retired_embartl

Bloody kids. Fecking R N B, Drum and Bass. Why couldn’t the idiots acquire some decent bloody taste? More pertinently, why did the cretins never bother turning up to training?

Pierluigi Massimo Julian The Apostate Augustus Cicero Magister Leo Titus Bigus Dickus Romulus Remus Allessandro Mariobarbituarati was feeling rather fed up all told. He’d gone into football coaching with the aiming of forming a team for the future, his youthful enthusiasm taking him up the hierarchy with breakneck speed, but with the onset of middle age brought with it a growing feeling of hatred for the youth of the day and their bloody ipods and useless lives. Talent wasted by idiots who felt they had the world against them and committed suicide or turned into a morbid goth. Others too who were just plain lazy and thought they’d lose themselves in some bloody computerised version of the game. Stoners, drunkards, lazy wasters. Kids these days – bloody fools.

He was slowly coming round to taking a slightly more embittered twist to football managing. Let the kids stew until they learn how to be proper goddamn adults. It seemed nowadays almost impossible to hold a sensible conversation with anyone who wasn’t at least in their late twenties. The rest of the time Pierluigi Massimo Julian The Apostate Augustus Cicero Magister Leo Titus Bigus Dickus Romulus Remus Allessandro Mariobarbituarati at 42, was feeling out of his depth.

However he had decided to come to the conclusion that from now on his Rimini side would only have a chance of progressing to the top with men of age, men of goddamn experience, men who would appreciate John Fecking Bonham. The kids could frankly do one. He knew some of the lads were sensing this disconnection between manager and players, but they were too afraid to let him know how they felt.

Before that, he had one more thing to do, and that was head down to that civil servant office place and change his frigging name. His chequebooks were turning into a bloody joke, it seemed every year, his drunken bet with his old friend was getting worse. The bet was an annual affair, placed on the outcome of the Serie A winners. If Pierluigi lost, he added a name by deed poll, with some historical significance, but if his mate lost, he’d lose a letter of his name. Claudius Iovius Casiraghi was know just called Claudius I. The jokes were obvious. Since then, they’d come to an agreement at their last sober encounter, in which they’d start afresh and agree on new parameters. For now though it was back to Pierluigi Barbituarti, and then it was off to cull the kids.

retired_eneko5613

\o/

After your funniest writer award again Bri?

retired_embartl

ha! cheers, though I suspect there will be much greater field of competition this year!

Pierluigi looked into the skies. Looking up to the stars, hoping some wise old superstition would grant him the ability to systemically eliminate the current generation of youth. The rapscallions had had their day and now, Paulo, Alberto and all the other teeny bopping fools would pay.

As he stared into the night sky, evaluating the most efficient manner of decimating his squad into a hardy set of good old blokes, he all of a sudden felt a chill down his spine. It was a disturbing sensation which caused Pierluigi to freeze. All he seemed able to concentrate on was the sky, illuminated by a bright full moon.

As he did so, all those feelings of loyalty to the old blokes came to the fore, and an overwhelming desire to protect them from the pretensions of youth. Anger clouded and fuelled his mind, and then in an instant he felt his arms snap out uncontrollably. He was having some fit and he couldn’t explain it. The anger had seized him, and he felt physical growth! Closing his eyes fiercely trying to escape this madness he felt possessed by a desperate need to quench his thirst – a thirst for blood.

As he moved slowly out of his foetal position he was shocked by the sight that met him, his clothes were being steadily ripped apart from his body, disproportionately large sinewy muscles were driving through, covered in swathes of hair. Then he realised he was Italian so that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

His fingernails seemed to extend by two inches, forming a sharp blade on the finger tips, and for some reason his sense of smell seemed particularly focussed. He caught the scent of what he was sure belonged to one of the reserve team players at Rimini.

What was happening to him? Well frankly that was quite obvious, by the time he’d staggered down from his viewpoint to his car, his reflection beamed back a horrifying image. He’d suddenly turned into a 7 foot, beastly werewolf, intent on ravaging the town of Rimini of all its criminal youth. Oh well. Destiny is destiny so they say….

“Ahooooowowowoohooowhwohwohwowhooooooo!” came the ever so original howl and The Italian Werewolf leapt from the bonnet of his car, started growling menacingly at a petrified drunken bum, and began looking for his dindins.

retired_embartl

The next morning at training, an erie silence seemed to have befallen the club's training ground. Pierluigi knew it had something to do with the suspicious cicrumstances surrounding the disappearances of 6 of the clubs young reserve players all on one night, but there was more to it than that.

Perhaps it had been his decision to force all the kids to train for 6 hours nonstop without a break, waiting for one of them to crack and give in. They admirably passed that basic fitness test but were all placed on the transfer list anyway.

Initial outcry had been sizeable - the local figures and fans were all disturbed at the Rimini Give Away which seemed to have taken hold over the next couple of days. Youngsters who foolish people thought would live up to their potential and not p*ss away on drugs and alcohol were sold fairly swiftly including Andrea Messoni to Regina for a nice 100k.
The board were both happy and sad- they were loving all the money coming into the side, but thought the complete destruction of the youth team somewhat over the top, despite Pierluigi's insistence that " they're all bloody wasters, none of them will make it anyway and we need experience to go forward."


Some kids seemed intent on bucking the trend and trying to force their way into Pierluigi's plans but they failed at the first test.

" So, you want to play for us? Right then Marco Brighi, name the band members of Deep Purple."

"Who?"

"OUT."

"What! Thats not fair? Judge me on my footballing ability!"

"I am. My footballers must make the right decisions and be capable of staying calm under pressure. It requires a broad knowledge and a general thirst for bl- or intellect.
You clearly don't have that. Who do you listen to?"

"Well I like techno-da -"

"GET OUT. There'll be none of that here, your parents should be ashamed of themselves for bringing up such an imbecile."

"You're crazy!"

"Well you don't want to stick around to find out how, I can tell you that! Now sod off!"

Two days later Marco signed for Varese for 35k. It was a move that puzzled many locals who were aghast at seeing the young talent sold on a whim. Once again Pierluigi had to defend it.

" Marco's got an attitude problem and he'll never make it to the top. I am ruthless and I shan't be wasting my time on all these execrable teenagers. They can come back when they've shown they can do it.

Some people say clubs like us are feeder clubs for the big boys, well ******** to that. I want Rimini to be a success and fighting for the promotion. To do that we need talent, talent borne out of years of hard work and development, combined with a life skill for general knowledge and understanding.

I want intellects, I want men of honour, wisdom and steely determination. So I say to all you parents who think their kids will get a shot at this club:

BUGGER OFF! I don't want them anywhere near the training ground! Call me ageist if you will, but I've had enough of teenagers and young adults who think they can rule the world. For those who stick around for a while, all I can say is, there will be consequences!"

It had made for quite a stirring speech and the rallying cry was printed in the local papers to the dismay of many a Rimini fan.

However, they were appeased somewhat when Pierluigi scored his first actual signing - the arrival of Francesco Passiatore. The midfield attacker was of the perfect age - he had only just turned thirty a week previously and had the talent to continue his career and propel the club into the better leagues. For 230k, the fans were suddenly impressed, and fears of a complete collapse in stability in the club due to a lack of any talent coming through were momentarily allayed.

retired_embartl

After a few days the inquiry into the disappearance of 6t of the boys who had been with the club until one fateful evening was gathering apace and Pier was bored stiffless
with the police bothering him every bloody day to check up on their enquiries and add bits and pieces to his well worn out statement. Eventually, after one such time they knocked on the door he replied:

' Hi there, look here's the deal right? I turned into a werewolf, and then chased the kids down the street, eating three of them and mauling the rest into a graphic and violent death.'

'Sir, this is a serious investigation, and this is no time for jokes.'

'I'm not joking, I told you, I ate them. Very nice too."

"Sir if you could be serious for a moment, that was quite the distasteful comment. We'll bring you in if you keep up the act.'

'I'm only trying to help officer.'

'Fine, well seeing as we're not going to be getting anything useful out of you today we'll leave you. Goodday sir.'

Pierluigi was quite bemused as he watched the cops leave his house and walk down the street, he'd only told the truth.

Closing the door he turned back into the kitchen and opened the freezer to get dinner ready. Italian leg, was quite tasty really - though the kneecap was a bit gristly for his liking.

His more pressing thoughts were also who might be involved with the reserve team this year once this cull was over, but to be honest it wasn't that crucial - after all there were a few guys who weren't quite up to Pierluigi's pre-arranged cut off point. By next summer three of the strikers would be eligible to play but for now, they'd just have to make do in the reserves.


As the days went on the atmosphere picked up as the older guys all showed their age and were able to converse freely about important subjects, and displayed a great deal of respect for actual talented musicians, and there was no electrodancetrance turgidness around. It was wonderful. Furthermore the squad had been decimated by about twenty players - most of whom were useless anyway. Saved on money, which could be used to reward those hardy journeymen.


With over a 1 million pounds raised in transfer fees alone, up from the 300k budget he'd been awarded at the beginning of the summer it certainly allowed for the odd investment - but again Pierluigi was going to do this the hardway. He reckoned he'd only need to buy in three or four bigger players - he still didn't want anymore egotisical arseholes at the club. Where possible he wanted desperate raw desire - and that meant scouring the free market.

Of course much to his growing annoyance finding the players was a bit of a bitch, and by the time the season came round he had a central midfielder starting in central defence and a winger up front, but the rules and his principles would not be broken. But when even Uwe Rosler was rejecting his advances he had to face facts. That time though he'd gone a little too crazy and attacked the German in a frenzied and bloody attack, though
successfully pinning the blame on an 76 year old passing Granny.


His pre-season ( consisting of no games just angry and menacing death threats against the lingering juveniles who hadn't yet re-allocated themselves elsewhere ) certainly created a newlook squad with his transfer policy decimating the team:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * Rimini - Sunday 12th August 2001********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2001/2 Transfers========================================= ================================================== =====Date Player In From Fee-----------------------------------------------------------------------31.7.01 Francesco Passiatore Ascoli £210K 31.7.01 Mario Bortolazzi Lecco £20K 1.8.01 Antonio Bucciarelli Palmese Loan 7.8.01 Paolo Ziliani Arezzo £40K Date Player Out To Fee----------------------------------------------------------------------- 31.7.01 Marco Brighi Varese £35K 31.7.01 Diego Nanni Pontedera £24K 31.7.01 Andrea Mussoni Reggina £100K 1.8.01 Oscar Vico Pro Vercelli £14K 1.8.01 Luca Dosi Alzano £75K 2.8.01 Lucio Gasperoni Pro Vercelli £35K 3.8.01 Mario Donadoni Alzano £45K 3.8.01 Daniele Bordacconi Livorno £70K 3.8.01 Francesco Lunardini Crotone £50K 4.8.01 Mirko Paglialonga Bellaria £6K 5.8.01 Carlo Cofano Lecco £22K 6.8.01 Daniele Bucchi Verona £55K 6.8.01 Federico Teodorani Tricase £9K </pre>

In fact ahead of the first match of the season the total squad of acceptable adults was this:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * Rimini - Sunday 12th August 2001********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== Squad============================================= ================================================== =No Name Position(s) Nat Born Age Caps Gls Wages Expires Value----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Antonioli, Mauro AM LC ITA 27.9.68 32 - - £950 4.6.06 £28K - Ballanti, Alessio SW/D C ITA 12.7.74 27 - - £950 1.7.03 £45K - Battistini, Maurizio GK ITA 25.6.68 33 - - £675 8.6.07 £22K - Bizzarri, Marco GK ITA 4.3.67 34 - - £950 1.7.02 £40K - Bortolazzi, Mario M C ITA 10.1.65 36 - - £1.8K 28.6.04 £24K - Bucciarelli, Antonio M C ITA 13.8.70 30 - - £0 28.6.02 £70K - Caverzan, Diego D C ITA 11.3.69 32 - - £950 1.7.03 £45K - Cipolli, Andrea M RL ITA 17.3.71 30 - - £950 31.8.03 £30K - Civolani, Roberto D/M RC ITA 21.11.72 28 - - £900 1.7.03 £20K - D'Angelo, Luca DM C ITA 26.7.71 30 - - £950 30.6.03 £60K - Di Nicola, Davide S C ITA 4.4.72 29 - - £950 11.6.03 £150K - Di Terlizzi, Davide M RC ITA 31.1.76 25 - - £950 1.7.03 £45K - Favi, Fabio M C ITA 22.12.69 31 - - £950 11.6.04 £45K - Galli, Luigi D/M L ITA 8.10.69 31 - - £950 1.7.02 £16K - Luconi, Cristiano F LC ITA 30.3.72 29 - - £950 11.6.02 £24K - Masini, Mario SW/D C ITA 25.3.73 28 - - £950 28.6.07 £130K - Mastronicola, Alessandro D C ITA 29.6.74 27 - - £950 26.6.04 £40K - Micchi, Edoardo S C ITA 29.8.72 28 - - £950 12.6.02 £35K - Neri, Maurizio S C ITA 21.3.65 36 - - £950 9.6.02 £20K - Pacassoni, Matteo M RC ITA 13.3.81 20 - - £950 19.6.02 £16K - Passiatore, Francesco AM/F RL ITA 22.7.71 30 - - £1.1K 28.6.04 £275K - Ziliani, Paolo SW/D/DM C ITA 10.6.71 30 - - £1.1K 6.6.04 £100K </pre>



and that just left:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * Rimini - Sunday 12th August 2001********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== Squad============================================= ================================================== =No Name Position(s) Nat Born Age Caps Gls Wages Expires Value----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Antonioli, Mauro AM LC ITA 27.9.68 32 - - £950 4.6.06 £28K - Battistini, Maurizio GK ITA 25.6.68 33 - - £675 8.6.07 £22K - Bizzarri, Marco GK ITA 4.3.67 34 - - £950 1.7.02 £40K - Bortolazzi, Mario M C ITA 10.1.65 36 - - £1.8K 28.6.04 £24K - Bucciarelli, Antonio M C ITA 13.8.70 30 - - £0 28.6.02 £70K - Caverzan, Diego D C ITA 11.3.69 32 - - £950 1.7.03 £45K - Cipolli, Andrea M RL ITA 17.3.71 30 - - £950 31.8.03 £30K - D'Angelo, Luca DM C ITA 26.7.71 30 - - £950 30.6.03 £60K - Favi, Fabio M C ITA 22.12.69 31 - - £950 11.6.04 £45K - Galli, Luigi D/M L ITA 8.10.69 31 - - £950 1.7.02 £16K - Neri, Maurizio S C ITA 21.3.65 36 - - £950 9.6.02 £20K - Pacassoni, Matteo M RC ITA 13.3.81 20 - - £950 19.6.02 £16K - Passiatore, Francesco AM/F RL ITA 22.7.71 30 - - £1.1K 28.6.04 £275K - Ziliani, Paolo SW/D/DM C ITA 10.6.71 30 - - £1.1K 6.6.04 £100K </pre>
as legitimate first team starters. It was not going to be easy, but it was the way Pierluigi was damn well going to cope with his unfortunate monthly disease- the fewer kids in his sight, presumably the lesser the rage would be.

retired_embartl

August 2001


Defeat in the pointless cup competition, followed by rejection from Bryan Roy saw PB frequenting the local bars quite heavily over the following days. His bet with Claudius still had to be arranged and what it would involve doing.

However as the days went on a fierce campaign of offering players as much money as possible, including get out clauses and short term contracts seemed to pay off - even Uwe Rosler returned from the dead, whilst the fans ( weirdos as they are ) went absolutely bananas at the signing of the amazing Dean Saunders, a man of the perfect stature, talented, hip replacement on the way and just short of his 400th birthday. The town celebrated with a festival and the mayor even wanted the day marked as a national holiday.

For Dean Saunders.

Oh dear.

Still he was one of a few more players who eventually decided to turn up - including Massimiliano Allegri, a 34 year old winger on speed, rather than possessing it. Uwe Rosler the half dead cannibal, and Davide Mezzanotte who was signed purely for displaying an acute affection for Eric Clapton, and whose actual ability could be rather more appropriately compared to that of a dead skunk. There was one final big old transfer purchase as well. 170k of what was left in the money pot was splashed out on Simone Venturi who joined his former teammate from Arezzo at Rimini's band of mature farts with pleasure.

That all severely knocked the coffers a bit, but it did mean that for the match with Lodigiani in the Cup there was a squad to choose from.

It allowed for the dream strike partnership of Dean Saunders and Uwe Rosler to really flourish, and their selection was vindicated to the delight of Pierluigi when they thrashed their hosts 4-0 with a masterful performance. Dean the former Bradford, Sheffield United, Nottingham Forrest Galatasary, Aston Villa, Liverpool, Derby Oxford, Brighton, Cardiff and Swansea Saunders scored two, whilst Uwe added one of his own on their debuts. The other goal came from Antonio Bucciarelli, the loan signing.

--

Vindicated. That's how Pierluigi felt. What had they said? Where's the future, what about the kids? Ha. An excellent debut saw the legends of yesteryear tear apart their visitors. The board were thrilled, the town jubilated and Claudius defeated.

The signing of any random old bastard went well into overdrive in the succeeding days of August. It brought in the celebrated Cesar Sampaio to the complete disbelief of the fans - who had excellently decided to ostracise all their own kids as well as a show of solidarity with the manager - along with hitherto unknowns Boromir Perkovic a 33 year old Croatian midfielder, who was soon nicknamed Frodo as one heck of a devilishly evil insult, Vasilis Ioannidis a 34 year old Greek central defender whose marvellous heading ability covered up for what must be prothetic legs, and Stephane Dedebant the french girl in the side. 30 years old and a pain in the ass. However, numbers were numbers and Pierluigi could only smugly congratulate himself on a fine recruiting drive.

They all arrived before the intermitted friendlies which seemed to be scattered in amongst the Cup games, and the chance to exercise their wearing but experienced limbs was handy. Just before the game with Turkish randoms Adana Demirspor the icing on the cake was complete as one time Rangers legend Marco Negri signed on. Admittedly the wages were huge and would probably help, along with all the other high priced stars send the club into bankruptcy, but living for the moment that's what its all about.


A trip to Turkey was fairly uneventful, though efforts were made to see if any of the aging locals had some footballing talent, ( they didn't ) but the players all got their work out. The major problem that seemed to arise was just ever so slightly financially related.

All the sales of before had raised an excellent margin for acquiring new players and Pierluigi had full backing from his board to bring in a solid squad. Unfortunately it cost the club wel over a million pounds in the process, and the entire budget had been completely wiped out. Still - it would be worth it, when the side fulfilled their potential.

In between friendlies - Rosler and Negri having helped defeat Demirspor, another striker was added to the books just to provide further insurance - Iranian forward Khododad Azizi a 30 year striker released by FC Koln earlier on. The hard bargaining complete, the squad was now ready, even if there was only one left back and the goalkeepers a bit sh*te, they had DEAN SAUNDERS and ergo were invincible by default.


So the end of the month soon arrived, Anadolu Urkunpronounceable were slaughtered in a friendly with Deano and Aziz the potent duo,

before the home match with Gubbio in the cup ended all square. D'Angelo equalised a goal from their 19 year old upstart Papa and Pierlugi was furious. When the full moon came round again he knew where he was eating out that night. By the months end a 1-0 win over San Marino thanks to Negri's debut goal wasn't enough to see the side qualify but it proved to any further doubters that this side meant business.

Full Transfer List

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">============================================= ================================================== = 2001/2 Transfers========================================= ================================================== =====Date Player In From Fee-----------------------------------------------------------------------31.7.01 Francesco Passiatore Ascoli £210K 31.7.01 Mario Bortolazzi Lecco £20K 1.8.01 Antonio Bucciarelli Palmese Loan 7.8.01 Paolo Ziliani Arezzo £40K 15.8.01 Davide Mezzanotti Free Transfer Free 18.8.01 Massimiliano Allegri Free Transfer Free 19.8.01 Vasilis Ioannidis Free Transfer Free 19.8.01 Simone Venturi Arezzo £170K 19.8.01 César Sampaio Free Transfer Free 19.8.01 Dean Saunders Free Transfer Free 19.8.01 Borimir Perkovic Free Transfer Free 19.8.01 Uwe Rösler Free Transfer Free 20.8.01 Stéphane Dedebant Free Transfer Free 21.8.01 Marco Negri Free Transfer Free 23.8.01 Khodadad Azizi Free Transfer Free Date Player Out To Fee-----------------------------------------------------------------------29.7.01 Davide Vagnetti Released Free 29.7.01 Luca Casadei Released Free 29.7.01 Andrea Bianchi Released Free 29.7.01 Alessandro Angelini Released Free 29.7.01 Mattia Ballarini Released Free 29.7.01 Lorenzo Bernardini Released Free 31.7.01 Marco Brighi Varese £35K 31.7.01 Diego Nanni Pontedera £24K 31.7.01 Andrea Mussoni Reggina £100K 1.8.01 Oscar Vico Pro Vercelli £14K 1.8.01 Luca Dosi Alzano £75K 2.8.01 Lucio Gasperoni Pro Vercelli £35K 3.8.01 Francesco Lunardini Crotone £50K 3.8.01 Mario Donadoni Alzano £45K 3.8.01 Daniele Bordacconi Livorno £70K 4.8.01 Mirko Paglialonga Bellaria £6K 5.8.01 Carlo Cofano Lecco £22K 6.8.01 Federico Teodorani Tricase £9K 6.8.01 Daniele Bucchi Verona £55K 17.8.01 Matteo Pacassoni Prato £16K 25.8.01 Federico Crescentini Bellaria £12K </pre>

Match Summary

12/08 CUP Rimini v Mestre - Lost 1-0
19/08 CUP Lodigiani v Rimini - won 4-0 - Saunders x2, Rosler, Bucciarelli, Galli m/pen
22/08 FRE Turkish1 v Rimini won 2-1 - Negri, Rosler
24/08 FRE Turkish2 v Rimini won 3-0, Saunders Azizi, O.G
26/08 CUP Rimini v Gubbio - drawn 1-1 - D'Angelo
29/08 CUP San Marino v Rimini - won 1-0 - Negri, Galli s/off

Preferred XI: 442: Battistini; Venturi Galli, Zilliani, Ioannidis; Passiatore, Bortolazzi, Favi, Saunders Negri

retired_embartl

September 2001

So for Pierlugi Barbituarti, the first month had been an intriguing success. The side had been successfully assembled, albeit destroying the accounts in the process - no money left at all - and they were clearly able to play well together despite the numerous nationalities, the cops had taken his confession in the spirit it was intended and were still trying to find any mangled remains of the boys - ( still one left, he hoped to make a good stew, goes well with worcester sauce apparently )and he was able to enjoy sane conversation at last.

Luigi Galli's red card in the previous match had proved less irritating than first thought as he remembered the card was specific to the cup competion and he formulated a strong side to kick off the league campaign at home to Gualdo . A half respectable crowd were in attendance and they were left cheering all the way through. Marco Negri became an instant legend with a first half hat-trick as the visitors were battered by the guile of RImini, and though a bit of shocking complacency saw them reduce the arrears just after the interval, sub 'Frodo' Perkovic sealed the win late on.

An excellent start received it's just rewards from the board and fans and the boss was also just as smug. For the trip to Fiorenzuola the only change was bringing Bucciarelli in for Bartolazzi. It ended up being a tighter game than before but the quality was still on show as the side levelled an early concession through Dean Saunders in the first half. When the hosts lost a man to a crude challenge in the second half, the tempo and pressure was upped on their goal but despite Perkovic's best efforts - a header against the bar, they had to settle for a point.

In midweek, the full moon appeared and Pier became FIER and he hit the streets in search of a few unfortunate victims ( not quite snaring that git Papa as intended ) but instead settling for a fine selection of broad women this time - just to prove he had no predilictions one way or other, naturally.

Perhaps it was Karma, perhaps not but the defeat away to Imolese smacked of serious bad luck. Firstly Bucciarelli went off injured in the first half, chanceswere then wasted, before Allegri, himself a sub came on and was promptly fouled back out the ground and to the nearby hospital. He was the third sub and having occured not long after the hosts had taken the lead was bloody typical. In the final quarter Marco Negri then had a goal disallowed for god knows what and Pierluigi wrote down the linesmans' name is his little black book of bastards.

In midweek, he started to hear back from his scouts about possible futures for next summer. By futures, he of course meant players who were 28/29 and worth keeping an eye on when they came of age. What Carmelo Cristiano did, was to suggest 16 year old Norwegian kid Havard Kleven was a player to keep an eye on.

Pierluigi went ballistic. He threatened to fire the idiot if he came back with any player younger than 28, before plotting a night out on the Norwegian towns for one weekend. Foreign food always does you a world of good.

Despite the return of central defender Caravan he didn't displace Ioannidis for the home tie with Sassulo. The injured pair were dropped as were Rosler and Azizi for Saunders and Negri.An open game was kicked off with a goal from Bortolazzi quite early on, though an immediate response pegged it square, to the chagrin of Pier. 'Schooboy error' he'd muttered. Against decent opponents it seemed as if the match could go either way, but just after the break a header from good old Paulo Zilliani handed Rimini the lead, and mater on as it looked as though the three points might have been dropped, Marco Negri seized on a fine cross from sub Azizi to seal the win.

The month ended in terrific fashion for the side as a trip to Alto Aldige a side who'd started the season well themselves, providing the best away performance of the season so far. Initially the dominance in the first half seemed to be going nowhere until Dean Saunders forced in a loose ball just before half time. In the second half it was more of the same but a shock goal from the hosts threatened to steal the three points away from Rimini for a moment. However, the side recovered and thanks to a stunningly great strike from central defender Ioannidis and another Saunders effort the win was sealed - and a good opening month to the league campaign had critics surprisingly quiet at the lack of youth.


Match Summary

02/09 C2/B Rimini v Gualdo - won 4-1, Negri x3, Perkovic
09/09 c2/B Fiorenzuola v Rimini - drew 1-1 - Saunders
16/09 c2/B Imolese v Rimini - lost 1-0,
23/09 C2/B Rimini v Sassulo - won 3-1, - Bortolazzi, Zilliani, Negri
30/09 C2/B Alto Aldige v Rimini - won 3-1, Saunders x2, Ioannidis

retired_jgirl87

Fine start, BoN. Glad to see another person going for the 30+ challenge.

retired_embartl

cheers, Spav, certainly seemed the more appealing challenge to play for me :thup: No upper age limit helps!

--


October 2001

With one month gone, the first test of his sides physical capabilities came against the very youthful Poggese side. It was a home game and winnable but there were a couple of players whose bodies were a little tired. The match began well enough when the recently returned Allegri fired in an excellent opener, but the lead didn't last too long as the visitors responded within minutes. Poggesse, then kept at it for a while, trying to force another goal but the old bastards held on well, and indeed in the second half, fought back themselves, finding energy from within to force an excellent late winner courtesy of Marco Negri with Cesar Sampaio a wonderful workhorse throughout.

It was a good start, but one that was punctuated somewhat by a poor defeat away to Grubbio days later. The hosts were top of the table, but after having already played them in the Cup it was clear they weren.t miles better, so the fact they were outfought, performed and classed on the day was a dissapointment to the side. They only lost 1-0 but it could have been much worse and the rivalry between the two sides was turned up a notch to the dismay of the board.

Still, before the critics began rounding up on him for the display citing a need for an injection of youth, his side responded terrifically as all mature sensible grown men do and thrashed San Marino 3-0. Admittedly the cause was slightly helped when the visitors had their goalkeeper sent off in the first half, but for Pierluigi it was merely a symbolic reflection of their capitulation to the greater team. Marco notched another one to his tally as did Allegri from the spot with Bucciarelli getting the killer3rd before the first half was even over.

Who needs kids? That was the question on everyones lips after that match and it spawned a brief spate of late abortions, depatrifiying of children and a few crazy abandonments. Some handy runaway kids to chew over later thought Pierluigi. Even he though conceded it was an overreaction if people couldn't see the ever so slight downfall of wiping all children off the map. It seemed though that faced with the choice of educating them properly into decent music or ways of life, they preferred to leave out calling cards for the beast who'd run off with the Seedy Six in the summer - a case that interestingly the police had decided to abandon investigating.

A few days later a slightly scared Caramel Christy rang up with a scouting recommendation. However he had nothing to fear this time since he'd actually done his job properly this time. Lars Bakerud a 30 year old Norwegian was the offer and at a reasonable price. It would have been a tempting offer certainly had Pierluigi not already bankrupted the club with his old man love in. Sadly he signed his own death warrant when he also chucked in a few allegedly talented youngsters too. It enraged Pierluigi so much he flew straight out to Norway, killed his scout, then brought him back in several pieces to be eaten as an when the next full moon arrived. His fridge was getting a little full at the moment.

When asked as to Caramel's whereabouts a few days later, he simply told the chairman he had completed his search of Scandinavia- which was true was it not? Footballing matters ended for the month with a somewhat frustrating draw at Faenza . The first half had been bossed by Rimini but Negri and Rosler had either found the keeper or wasted numerous chances. Both were forced to listen to trance music at half time as a punishment. However it clearly went too far, and neither player was able to retain any sense of balance and had to be subbed off as the home side were beginning to come back into the match. It ended 0-0 though with Battistini in fine form in goal and the recently returned Caravan enjoying a decent spell in the backline.

Match Summary

07/10 C2/B Rimini v Poggese - won 2-1, Allegri, Negri
14/10 C2/B Grubbio v Rimini - lost 1-0
21/10 C2/B Rimini v San Marino - won 3-0, Allegri pen, Negri, Bucciarelli
28/10 C2/B Faenza v Rimini - drew 0-0

retired_embartl

November 2001


As the month turned a few journalists who'd become emboldened merely by being old and hence not the target of Pierluigi's scathing tongue, inquired about how amazing Marco Negri was? With 7 goals in 7 starts he was tipped to end up being a top scorer by the seasons end. The remark was greeted with pronounced sarcasm.

Pierluigi Barbituarti was astonished, no truly astonished, that a striker who led the goal scoring charts so far into the season could be tipped to be 'among there' come the seasons end. What an insightful prediction that was. He did despair sometimes of humanities IQ, often wondering if it was a little tooreactionary to hope for a purge of the stupids.

The first match of the month pitched them at home to Trento a side with promotion pretensions of their own and along with Rimini had the tightest defence in the league thus far, a stat which seemed to be borne out in the opening exchanges. The sides were both trying to attack with fluency but were met with a stubborn and solid backline.

Though Trento had had the better of the chances in the first half, PB's side seemed to be coming back into the latter stages of the match, but the striking prolificacy of the forwards was bloody awol. Uwe was utterly useless at the moment, and when he was subbed Pierluigi kicked him hard in the testicles to express his frustration. If that didn't send a warning to him to buck his trend, then surely nothing would? Anyway the game was fecking lost in the 87th minute when Germano Ciech exploited Stephane Dedabontes lack of talent to push past him and score.

The board were narked off and so were the fans. Chants of 'Sod off Granddad' weren't particularly welcome either. For Pierluigi, he regretted instantly giving the frenchman a chanceto shine, realising that in his career he had if anything regressed in all aspects of his life into a boiled potato. Bald, fat and good for nothing. He was transfer listed and paganly castrated soon afterwards in a gesture of good will to the board after having raped their resources a few months ago.

For some annoying reason though his strikers seemed to be going awol of late, as Marco Negri conspired to miss all 6 of his shots away to Menstre the following week. He was joined in the retarded striking category by Antonioli and Neri when he came on late on. 12 shots in all, 1 on target, and that was a save from a drivelling naff Dean Saunders toe poke. Thankfully the defence at least did their job properly inspite of Vassilis Ioannidis' apparent allergy to actually keeping the ball for more than 1/2 second underfoot.

Three games without scoring was irritating and it was fuelling calls for some of the reserve team kids who hadn't yet been mauled to death or eaten to be given a chance, but that was off the menu - though ironically they were on the menu at home. If you see wha - yeah you do. It was especially annoying when they singled out one player for criticism - the barefaced cheek! Admittedly Francesco Passiatore hadn't actually done anything of note since his move, but at 210k he was a hefty price player and he wasn't going to let them attack his winger like that as he issued an angry responses condemning journalists as spawns of satan, containing the intelligence levels of a Baldrick.

In midweek there was the perversely enjoyable reserve fixture with Montichiari which ended all square. Of interest though was that Rimini lost three players to injuries. Their left back hd both legs broken, whilst 28 year old defender Mario Masini would have his interim period excited further
by having to undergo surgery after a stud in his face displaced his left eye somewhat. French waster Stephane was also the victim of another nasty challenge and would be out for two months. This was more problematic than enjoyable though as now he couldn't be at all sold in that time whatsoever.

The home clash with the senior Montichiari side proved more enjoyable for the right reasons though as against a demoralised and currently winless bottom placed
side, Rimini recovered their goalscoring touch by playing with more directness, focusing their attacks down the middle of the pitch. A one way first half which saw goals for Negri, a first for Sampaio and a first for the now ultra determined Passiatore was followed up by a merciless second half. Negri notched another, as did Sampaio before Deano came off the bench to complete a lovely annihilation of their visitors. Winning 6-0 certainly seemed like a good way of banishing those striking demons.

The hopes of having a little more widespread attention on what the golden oldies were doing that afternoon were somewhat spoiled by an even greedier Milan who slaughtered Piacenza 9-0 in their league game. Twats. The win did keep the club comfortably in the play-off zone which was the expected achievement of this club usually, if not promotion so the fans were happy enough.

With the tactic having worked out so excellently before, the side was more or less unchanged, although Saunders played in the withdrawn strikers role, whilst Azizi took a rare start against another top side Sambenedettese. It certainly started off well as the Iranian grabbed his first goal for the club, before Negri added his tenth of the season to stop the hosts getting a foothold in the game before half time. However, they pulled one back moments afterwards and it became a nervy affair as the tired legs seemed to be clinging on until Cesar Sampaio sent the travelling hordes home happy with a clinical strike towards the end. Special mention must also be made for Passiatore - ever since receiving that criticism he responded as any mature adult would do and played another blinding match on the left.

Match Summary

04/11 C2/B Rimini v Trento - lost 1-0
11/11 C2/B Menstre v Rimini - drew 0-0
18/11 C2/B Rimini v Montichiari - won 6-0, Negri x2, Sampaio x2, Passiatore, Saunders
25/11 C2/B Sambenedettese v Rimini - won 3-1, Azizi, Negri, Sampaio

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st Trento 13 5 0 1 11 4 4 1 2 8 4 28 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2nd Gubbio 13 3 3 1 11 6 4 1 1 14 8 25 3rd Rimini 13 5 0 1 18 4 2 3 2 7 5 24 4th Mantova 13 4 1 2 12 11 2 3 1 9 7 22 5th Brescello 13 4 2 0 11 4 1 4 2 12 14 21 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------6th Mestre 13 3 4 0 19 14 2 2 2 7 9 21 </pre>