haze.13

Katja

The slight groan of the mattress springs stirred him instantly. Van Es was greeted by the morning sun dancing across her naked back as she sat up and discreetly vanished into the bathroom. This was no common prostitute - no this was Kadiev's best girl - and she had more than proved that in just one night. Drifting off again with happy thoughts swimming through his mind Van Es' dream was soon interrupted by what could only be described as the greatest crime against humanity that Joy Division would have wished to inflict on the Western world. 'Love will tear us apart' as a SonyEricsson ring tone. Tragically the second repeat had begun before Van Es finally picked up...

"Yello?"

"Bob you old b*stard i was expecting to hear from you yesterday."

"No. I'm here already."

"Yep. Signed the papers yesterday."

"Dinamo Makhachkala."

"M-A-K-H-A-C-H-K-A-L-A. No the first K is silent. I think it's something like 'ma-hack-arla'. It's on the Caspian Sea in Dagestan."

"Yes Russia you tw*t!"

"Sure everyone else is in Spain, England, Norway, Denmark, Portugal and even Belgium but well I've still got my contacts in Armenia you know, so why not test my luck in the East."

"Yep. Going with the kids. Hell you try and convince any sane well travelled old pros to come and play in Makhachkala! I figure desperate kids will play just about anywhere."

"Why only 3?"

"Fine! It couldn't get any tougher then could it."

"Oh."

"Cheers Bob. Yeah you too."


Kadiev's girl returned to the bedroom dripping wet and obviously felt that she hadn't performed her deeds dutifully enough. The door clicked to closed carefully and the formalities had been completed - her name was Katja, she would be back next Tuesday and every Tuesday after that - maybe just maybe life in Dagestan wouldn't be so tough.

Just yesterday Van Es first met with Kadiev and things went very smoothly. Just how a career coach like Stu Van Es came to be in Makhachkala did not concern the Chairman of Dinamo. The only thing that concerned Kadiev was business - and Van Es fitted the bill perfectly - there were just three requirements on the agenda. Did Van Es know football? Yes. Could he speak Russian? Yes. Was he cheap? Oh yes! With that Kadiev handed the keys to his office to the affable Van Es and told him to hold the fort until he returned next week from business in Moscow.

"Training is at 6pm tomorrow. But Valery is taking it, you just observe for now. Don't do anything stupid just yet okay!"


__________________________________________________ ________

Just what business is Kadiev doing in Moscow?

What the hell sort of a name is Stu Van Es?

And will Stu do something stupid at the first training session? Obviously he will!

haze.13

Just stupid

The first training was going quite smoothly. Experienced coach Valery Zazdravnykh had taken charge with Van Es merely watching on from the stands as requested by Kadiev. That was until veteran fullback Arsen Akhaev strolled over just below Van Es and proceeded to talk and laugh with one of the trainers while the other players were running a few laps. Okay so maybe Van Es shouldn't have rushed down and confronted the big Russian - getting in his face and pointing to the others shouting run, run you worthless mule - but then Akhaev shouldn't have swung a left hook either. Van Es swayed back as the fist whistled past his brow and promptly followed with an uppercut leaving 90kgs of 34 year old prime Russian meat on the muddied turf.

"Screw him, he's gone, he's out of here!" Mused Van Es with clinical delivery down the line to Kadiev.

"Be careful son, I'll be back in town by Friday. Promise me you won't do anything else careless will you? Promise me! Replied Kadiev as he abruptly slammed down the phone.


To answer the question on everyones lips. Stuart Van Es was born to a Scottish mother and a Dutch father on the 13th of April 1967. Growing up in Glasgow in the 70's he learnt about football and life the tough way, the family decided it was best for the youngster if they took him out of Glasgow and headed for Australia to start a new life. A lifetime of travels ensued for the young Stu. Not content with the good life down under at the age of 17 he began the life of a footballing nomad. Playing professionally if unspectacularly everywhere from Indonesia to Italy, Armenia to Argentina.

With tainted irony his career ended where his life had begun in Glasgow, playing for a local college old scholars team. That was where he met a certain Bob Bev down at the local. No doubt Bob would debate this meeting but then he was messier than Mark Messier in a mess hall that night. That's not important now, Stu and Bob kept in touch periodically mainly just chatting, drinking and gambling over a footy match. At 34 Van Es managed to acquire some part time coaching work with club side Pyunik Yerevan in Armenia, the only sane reason that they would have hired the nomadic one could have been due to his amazingly exotic CV. That and the fact that he could speak the language of course.

The rest now is straight forward. Well relatively straight forward at least. Bob had a grand bet on amongst he and his footballing mates. Stu was never one to let a good thing pass him by so he hit the first flight to managerless Dinamo Makhachkala. Based in - you guessed it - Makhachkala a good sized trade city at the border of Europe and the Middle East bounded by the Caspian Sea to the East and the Caucasus Mountains to the South and West in the of republic of Dagestan, Russia.

__________________________________________________ ________


Why is Kadiev still in Moscow when his new manager is punching players in the face?

Is it next Tuesday yet?

And will Stu do something stupid at the second training session? It's quite likely you know!

attjen

Nice Start :thup:

chesterfan2

I really like the 'what'll happen in the next installment' teasers. A fantastic idea. :cool:

And like attjen says, nice start, keep it up.

haze.13

Cheers attjen and chester. It's a tried and tested comic aid chester but I figure it might add a little spice.

Some details: 6.0.2 with Russian and English leagues running and large database with players loaded from all former federations of the USSR.

Btw the first post may read a little confusing as i failed to add that we only heard the Van Es side of the phone conversation with the mysterious Bob. I'm hoping to improve my conversation writing technique so bear with me.

haze.13

Papers

Kadiev's return from Moscow was laced with equal parts fury and despair. But he held one hope - the third drawer - no one knew about the third drawer of his desk in the office. It was his salvation - all important documents would be held in the third drawer and mock documents would be created and filed in the cabinet marked 'contracts' - it was ingenious (or so Kadiev thought).

Breathing deeply he managed to get it together to finally confront his out of control manager of just four days. Without faltering Kadiev came down on Van Es, "So have you filed the transfer papers? Where did you get the papers from? Have you even viewed the contracts? Son you have no idea what you're starting here!"

Van Es reeled back from the visibly agitated Russian, "Let me see? Yes, the third drawer, yes and I think I have a fair idea about what I'm starting. Does that cover it?"

"The third drawer" queried Kadiev.

"Yes"

"You filed the transfer papers from this third drawer?" stressed a now panicked Kadiev as he pulled open the third drawer of his desk.

"Yes"

"Not from the cabinet over there marked contracts?" whispered Kadiev as his voice began to shake.

"What cabinet - no! The papers from the third drawer!" emphasised Van Es as he began to tire with the chairman's roundabout questioning. "What's the problem boss?"

Kadiev held his head in his hands. "The problem is that you have filed legitimate transfer requests for more than half the side. I'm the only one that signs off transfer forms around here. I RUN THIS SHOW KID!!" screamed the usually calm Russian.

"Well now your running a show with 12 disgruntled senior players since I've made it plain and clear that while I manage here they will not see the pitch for the first team. Given that I have a fresh 12 month contract sitting here in my back pocket then we'd better forget about those players and start searching for some decent replacements that want to play under me" responded a curt Van Es.

Okay breath Osman, thought Kadiev as he regathered himself, "Let me get this clear?" pleaded Kadiev.

"Agalarov?"

"Too slow"

"Strelbin?"

"Not required"

"Romanenco?"

"Lazy worthless piece of sh*t"

"Gadjiev?"

"Fascist"

"What, Gadjiev was a fascist? I never noticed, he could have been useful" quipped Kadiev now seeing the lighter side of the situation before continuing, "Romanovich?"

"My sister's got more balls than that weak
nancy"

"Ismailov?"

"Yeah I admit Ismailov could play. Shame he had such a mouth on him"

"Nosov?"

"Useless"

"Syrovatko?"

"Sided with Akaev over the whole broken nose fiasco"

"Sonin, Sadirov?"

"Both drivelling little tossers that couldn't handle a good kicking on a night out if they tried"

"Tonga?"

"Quality player. Wouldn't take a pay cut though, sorry!"

"We know about Akaev then?"

"Yeah, kept getting his nose broken"

"So that's it then?" queried Kadiev. "No more surprises for today?"

"No, that's about the most of it for now" Van Es summised.

"For now?"

"Well yeah, tomorrow we'll start looking for replacements" informed Van Es.

"One thing now Van Es!" threatened Kadiev. "This club is very important to me, more important than you could ever believe. You f*ck up and get us relegated and your balls will hang my boy. Comprende!"

"Si mi amigo" Van Es mockingly responded.

"Keep playing your little games as much as you like, but you get a team on the pitch and you succeed in not failing!" demanded Kadiev. Walking away at a point where he would happily throttle his cocky manager.

Van Es returned to his office to find a copy of an old article that had discretely been slipped under his door, presumably by the club secretary Mariana. It was an english edition of the Bulgarian Standard newspaper from 1999. The colour of Van Es' face paled significantly as he read the first few lines and confirmed that the picture was infact the man that he had just left in the boardroom.



Forget recruiting players for now. The only name on Stu Van Es' lips was Johnny Walker - neat of course. A cold sweat began to engulf the poor guy as thoughts of the threats offered just moments by Kadiev began to form in his mind. Grabbing the newspaper clipping and a few papers Van Es swiftly evacuated the office and drove as far from Kadiev as he could. For now that was just 50 miles into the foothills of the Caucasas mountains. He needed time to think. He needed to be alone.


__________________________________________________ ________

Will Van Es run to the hills never to be seen again, setting up a new life in Tehran as a spice seller?

Could the affable Kadiev really be as dangerous as the newspaper made him sound?

Is Van Es capable of rebuilding a decimated squad and keeping hold of both testicles in the process?

haze.13

Authors note: At this point I would like to make it clear that I chose this club due to the interesting geographic location and the structure of their playing squad. After starting the game and writing a bit I googled the Chairmans name 'Osman Kadiev' (which I often do for a physical discription or something), unfortunately I came up with the article you've just read from Bulgaria. Coincidence or not it makes a great story. I had no intentions of a mafia story but we'll see where this takes us I suppose. Come along for the ride!

WeWillAlwaysBeALight

i like this

haze.13

Good to hear it WWABAL
________________________________________


Shopping

In a mixed career spotted with many failures and a few relative successes Stu Van Es had never been a quitter - so he wasn't about to start just now. Besides that how could he tell Bob that he'd quit their challenge just because a little thing like the Russian Mafiosi was getting in the way.

Confronting Kadiev, Van Es was surprised with the good natured response that came from the big unit, "Don't worry kid! I don't do that sh*t now - I'm square now - all we do here is operate a good little football club while I try to make a living running the ports down on the Caspian"

"So this is merely a misunderstanding then?" quizzed Van Es.

"Like I said I'm square now. I trade, I buy, I sell and it's all legit now. Let's get on with finding a playing squad. After all the season starts in just three weeks you know" Kadiev paused - relieved that the situation had been glossed over, "Did Mariana show you the budget I've allowed? Oh and of course any finances we receive for any of those old goats on the transfer list will go straight to the budget for you to do as you wish"

"Thanks boss. The budget looks more than adequate for me to deal with. Thanks again" replied Van Es.

"No problems. You know where I am kid. Call me anytime - I know you know what your doing though. I do trust you Stu!"

With a squad made up of a couple of average keepers - one centre back, a 17 year old right back - four right wingers, a left winger, two central midfielders - and four strikers Van Es had a core group to build a squad around. Of these 15 youngsters perhaps 5 or 6 were thought to be first team level footballers. It was time for Van Es to go shopping! With a reasonable transfer budget of just under 60k (pounds) and wages of up to 9.25k per week there was room to move and the three cash transfers would have to be big players to upsize this squad to one that can survive the Pervyy divizion (that's the first division for those playing at home - or the old second division for those of yesteryear).

Of the existing playing group Van Es decided he'd seen enough to break the team into three groups; those that demonstrated talent, those that would be development prospects and those that would merely add depth to a small squad.


The first arrival at Dinamo Makhachkala was more of a favour than a signing as Vladimir Mikhaltsov joined as Van Es' Assistant Manager. At 35 Vladimir had just finished his playing career and was a former colleague of Stu's in Armenia. The Belarussian went straight to work identifying transfer targets and begining preparations for next weeks friendlies. As of tomorrow defenders would be the main targets along with a depth to all areas. Anyone that was young and could kick a ball would be considered.

"One other thing Stu" said Vladimir as he prepared to leave the club after his first day, "I might have a surprise for you at training tomorrow!"

"What Vlad? What, you know I hate pranks bro. This had better be good"

"Let's just say the boy's got a few caps under his belt and leave it at that for now" smiled Vlad.

Stu flashed a grin back at his old mate, "I knew you wouldn't let me down. I'll sleep well tonight now my crazy Belarussian friend"


__________________________________________________ ________

Has anyone else noticed that the new Assistant Manager looks very familiar?

Does a club really need more than 5 players that know what a football looks like to play in the second tier of Russian football?

Just because the only scout at the club is a 57 year old one legged man that smells like fish doesn't mean he can't still pick a winner, does it?

chesterfan2

Sadly, I think the answer to the third of your questions there is 'Yes it is.'.

But that's just the world we live in I suppose.