axeman

If you thought taking a vacation in Iceland was a good idea, forget it. I should know, I was forced to live on the bloomin' iceberg for most of my youth. A pint of beer wasn't allowed to be sold anywhere until 1989, when the price of the said pint would be nailed shut at £5 or more. A 5 minute ride in a taxi would set you back around £10, a full trolley of food would cost around £150 and the prices of clothing would be even more extortionate. The people were nice enough, when they could be arsed to look out of their wallets. I was 37 years old when the story began and I wasn't expecting to experience the things that were about to happen.

I had been working with disabled people for almost 2 years when, I decided that I needed a change in my life, so I decided to flog my CV all over the place. I sent out so many copies that I couldn't keep track of where I'd sent them. I remembered that I'd sent out applications to all sorts of jobs. Football coaching in at least 6 countries, despite having no qualifications other than having played football management simulation games for ages; airline piloting, with a similar lack of qualifications; police work and many other odd jobs. I even applied to become a bouncer at Buckingham Palace, I remembered, though I didn't harbour any real expectations of getting that one. Especially when I found out that it certainly wasn't a pub.

I was merrily dreaming of a rather wet encounter with Jenna Jameson, where I was that stud with all those extra inches, when I heard a weird noise from what I thought was the alarm clock. I grabbed that godforsaken thing and threw it against the wall, but that annoying noise kept on pounding my eardrums. I rose up to my elbow and tried to figure out where that strange sound was coming from. When most of the slumber had gone off me, I noticed that my mobile phone was bouncing around on my desk. What was the great idea there? Usually people wouldn't bother calling me until after supper, when I was finally awake. But this was horrible, waking up first thing in the afternoon to a horribly insistent mobile phone was not the nicest thing I'd experienced in my life. I picked up the phone and answered.

”Grumble, what's the grand idea of waking me up so early in the afternoon?”
”Pardon me sir, but are you Tómas Þráinsson?”, a hesitant voice asked on the other end of the line.
”That's entirely possible, depends on a few things”, I said rudely.
”My name is David Cooper and I represent Derry's in the Midlands. I understand that you applied for middle management work at one of our stores.”
Middle management work?? Could I have been that dumb? After all, most of the people, doing that sort of work, were totally out of touch with real jobs. When the fog of sleep started to move away though, I started thinking back on what I'd applied for.
”Mr. Þráinsson, are you still there?”, the voice asked worriedly.
”Sorry about that, I was just trying to remember if I did indeed apply”, I said and sighed. ”I must admit that I have no recollection of it, but then again I have applied for a lot of jobs in the last 3 months.”
”Pardon my asking sir, but why have you been applying so frantically for work?”
”I just need a change of scenery and the one I'm in now looks very bad.”
”I hope you're not in trouble with the law sir!”
”I was talking about the state of my flat and my current job. That's why I need a change of scenery. Maybe I could mess up in a different city, town or part of town. As long as I don't have to be here”, I replied in a rather annoyed tone.
”In that case, you might be in luck sir. Do you fancy coming here for a serious job interview?”
“Is Guinness Irish? Of course I fancy that. It will take me a couple of days to make my travelling arrangements though”, I said and almost expected the guy on the other end to slam down the phone. To my great surprise that didn't happen.
”You don't need any such things sir, we took the liberty of setting up the travel plan from your house to our offices for tomorrow. You could be here by teatime tomorrow, if you catch the 6 o'clock taxi outside your flat tomorrow morning.”
”Are you f*****g serious?? Do you expect me to delay my bedtime that much? What am I thinking, of course you do. I'll be ready, but I might not be totally sober by the time the taxi comes in. I have some serious fridge emptying to do and, as we speak, I have 36 bottles of Carlsberg in my fridge. I don't intend to let any of it go bad”, I replied and started to look forward to the trip.
”As long as you're brain is in working order when you come to our office, we won't be too bothered with what you do tonight. After all, you're not yet working for us.”
”Thank you Mr. Cooper, I'll be in peak condition once I come to the offices. I can sleep on the taxi, the plane to Heathrow and whatever transportation awaits to bring me between the airport and your offices”, I said pretty relieved.
”Excellent. I'll be there to receive you once you come to our offices. Just make sure you get here on time.”
What the hell did this guy think he was? When I say I'll be in peak form, then I certainly will. Well mostly peaking that is.
”No worries, I have plenty of ideas about how to keep myself occupied so I won't miss my ride”, I said and on that note we said our goodbyes.

That was a strange turnaround of fortunes. Though I certainly hoped that I wouldn't be in charge of their restaurant potwash, that would be totally mind blowing.

axeman

The trip
I stumbled drunkenly into the taxi in Reykjavik and had only my shaving kit and a few pairs of undershorts as my luggage. The driver was surprised, but decided not to make a hassle out of it. I asked him to check me in at the Airport, since my drunken slur might not go down well at the desk. He was getting paid by my prospective employers anyway and he was getting paid for both mileage and time, so he wasn't in too much of a hurry. I had another reason why I didn't want to check in myself, namely being drunk makes a man omit a lot of alcoholic vapours when breathing and I wasn't about to cause the ladies at the desk any indignities at that early hour. I also told the driver that I'd probably try to sleep all the way to Keflavik airport, since I had finished off 36 bottles of Carlsberg and I wouldn't be in any shape to hold a conversation long enough. An hour later we were at the airport and I was pretty damn sure that the driver had taken the long route, which he admitted, but only because I didn't have to pay for the trip myself. He knew my reputation it seems, for giving people hell when they've tried to screw me over.

After the successful check-in, I stumbled to the departure lounge and asked the ladies at the bar to give me a pint of the strongest coffee they could brew. I wanted to keep my head clear so I wouldn't miss my flight out. I asked one of them to make sure I'd wake up, if I fell asleep, when my flight was called. Fortunately she was willing to do that, because I needed that push to catch the flight. In fact I needed a glass of ice cold water poured over my head to wake up and catch the flight.

When I got on the plane I asked one of the stewardesses to loan me something to dry my head with, because I had needed the extreme edition of waking up in the departure lounge. She smiled and handed me a towel that apparently is complimental in the business class seats. I thanked her and told her that I'd probably be sleeping throughout the trip. I'd be happy enough to wake up when the plane stopped in front of the terminal building. With that I crashed to sleep and sure enough, the same stewardess woke me up as requested.

I was very sleepy and half stumbled through customs, past customs officers who were very amused to see me pass through. They didn't even bother checking my meagre luggage, not that I was bringing anything that might be considered contraband. Fortunately somebody was waiting for me when I exited the arrivals area and held up a sign with my name on it. It turned out that he had quite a nice car waiting for me outside. A very great looking Aston Martin DB9 and I was flabbergasted. Those guys really do mean business. As it turned out, I couldn't sleep much in the car, especially since the driver didn't exactly feel like driving slowly. We cruised along at around 120mph and it felt like 60 for some reason. Good driving attributes for that car. Maybe I'll win the lottery to get one like that. I'd need that for a car that costs over £130,000.

Finally we came to the office and I was let out of the car. It's not made for passengers though, especially not with my bulky frame. 6'3" and weigh around 300 lbs in the nude. More muscular than flabby and wide shoulders, which is the result of my 10 years of training to be a competitive swimmer in my youth. I had also taken a couple of badges in football coaching, but never actually went into coaching. I guess I was too much of a club fascist, since I would only coach at my favourite club and none other. Unfortunately for me, they didn't have an opening, so that's how it went.
I started training for other sports, basketball, weight lifting and ended up in golf, where I became infamous at my golf club for demanding a rebate off my yearly billing, due to the fact that I never used the fairways when playing. Unfortunately they didn't see things my way and rejected the idea, even if they thought it was amusing. So here I was, waiting to see people who wanted to interview me for a job that I didn't know if I had the skills for or not.

funkybradley

Nice start Axeman, any story that mentions Jenna Jameson has got to be worth reading, although i think you should of uploaded a movie clip. Big fan of her work and I'm sure she's a nice person. Keep it up fella. :thup:

united_forever

very nice axeman.

Looking forward to reading the rest of the story when you post it.

axeman

Thanks guys, I appreciate the heads up
This story will be played at a much slower pace than my other story though, because I want this one to be good on the storyline and deep in content.

************************************************

The Interview
I was shown to the elevator and the operator put a special key into a near hidden slot on the control panel. The elevator started off and we went up beyond the count of floors. Seemed like this building was hiding a few things from public knowledge. It stopped and a voice from the elevator's internal speaker told me to move out and have a seat in the waiting room. I did as asked and moved over there.

Why all the grand secrecy and all about some crummy middle management job? I decided to play things by ear and not get overexcited by anything. This was certainly very unusual, but then again, nothing in my life turned out in the usual and publicly accepted ways.

”Please step into the office Mr. Þráinsson”, a seductive female voice said through a hidden speaker above my head, sounding eerily like the voice of my favourite pr0n actress, Jenna Jameson. I looked around, probably looking a bit overawed by the whole episode. But I decided to comply and stepped into a very spacious office.

Looking across to the desk, I saw a middle aged man sitting and looking my way. He was on the phone and obviously was finishing a call, because he waved me over and then put the phone away.
”I hope I didn't shock you too much”, he said with this strange female voice. :eek:

He then put a small gadget away and continued in a normal baritone voice. ”I love to see the face of people who hear me speaking like that. It's absolutely hilarious at times, but you look like you've seen a few weird things in your life, so that obviously didn't phase you much.”
”It's a pretty neat trick”, I said and grinned. ”I'm sure that many guys, who come here, believe that there's a hot and willing female waiting behind the door and are all flustered when they realise you've played a trick on them.”
”Indeed they are and I've had a lot of laughs at their expense throughout the last few months”, he replied with a satisfied smile on his face. ”But you're the first one to think nothing of it and not to show any disappointment about this small charade. Would you care to tell me why?”
”Sure, I've just had so many strange things happening to me in my life, that nothing really gets to me anymore. I was more surprised with the elevator trick than the voice gag”, I replied and smiled. ”I never expected that to happen when going to a job interview for a middle management job at a department store. Unless something is going on that has nothing to do with that sort of work.”
”You've got a very keen nose, my dear fellow”, he said and smiled. ”Indeed this interview has nothing to do with Derrys or anything like that. Even if I have an office in their office building. No, I want to offer you the chance to get into football management. How does that sound to you?”, he asked enthusiastically and smiled.
”Football management??”, I replied and must have looked like a mouse, when the cat has finally caught it. ”I'm not sure if I'm qualified for the job, though I've had my coaching badges for a few years now. I just haven't had the chance to utilise them for a long time.”
”Well, I'm offering you a fresh start with lots of experienced people assisting you, but the application you sent to us convinced me that you might be the man to help us back into the big time.”
I remembered now that I had sent out a few applications for football related jobs. All the big clubs in the Midlands, quite a few on the south coast and the odd coaching jobs in various other countries. Of course I'd applied for loads of other jobs, totally non-football related, so this was a turn for the better. Or was it?
”So which club are you representing Mr. ....?”, I asked and waited for him to finish my sentence.
”Rick Hayward, chairman of the board at Wolverhampton Wanderers, at your service”, he said smiling.
”That's a step higher than I'd have imagined, Mr. Hayward”, I said, slightly off my guard. ”The Championship is much further up than I'd have imagined possible for me to reach with my current qualifications.”
”Are you saying that you don't fancy the job? After all it's a job you applied for”, he continued and looked me in the eye. “The ideas you put forth in your application rung a bell with me and I'd love to see you take the club as far forward as possible. We'll start you off on a one year contract, worth £4100 per week. I believe that's more than you've been earning recently”, he finished, still looking at me.
”Actually it's more than I've earned in 2 months before now”, I responded half-shocked. “I'm willing to give it a try, for at least one season. If things don't work out, at least we can say we gave it our best shot and then part company without any hard feelings.”

He produced a wad of papers from a drawer in his desk and pushed a button on his phone. A man approached from a side door.

”Mr Hayward?”, he said in a heavy Scottish accent and barely looked my way.
”Ah Jez, this is Tómas Þráinsson from Iceland. He's to become our next manager. I trust that you'll take care of him once the formality of him signing the contract has been fulfilled.” Then to me he said: ”Tómas, this is Jez Moxey, our managing director. He'll be your immediate supervisor on the financial side. I'm not a very hands on chairman, but I will be having a look at your progress once you've signed the contract. Now if you'd please put down your name here on those two sheets of paper and we'll be off and running.”

I shook hands with Mr Moxey and then had a look at the contract. It was a standard contract it seemed, no small print that I could see, despite looking it over thoroughly. On that note I decided to sign, since the pay was good and I could finally try to settle in.

”Now the two of you can leave my office and head off to the Molineux. I'm sure you'll want to look things over in your future office and of course find out what you've got to work with”, he finished and turned to his computer.

Mr. Moxey pointed me towards the side door and I followed him.
In the elevator he turned to me and said: “Ok, Mr. Þráinsson. I don't know yet how we'll get along, but there are a few things we'll need to chat about on our way to the stadium. I guess you'll want to know what sort of financial restraints you'll be facing and what sort of players you have waiting for you.”

So in his car we spoke about various things, how the money was, how the training facilities were and other such things. We got quite personal at some point and found out that we had some mutual interests, especially musically.

“Ok Tomas, you've got £1.2 million to work with in the transfer market and of course all the extra you can raise by selling off players. The wage budget is £120,000 and we're already £6,000 below that point”, he said smiling.
”That's handy, so I reckon I should try to look for bargains in the market, in order to improve the squad properly. I also think that I need to have a look at which players are surplus to requirements. We need to create some leverage if we find players that improve the squad”, I said, thinking out loud.

He let me out at the stadium, where a beautiful young lady was waiting for me.
”This is your secretary Tómas. She's very good at her job and she'll be able to help you with just about anything you need to figure out about the place. I'll be in there again later, to introduce you to the rest of the staff. The players and staff are on holiday and Stephanie here is the only one back.” With that he drove off, leaving me in the company of the stunning Stephanie.

axeman

The Stadium

Stephanie took me on a tour of the Molineux stadium. I must say that I was quite impressed with it. It takes 29,396 spectators and is an all-seater. It has under-soil heating, so not many matches will be postponed due to bad weather.

Then she lead me to my office, which was quite luxurious, to say the least. She had her own desk outside the main door to my office, with lots of nice gadgets and a computer sitting on it, not to forget the irreplaceable telephone.

She showed me through the door to my office, showing me that I had quite the nice surroundings to work in, when I would be in office. Mahogany furniture, leather upholstery and no sign of wood panelling. Of course a computer, telephone, video/dvd player and a 50” wide screen TV. A lot of other nice gadgets, but I noticed that one thing was missing.

“Stephanie, not that I want to sound presumptuous or trying to come on to you, but why isn't there a sofa or an easy chair in here? It might help make players feel more welcome in the office, when I want to have a chat with them about various things. Could you see to it that I get something nice and comfortable for the office as well. Please have this huge table with the extra chairs removed at the same time. Things need to be set to make people feel at ease in here”, I said and smiled. “Just out of curiosity though, are you spoken for?”, I asked and winked.
”No offence taken Tómas”, she said and winked back, “unfortunately for you though, I'm indeed spoken for and I seriously doubt that my fiancée would appreciate me walking into your arms, without at least giving him his due notice. I'll see to the furniture changes and they should be completed before the end of next week.”
I smiled back at her. “No worries my dear, after all my job here is to lead the Wolves into the Premiership again, not hit you up during office hours.”

She laughed and went back outside, leaving me in the office. There were a lot of files on the desk. Mostly to do with the personnel here and potential loan signings, as well as current ones. I decided to pop off to a hotel and have a look at the papers the next day. I was too tired to actually do anything worth mentioning anyway, so I went back out of the office and told Stephanie that I was off to find a place to stay, as I wasn't aware of any arrangements having been made in that regard. She told me that there was a car waiting for me outside and that it would take me to a flat that belonged to the club. I could have it until I've found something for myself or decided to leave town. She winked at me on that last comment, because I think she knows I'm no quitter. I'm also going to be on the lookout for this loverly lass, because if she's ever going to split up with her current fiancée, then I'll be ready to give her a shoulder to cry on.

axeman

Pre-Season
The next morning I came back to the office and decided to have a look at what I'd have to play with. The team looked relatively well balanced, with the odd strengthening needed here and there. But the players I had at the start of season were as follows.

Goalkeepers
Stefan Postma (on loan from Aston Villa)
Paul Jones
Michael Oakes
Matt Murray

Defenders
Jackie McNamara D/M RC
Lee Naylor D/WB L
Joleon Lescott D C
Jody Craddock D C
Gábor Gyepes D RC (on loan from Ferencváros)
Mark Clyde D RC
Conor Rafferty D LC
Rob Edwards D RC

Midfielders
Seyi Olofinjana DM
Paul Ince DM
Darren Anderton AM RC
Colin Cameron AM RC
Mark Davies M C
Mark Kennedy AM LC
Rohan Ricketts AM LC
Seol Ki-Hyeon AM RLC, F C

Attackers
Carl Cort ST
Kenny Miller ST
Leon Clarke ST
Ioan Viorel Ganea ST

Very early on I saw the need to patch up the midfield, since many players were injured and I had to do the same for the heart of my defence, due to injuries as well. So I decided to make loan offers for the following players (all of which eventually got accepted):
Teddy Bjarnason M C (18 years old from Celtic)
Calum Davenport D C (22 years old from Tottenham)
Christian Kabeya AM RC (18 years old from Aston Villa, wouldn't arrive until 25th of August)

I offloaded a few players as well. The first to go was Lewis Gobern, who was bough by Billericay for £16,000 plus some extra amenities. Next up was Kevin O'Connor, who was snapped up by Hinckley for a grand, plus 40% of any future sale. Then it was George Ndah's turn to leave, with Swindon offering 60 grand, plus some extras, which I accepted.

In the meantime, we played a few friendly matches to get ourselves fit for the season. First to invite us for a visit were non-league outfit Kingstonian, who we beat 1-0 in a scrappy affair.

Next we visited Doncaster Rovers and beat them 4-2, despite playing rather poorly throughout the match. But I couldn't really fault the lads due to their heavy training schedule at that time.

Another away game was scheduled for us, this time against Newport County. We didn't have much trouble against them and eventually came away 3-0 winners.

Then we had a great break, when AS Roma came in for a visit to the Molineux. I just wish we'd been at our best, so we could have given them a sniff of our potential. As it turned out, we were no match for them and were lucky not to lose by a greater margin than 3-0.
We did have a few nice chances, but the opposition goalkeepers were too good for our strikers and a certain Mr Cassano terrorised our defenders, throughout the match, on his way to earn a brace. It was a good run though and the lads will have benefited from it a lot.

I didn't have much chance to make any advances on Stephanie, since I was busy trying to get players in for the season. But it looked like a tough proposition, with the lack of finances at my disposal, but I plodded on nonetheless, since I didn't really have a choice.

axeman

I'm sorry but I totally forgot to mention the final friendly game of our Pre-Season.

To build our lads' confidence after the lesson they'd been taught by Roma, we went up to Stockport and soundly beat them 3-0. The lads were buzzing with excitement after the match, because it seemed obvious that some of the lads had picked up a trick or two from the Italian side and, fortunately, it wasn't the theatrical aspect of their play.

axeman

It seems that I also managed to forget about the purchase of Ryan Garry from Arsenal. He's a D LC, only 21 years old and deceptively quick. He was obtained for the paltry sum of £375,000 and is bound to become a massive player for us. At this point, he was the only player to come in on a permanent basis.

***************************************
I really ought to drink more coffee before starting to add to my stories. :cool:

axeman

The Championship August 2005
We finally got to play proper competitive football, when Stoke City came in for a visit to Molineux. I was a bit nervous before the game, because I didn't know how the lads had adapted to the way we planned to play. But my worries turned out to be unfounded as we ran out comfortable 3-0 winners with the goals coming courtesy of Carl Cort, Leon Clarke and Ioan Viorel Ganea. We'd had more of the ball, more shots on goal and our goalkeeper, Paul Jones had been very safe when called upon.

Next up we had to travel up to Crewe. We fell behind in the 18th minute thanks to Kenny Wright's pacey running on the counter attack. In the second half we got back into it though, with Carl Cort levelling things on 52 minutes and then we won it thanks to Leon Clarke's awareness, when the goalkeeper came off his line and got chipped for his troubles.

The next match was at home against recently relegated Southampton and it was to be one of the most boring encounters I've witnessed in football. Neither team created much and as a result, the 0-0 score was thoroughly deserved by both teams.

A week later we had to travel to Plymouth in Devon and meet the home side at their aptly named stadium, Home Park. Both teams played it tight at the back and even if both teams showed some neat interplay out on the pitch, neither had enough nous about themselves when coming into the final third of the pitch. Therefore the final score of 0-0 gave a good impression of the proceedings. Hasney Aljofree got injured for the Pilgrims early in the second half and, despite that, we couldn't capitalise and when Rohan Ricketts got himself sent off for his second yellow card in 10 minutes, we decided to play it tight at the back and avoid any misadventures for the rest of the match.

Next up we had to visit Peterborough in the English League Cup. The League Two outfit never stood a chance, as the visitors ran rampant all over the pitch. Final score was 0-4 to the Wolves, with the goals coming from Lee Naylor, Carl Cort, Gábor Gyepes and Seyi Olofinjana.

The following weekend we would finally have a home game and the visitors were reckoned to be the more likely to snatch a win. Leeds United were not in a very good form though, having won only one match in the Championship so far, drawn one and lost two. On the other hand they were coming off a win against Stockport in the League Cup. We took the lead from a Rohan Ricketts penalty, after Rui Marques had been called for a foul against Gyepes. It was back and forth stuff from then on and both managers were running out of fingernails, when Eddie Lewis scored the equaliser in the 78th minute from a masterful freekick on the edge of the box. I was becoming as agitated as a beast in a cage, as the final whistle grew closer and then, in the 88th minute, Kenny Miller snatched the winner for us, when he cheekily chipped Neil Sullivan from the edge of the area. The only blemish for us in this match was Gyepes having to withdraw injured after only 25 minutes. I praised the lads for their battling qualities at the end of this 2-1 victory and told them that if they kept fighting until the end, like in this game, there was a real possibility of returning to the top flight at the end of season.

For the final match of August, we had to head to the Madejski Stadium to play Reading. And sure enough, we started off on the wrong foot in that game. We fell behind in the 24th minute, when Glen Little slammed home the rebound after Dave Kitson's header hit the post. We managed to level things out at the death of the first half, when Carl Cort out-jumped Hahneman in the [/b]Reading[/b] goal. In the second half, we managed to get into the lead in the 71st minute, when Leon Clarke got on the end of a Ganea cross. That joy didn't last long, because Dave Kitson finally managed to make good on threatening to score for so long in the game. He was on the end of Glen Little's cross and made no mistakes from 6 yards. We did manage to steal all three points though, when Olofinjana scored a right cracker from 25 yards out. The rest of the match was nailbiting stuff and we managed to hold on. So a 3-2 victory was thoroughly deserved we thought, but Steve Coppell wasn't exactly in agreement with me.

Summary All matches Championship, unless otherwise stated
Wolves – Stoke 3-0 (Cort, Clarke, Ganea)
Crewe – Wolves 1-2 (Wright – Cort, Clarke)
Wolves – Southampton 0-0
Plymouth – Wolves 0-0
Peterborough – Wolves 0-4 (Naylor, Cort, Gyepes, Olofinjana) League Cup 1st round
Wolves – Leeds 2-1 (Ricketts, Miller – Lewis)
Reading – Wolves 2-3 (Little, Kitson – Cort, Clarke, Olofinjana)

During this month, I was trying to figure out if Stephanie was unhappy in her relationship, but I couldn't see any signs of that, so I decided to let things rest for a bit. She was meticulous in her work and everything was absolutely perfect. I think she was the best assistant I'd ever had, but then again this club is the biggest I've ever been at. Of course I'd only been coaching at junior level back home, so this was hardly surprising either.

Jody Craddock came to me with an outrageous wage demand, wanting to jump from £1,500 per week to £11,000, which to me was absolutely unacceptable. So when he refused my offer of £4500 p/week, then I transfer listed him and told him that he wouldn't playing for us again. He then accepted a contract with Southampton, which paid him all of £4,300 p/week. Talk about being a jack-ass.

On the incoming side, Paul Wotton arrived from Plymouth on the last day of the transfer window for £750,000. Though if we sell him on, then the Pilgrims will receive 25% of that transfer fee.