retired_aurie

December 2005

There's something wrong in Paradise

I came to the office as usual around 8am, on Thursday the 1st, and sent the lads quite soon to practice, with Stuart Grey as overseer of the session. I needed to look into a lot of reports and of course see how long our players would need to recover from the odd knocks and bruises they'd managed to accumulate over time.

About 30 minutes into my study of the physio reports, Stephanie came into my office with reddish eyes and it was obvious that she'd been crying.

”Hey Steph, what's with the long face and crying? What's wrong?”, I asked cautiously.
”I caught him cheating on me and I've left him”, was the unexpected answer.
”Caught who? Mike??”, I asked.

Author's note: Mike is the now former fiancée of Stephanie.

”Yes, the cheating bastard was sleeping with my sister, of all people”, she said and started crying again.

I stood up and walked over to her and put my arms around her.
”Here kid, put your head on my shoulder and let it flow. No need to bury your sorrows inside yourself. Just let it all out and take your time doing it. I'll be there for you if you need anything”, I said and decided that getting into her head wouldn't be the best tactical move at this point in time.

Little by little the tear flow started to subside and she suddenly pressed into me. What the hell was that all about? Could it be that she'd want more than just a pat on the back and a shoulder to cry on? My head was more or less spinning, because I had no idea how to deal with this situation.

Stephanie turned her head and kissed my cheek and then turned around to leave the office. I went back to my desk, but as soon as I'd sat down, she returned with a tray holding a pot of tea and two cups.

”Two cups? Is there someone coming in for morning tea?”, I asked, a bit sheepishly.
”No you silly git, it's for the two of us. I can't bear the thought of being alone in the reception at the moment”, she replied and looked at me. ”I want to thank you for being there for me and not try to take advantage of my predicament. Not many guys are like that”, she continued and looked at me.
”I only did what a friend should do, no matter the situation”, I said and looked her in the eye. ”And you certainly looked like you needed a shoulder to cry on, not someone to throw you on your back for a quick shag. You are a very attractive woman Steph, but even the fact, that I'm attracted to you, won't change the fact that you're going to need some time to get your thoughts together.”
She blushed a bit at that and thought about what I'd said. She had a few sips of her tea and then put it away. “Thank you for the kind words, Tomas. You seem a bit old for my taste, but who knows. Maybe that's just what I need to avoid a situation like that in the future.”

My heart sank to the floor when I heard those words, but I was still determined to make sure that she'd come around and see things my way.

”I know I'm a fair bit older than you Steph, but who knows. Maybe we'll find a mutual meeting point in the future. I know that trying to force you into a change of mind is futile at best, so consider me a friend for starters, someone you can come to when you have problems and need support. If that leads us any further we'll deal with it at the time. For now I'll help you get over this and even help you find someplace to stay until you find something.”
”Thank you Tomas, I do need somewhere to stay the night and going to a hotel isn't particularly appealing”, she said and looked a bit worried.
”If you don't find anything, you can stay at my place. I'll vacate the bed and sleep on the living room couch. Don't worry about the sheets, I changed them this morning because I was sweating like a pig last night. Dreaming about playing football and scoring 5 goals does that to a man”, I said and grinned.
”Thank you, I'll take you up on that if nothing comes out of my search. And try to dream about something easier in the future. Like watching football”, she said and sported a big grin. Then she stood up, kissed me again on the cheek and went back to her own desk.

Holy hand grenade! Now this was a turn of events that I couldn't have foreseen. I decided to dive into the reports and put this situation on the backburner for now. What a start to the morning.

retired_milla0225

Good work here, Axeman.

Besides, anyone who can use the phrase Holy Hand Grenade in polite converstaion deserves all the plaudits in the world.

retired_aurie

Thanks chesterfan2.
Being a major fan of all sorts of comedy, especially Red Dwarf and Monty Python, helps me to kick in with the odd quote that I might, for some odd reason, find fitting the scenes.

Just wait until I start throwing in all my favourite Red Dwarf quotes

retired_aurie

Back to football matters
Saturday came around and we had to visit The Canaries at Carrow Road in Norwich. We came out really determined and gained the upper hand on 35 minutes, when Bobby Zamora, our new loan signing, scored a good header from a Kabeya cross. All the good work came to nothing in the second half, when two moments of total communication cockups gave the home team two goals and the victory, Dean Ashton and Andy Hughes getting the goals. I bashed the lads after the match and according to Lee Naylor, everybody was fearful for their lives, even Paul Ince, who's used to all sorts of temper tantrums in his long career.

Paul Wotton, Leon Clarke and Calum Davenport managed to injure themselves in training after the match, but fortunately they wouldn't be out for long. I decided to risk giving Wotton and Clarke painkilling injections before the next match, but eventually didn't need to risk them on the pitch.

The angry lecture after the horrible performance against The Canaries ensured that the lads came out all guns blazing against The Owls. Bobby Zamora, the loanee from West Ham, was especially fired up and he hammered in a hattrick in the first half, along with Ganea's solitary goal, the first of which was a shot so powerful, that the ball bounced into the goal despite the goalkeeper supposedly having every chance of catching the ball. Heroics from Matt Murray in the first half ensured that we ran away without conceding a goal in this match.

After the match I learned that Kenny Miller would be returning to normal training and the rest of the injury victims were mostly returning as well. Carl Cort would also be returning shortly, so things were looking up.

I've been trying to secure Ganea to a new contract recently, but unfortunately the poor lad, despite his desire to sign, has been rejected a continued work permit. I have to try later in the season though, because he's already played 44 international matches for Romania, where he's scored 19 goals. And still the obnoxious pencil pushers reject our application for him. And what's worse, I can't even appeal against this decision. Something has to give there, because this player is too good to be treated like this.

Next up was a visit to Brighton on the South Coast and with the performance that we put in there, we deserved exactly what we got from the match, a big fat NOTHING. Stupid decisions on the pitch, non-existent awareness and, too early in the match, a penalty against Naylor, which was easily converted into a goal. I gave the players a real dressing down after the match and asked them if they were trying to avoid promotion. Nobody responded to that, though some guilty looks were cast between the players.

Before our next game, Lescott injured himself in training and I couldn't expect him back for the next 2-4 weeks. That meant I had to call up a half fit Wotton, since he was the only defender not in the intensive care unit.

Davenport and Wotton returned to full training in the afternoon of the Saturday before our match against rivals Stoke City. The Sunday match was bound to be a rough affair, especially after hearing the declarations of Boskamp before the match. Both teams came out with murder in their minds and it was an ugly encounter with many hard fouls. Why the referee only carded a handful of players will remain a mystery for the Twilight Zone I suppose. Ganea opened the scoring for us in the 17th minute and Russell got one back for the home team, after a dreadful defensive display from us. Fortunately we had Kenny Miller on the bench and his pace created a goal for him, when he ran onto a through ball from Kabeya and cheekily chipped Simonsen in The Potters' goal. We hung on for the win, but it got a bit hairy at the end. Fortunately Murray managed to keep everything out and that turned out to be the difference between the teams on the day.

I was a much happier person in the post-match teamtalk and told them that it was a good win. I'd seen a totally different attitude out there and that's what counted at the end of the day. More of the same I said and the players were much happier on the team bus back to Wolverhampton.

Change of fortunes?

Knowing about how lonely Christmas could be after a broken up relationship, I decided to ask Stephanie out on Christmas Day. She had found shelter at her brother's house in Birmingham, so she could still show up at work at normal times, though she needed to get going before 6:30 to make it into her parking space before 8am. She accepted my invitation, which made me very glad, because I wanted to show her that I'd be there for her when she needed company.

We spent the day walking around Wolverhampton town centre, where I was asked for a lot of autographs by parents who wanted to surprise their children. I must admit that I was absolutely flabbergasted by the demand that my signature was in and I was only too happy to give them, to ensure that I had a good relationship with the fanbase. Stephanie was surprised by how calm I was about all this, but I told her that to keep the respect and support of the fans, the last thing I could afford would be to show them disrespect.

We had a wonderful time at the posh restaurant where I'd booked our dinner and she was very pleasant during our stay there. 4 hours later, when we'd emptied our heads of anything to talk about in that place, I offered to take her home. I didn't know if she wanted to take a taxi or get the ride. She asked me if she could stay at my place, since there was a match the following day and she wanted to be there for the match.

When we got to my place, I offered her something to drink and she hesitantly accepted a glass of white wine. I decided to have one as well and we then sat down in the only proper sitting furniture in my living room, the two-seat sofa. We spent a long time talking and the drinks were hardly touched. Eventually she leaned into me and I decided to take my chance and planted a light kiss on her lips. For a change, my decision to take a chance on a woman didn't backfire and she kissed me back. In the end we stumbled to my bed, where I'll cut the story short. I leave it up to your imagination what happened there.

Boxing Day and football
We were visited by Crewe Alexandra for the first match of the Christmas period and it turned out to be quite a thrilling match. The final score of 1-0 to us failed to adequately show the sort of attacking football on display by both sides. Olofinjana scored the only goal of the match, when he won a near post aerial duel after Kennedy's corner kick. The rest of the match was a nailbiting affair and in the end we held on for the win.

Stephanie met me outside the players lounge when I'd finished congratulating the lads and we decided to go in there and sit down over a cup of tea. I asked her if she'd consider going out with me again following the night before and to my great delight she said she would. So that's where we decided to give it a chance. We also decided that if things wouldn't work out, we'd continue to be friends and work colleagues and I was glad that we would try to keep things on that level. Whether it would work like that in practice, was something I hoped we'd never have to have tested.

The next day Wigan came in with a rather insulting offer for Mark Kennedy. They wanted one of our key players for a paltry £775,000, which is about a million below what I'd accept for a player with his experience and dressing room presence, not speaking of his footballing ability. I told them flat out that the player wasn't for sale and as a key player in our squad, they could look elsewhere for a bargain. Apparently Crystal Palace are also interested, but they'll have to look elsewhere too.

On the 28th of December we had to travel to the South Coast again. This time to play at St. Mary's Stadium against Southampton. We knew that they'd be extremely difficult to play against, especially with the two sprinters up front. Sure enough, they took the lead in the 40th minute, when our players failed to be on the lookout for their pacy strikers and Quincy Owusu Abeyie scored a fairly easy goal. It took us all of the second half to nick a point and that came through a rather strange channel. In the 88th minute Marian Pahars, who'd replaced Ebanks-Blake due to the latter's injury, tried a long lofted backpass. He seriously misjudged the distance and with Antti Niemi charging out of his area, Carl Cort jumped for the ball and headed it into the empty net from 25 yards. We had a few hairy moments in the final moments of the match, but fortunately we managed to keep them out. A good result and I was quite happy to tell the lads so at the end. The only downside to the match was the yellow card shown to Paul Wotton, which meant he'd be out of our next match suspended.

Summary All matches Championship, unless otherwise stated
Norwich – Wolves 2-1 (Ashton, Hughes – Zamora)
Wolves – Sheff Wed 4-0 (Ganea, Zamora (3))
Brighton – Wolves 1-0 (Knight (pen))
Stoke – Wolves 1-2 (Russell – Ganea, Miller)
Wolves – Crewe 1-0 (Olofinjana)
Southampton – Wolves 1-1 (Abeyie – Cort)

The top six at the end of December:
<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Southampton | | 26 | 18 | 3 | 5 | 47 | 17 | +30 | 57 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Crystal Palace | | 26 | 16 | 6 | 4 | 54 | 28 | +26 | 54 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Wolves | | 26 | 15 | 5 | 6 | 43 | 23 | +20 | 50 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Norwich | | 26 | 14 | 7 | 5 | 39 | 20 | +19 | 49 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Preston | | 26 | 12 | 7 | 7 | 45 | 32 | +13 | 43 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Sheff Utd | | 26 | 12 | 7 | 7 | 29 | 25 | +4 | 43 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

The Premiership at the end of December:
<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Chelsea | | 18 | 15 | 3 | 0 | 34 | 6 | +28 | 48 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Man Utd | | 18 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 35 | 12 | +23 | 36 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Arsenal | | 18 | 9 | 6 | 3 | 33 | 13 | +20 | 33 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Newcastle | | 19 | 10 | 3 | 6 | 32 | 20 | +12 | 33 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Aston Villa | | 19 | 10 | 3 | 6 | 22 | 14 | +8 | 33 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Blackburn | | 19 | 9 | 5 | 5 | 25 | 17 | +8 | 32 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 7th | | Everton | | 19 | 10 | 2 | 7 | 27 | 29 | -2 | 32 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 8th | | Liverpool | | 18 | 9 | 4 | 5 | 23 | 15 | +8 | 31 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 9th | | Tottenham | | 19 | 7 | 9 | 3 | 24 | 22 | +2 | 30 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10th | | Middlesbrough | | 19 | 8 | 2 | 9 | 32 | 34 | -2 | 26 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 11th | | Bolton | | 18 | 7 | 4 | 7 | 31 | 26 | +5 | 25 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 12th | | Man City | | 19 | 6 | 5 | 8 | 18 | 17 | +1 | 23 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 13th | | Charlton | | 19 | 6 | 3 | 10 | 27 | 31 | -4 | 21 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 14th | | Fulham | | 19 | 5 | 6 | 8 | 11 | 17 | -6 | 21 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 15th | | West Brom | | 19 | 5 | 5 | 9 | 16 | 25 | -9 | 20 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 16th | | West Ham | | 19 | 5 | 5 | 9 | 19 | 33 | -14 | 20 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 17th | | Portsmouth | | 19 | 5 | 4 | 10 | 19 | 34 | -15 | 19 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 18th | | Birmingham | | 19 | 4 | 3 | 12 | 15 | 27 | -12 | 15 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 19th | | Sunderland | | 19 | 2 | 7 | 10 | 17 | 34 | -17 | 13 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 20th | | Wigan | | 18 | 1 | 2 | 15 | 8 | 42 | -34 | 5 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

retired_aurie

New Years Eve
After the afternoon training session, I gave the lads the rest of the day off and told them to go and enjoy being with their families. They were happy to have the late session off, because that's when I tended to have the weights and long distance running for them. None of them were too keen on going for that on that night.

I went and picked up Stephanie at her place and we went to a quiet restaurant where we could talk without being drowned by too much noise and be overcrowded by some overenthusiastic waiters or waitresses. We stayed there for almost 4 hours, nibbling at our food and drinking little. There was an electric feeling in the air and neither one of us could miss it. When we left the place we decided to go to her place, which was definitely going to be much classier than my rat hole of a flat. Especially considering that I've never been the most effective cleaners out there.

When we got to her flat however, we were in for a shock. A note was sitting on the front door and on it there was a rather nasty looking message: “Don't believe you're off the hook just yet” was the message and I saw that it sent shivers down Stephanie's back.
”Is that from your bastard of an ex-boyfriend?”, I asked in a concerned voice.
”Yes, this is from Mike. He can be a nasty sort if he gets angry”, she replied and looked scared.
She opened the door to her flat and then she gasped in terror. I looked in and saw that the place was a horrible mess. It was obvious that Mike had gone all out to punish Stephanie for doing the right thing. Pictures were strewn all over the floor, clothes and papers and all sorts of kitchen utensils were in the mix and her furniture was more or less firewood by now.
”Take whatever you think you need and is whole around here Steph, we'll go to my dump and talk this over. This is so wrong and you never deserved this”.
”I'm not touching anything just yet, I'm going to call the police right now”, she said and had a very determined look on her face. ”The bastard is not going to get away with this”.
”Do you know how sexy you are when you're angry?”, I asked and planted a kiss on the back of her neck. It sent shivers down her spine and she smiled a little.

It took the police about 30 minutes to get there and in the meantime we sat outside the flat and talked about this. Stephanie was absolutely furious and if I hadn't been there, she'd no doubt have gone after Mike with some of the spilled kitchen knives. In the back of my mind I decided to go and pay him a visit that he wouldn't forget in a hurry. I was careful not to tell her about it, because that could mean that she could take offence. The police asked her a few standard questions and then went into the flat to have a look. Pretty soon the forensics department showed up and started dusting for fingerprints and looking for something, that might give them an idea of who was responsible. We stayed out there until the police was done and then we went in and had a look at the infernal mess. Absolutely everything was either broken, defiled or otherwise maltreated. We went back out and locked the place up. Tonight wasn't the night that we wanted to face this head on. So we went back to my place, ugly as it may be, and got absolutely rat-arsed. In the back of my mind I was so angry that Mike would be in for a bad surprise at the start of the new year.

retired_aurie

The Visit
The following morning I asked Seyi Olofinjana to come with me to settle a score with Stephanie's ex. Since he'd been chosen to represent Nigeria in the African Cup Of Nations, there was little chance of him getting into much trouble over this. I wanted him along as an overseer, more than someone who'd be in on the action. I told him that I didn't want him to get into trouble, so he stay back unless things would get really ugly. He was only too happy to accompany me to Mike's house, because he, like the rest of the lads, really liked Steph for the cheery manner she always greeted everybody in. And of course I reckon all of them fancied a roll in the hay with her, but alas, I was there first

I decided to be courteous at first, because I knew that jumping on the guy wouldn't give me any answers. With that in mind I showed up just before lunchtime, when I knew that he'd be home, and rang the doorbell. Mike's face lit up in horror when he saw me at the door and he tried to slam the door in my face. I was quicker though and slammed the door right back and moved into the flat. I asked Seyi to stay outside, but leave the door unlocked while I was in there, because I might want him to come in to stop me killing the guy, should the danger arise.

”So Mike, what was your motive for trashing Steph's flat on New Year's Eve?”, I asked and must have looked very menacing, because he was blabbering in fright.
”It wasn't me, it wasn't me I tell you”, he yelped and turned near white as the blood rushed from his head.
”Then who was it, you cheating b@stard? Her neighbours saw you coming out of her flat around the time the place got demolished. So I'd say you're in serious trouble for it. So spill the beans buster.”
”Ok, it was me. But I never thought it up by myself, it was Andrea, her sister, who wanted her punished for leaving me”, he was near crying at this point.
”If you think this is going to relieve you of pain, you're dead wrong Mike. You need to be punished, if only to show you that taking orders from vindictive sisters is for pathetic idiots. Come to think of it, you are one”, I said and crashed my fist into his jaw.

He fell to the floor and was out cold. What a weak weasel he was. I decided to leave the flat right away and Seyi looked concerned when he saw Mike lying on the floor.

”Did you kill him Tomas?”, he asked.
”No, I just hit the loser once and he was out cold like I'd shot him. But he's breathing and should wake up in about an hour or so. I hope he'll have a massive headache though. I reckon you should go back home now and get some well deserved rest for the match tomorrow against Leeds. I have one more place to go and I won't be needing backup there.”

Without a word he left and I wondered what he would think of me. I decided to pay Andrea a visit too, since she wasn't working at this point in time and would be home alone. When I got there, I decided to use Steph's key to enter their parents' house, as that's where Andrea lived.

There was nobody downstairs and I knew that both her parents would be out working until late, so there were only two places left to go: The bathroom and her bedroom. I decided to put my ear up against the bathroom door and sure enough, the shower was running. I decided to test the handle and found that the door wasn't locked. I looked in the mirror and saw that she was busy washing herself, so I decided to be her greeting party when she left the shower.

5 minutes later she opened the shower booth and gasped in surprise when she saw me there. She made no attempt to hide her private parts though, which I found rather odd, but then again it would be too little, too late, as I'd already seen what there was to see.

”Tomas? What are you doing here?”, she asked in a surprised tone, but I could see a bit of fear in her eyes as well.
”We need to talk a bit Andrea; about you, Mike and Steph's trashed flat”, I replied coldly.
”How do you know about that?”, she asked and there was real fear in her eyes now.
”I paid Mike a short visit and he gave you away before he went to sleep”, I said, ”he spilled the beans about how you thought up the scheme to punish Steph for breaking up with him.”
”What do you mean he went to sleep? And why shouldn't I have punished her, it was me who seduced Mike, not the other way around. It was the perfect ruse for me to get laid without having to invite anyone here. Now that's dead and buried, thanks to her”, there was anger and hatred in her voice. Quite obviously this young lady wasn't quite firing on all cylinders.
”To answer your first question, I put him to sleep with one nudge of my right fist. And to the latter question, you're quite demented to think that Steph deserved any of your misguided anger. Why didn't you try to land Mike for yourself, since he was available now?”, I was starting to get a bit angry.
”That loser was nothing but a toy and now he's too scared to even look at me, let alone go to bed with me. So he's off my back and I'm glad. Maybe you'd be willing to step into the picture with me?”, she said seductively.
”Forget it Andrea, I'm not going to fall for your little trick. But it looks like you need some punishment. I'm going to take you home and have you face your sister, like you're dressed now”, I said mercilessly.

She was too surprised to answer, when I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the house and into my car. I drove her over to my place and dragged her into the flat, only to find Steph sitting in the kitchen having her afternoon tea early.

”What's the idea behind my sister coming here totally naked Tomas?”, she asked absolutely stunned.
”She has a little something to tell you Steph. Don't you Andrea?”, I said and pushed her into the kitchen.
Andrea trembled but didn't say anything. I could see tears starting to well up in her eyes, as she knew I was going to spill the beans anyway.
”She was the mastermind behind trashing your flat Steph, coaxing Mike into doing her dirty work because he was a powerless toy in her hands”, I said and looked at them.
”How did you find out Tomas?”, Stephanie asked in a concerned tone.
”I paid Mike a visit and he came clean, though I didn't have to do much to persuade him. He was too scared to try to lie about it”, I answered truthfully.
”Did you hurt him much?”, she asked and looked at me. ”I want the truth Tomas!”
”I knocked him out after he talked, mainly because I couldn't contain myself. I had no intention of taking it further, because I wanted to get the confirmation from your sister”, I replied. ”It took less than 3 minutes to get the confession from your sister and I didn't even have to try to persuade her to talk. She did so of her own free will. I even have a form of punishment for her, if you're willing to hear my idea”, I continued and looked at Steph.
”Punishment?? You've got to be joking! Steph, what's this going to be? Spankorama or something worse?”, Andrea exclaimed and there was fury in her eyes.
”Shut the hell up Andrea and hear the man out. If he's going where I think he is, you won't have to worry about pain”, Steph said and winked at me. I'm damn sure she can read my mind sometimes.
”The best form of punishment is to let her clean up the place from top to bottom. And leave it immaculate at the end. Then we'll call it even with her. Mike, on the other hand, might need a different kind of punishment, but I'll leave the invention up to you Steph”, I said and looked at Stephanie's smiling face.
”Don't worry, I have the perfect punishment for him. I'm going to let him sort out my back garden before summer. It's a mess and I don't have gardener's fingers. I know he'll get the fright of a lifetime when he finds out.”
Steph let out a little chuckle at this, which meant that Mike must have hated working in the garden. I decided to take Andrea back to her home, but this time she got one of Steph's overcoats to cover her modesty. She was fuming at having to clean up the mess she had orchestrated, but there was no way out of it, or we'd bring the police into it and her parents would go ballistic on her.

When I got back to my flat, holding the overcoat, Steph was quite surprised. I told her that I'd let her sister in and then taken the coat, so she wouldn't have had to go about outside in the nude. It was a little bit too cold there to stay outside for long. She chuckled at that and told me that she'd called Mike about his part in this. His use of profanities could have filled a dictionary, but Steph told him, in no uncertain terms, that she'd be sending me to pick him up when the work needed to be started. He let go of all fight then and told her that he'd be ready when the time came. About time things started to look right.

retired_aurie

Back to footballing matters
On January 2nd we had to travel to Elland Road to meet Leeds United. To say that we performed badly would be a gross understatement, as we were practically keelhauled there. Onloan Steven Davis scored twice for Leeds, while David Healy and Richard Cresswell added the other two goals. For us Ioan Viorel Ganea and Carl Cort scored the consolation goals. To say I was unhappy would be another understatement of note, because I really tore into the lads in the dressing room. So much so that Darren Potter decided to add that in his post match interview with the press. I decided to let it be, because the players needed to get things off their chest too.

Next up was a match against Plymouth Argyle at Molineux. In a very tightly contested affair, we came away 2-0 winners, courtesy of Bobby Zamora and Kenny Miller. I was much more complimentary of the lads after this match, because this was a real dogfight against a team that was fighting against relegation.

The FA Cup was next for us and we were up against Hull City at The Circle. This was a fierce match, both teams tackling hard for all they were worth and that resulted in Damien Delaney getting sent off in the 43rd minute for a professional foul. We couldn't break the ice though and the match ended in a 0-0 draw, much to my anger. I let the lads know how I felt about it and this time Lee Naylor confessed to the press that I had rightfully been mad at them for not finishing the game off against 10 men.

Following the match, we were drawn to face Burnley in the 4th round, should we manage to win our replay match against The Tigers. But it was back to league football and our next opponents were Reading at Molineux. Bobby Zamora got us one up in the 28th minute and Kenny Miller added another in the first minute of the second half. More wasn't to happen in the match, despite the tough playing of both teams.

The midweek game was our FA Cup 3rd round replay against Hull City at Molineux. This time the lads seemed mindful of how I had gone ballistic after the goalless draw, because Colin Cameron got us the lead in the 14th minute. Paul Wotton added another in the 22nd minute, with a 30 yard pile driver from a freekick. Kenny Miller scored his only goal in the 88th minute, his 50th in a Wolves shirt, and in the 90th minute Wotton added his second, with a powerful header after Potter's pinpoint cross from a freekick. Deep in injury time The Tigers got a penalty, following Ryan Garry's handball in the box. Stuart Elliott took the penalty, but Paul Jones showed great reflexes when he saved the shot and managed to latch onto the ball on the second attempt. Next round in the FA Cup beckoned.

Back to league football and we had to travel to Leicester for our next match. Kenny Miller celebrated his 50th goal in a Wolves shirt in the 4th minute, by scoring his 50th league goal for us. Colin Cameron added our second in the 49th minute and that's how the match ended, even though both teams tried their hardest to get something more from the game.

The fourth round of the FA Cup turned out to be one of the weirdest matches I've managed the team in so far. Beforehand the teams were expected to be evenly matched, but John McGreal decided to put his team at a disadvantage when he got himself sent off for a professional foul after only 36 seconds. Then veteran Dion Dublin scored an own goal in the 11th minute and from that moment on we were coasting. Leon Clarke scored in the 16th minute and Paul Wotton made it 3-0 in the 23rd minute. Burnley pulled one back in the 29th minute, via Gifton Noel-Williams, but Kenny Miller coolly slotted home our fourth in the 35th minute. Graham Branch went off injured for the home team in the 50th minute, to be replaced by Michael Duff. 17 minutes later Mark Kennedy had to go off injured for us, but unfortunately we had already used up all our subs by then. That didn't seem to matter though, because Paul Wotton added his second in the 69th minute from the penalty spot and finally Ganea finished the rout by scoring our 6th in the 84th minute. I was ecstatic after the match and didn't hesitate to tell the lads about it, because my policy is that if they do good, they get to know, the same as if they do badly. Following this match, we found out that our next opponents in the FA Cup would be the winners from the match between Newcastle and Wigan.

The final match of an action packed month, was our away game at Portman Road in Ipswich. And according to the pundits, this was the match of the season, despite 15 matches remaining. And what a start to the game. James McEveley scored an own goal to get us one up in the 2nd minute and Leon Clarke added another for us 9 minutes later. Dean Bowditch got one back for the Tractor Boys just before halftime and I was absolutely furious with the lads for losing their concentration so badly. 3 more minutes and Ipswich were back on level terms, again courtesy of Bowditch. I had made a couple of substitutions at halftime, Ganea came on for Clarke and Ki-Hyeon came on for Kennedy, who was carrying a knock from the first half. In the 60th minute I decided to send the ageing Paul Ince on for Darren Potter, who'd been very ineffective in the match. 9 minutes later Ganea scored our third goal and then 5 minutes later, Kenny Miller added another. We didn't have long to celebrate, because Lee Naylor got injured in the 77th minute and with us having used up our substitutes, I went to 3 at the back, with Ince in front of them as cover. Our disorganisation at the back yielded the 3rd goal of the match to Ipswich, this time the scorer was Sam Parkin. But when it seemed that we might capitulate under the pressure, Ganea managed to score our 5th goal of the match and seal the win. A superb match and, to be honest, I didn't have any fingernails left, having bitten them all off. The lads were well worth the praise I heaped on them in the dressing room and I hoped that Naylor would recover soon.

Summary All matches Championship, unless otherwise stated
Leeds – Wolves 4-2 (Davis (2), Healy, Cresswell – Ganea, Cort)
Wolves – Plymouth 2-0 (Zamora, Miller)
Hull – Wolves 0-0 FA Cup 3rd Round
Wolves – Reading 2-0 (Zamora, Miller)
Wolves – Hull 4-0 (Cameron, Wotton (2), Miller) FA Cup 3rd Round Replay
Leicester – Wolves 0-2 (Miller, Cameron)
Burnley – Wolves 1-6 (Noel-Williams – Dublin (o.g.), Clarke, Wotton (2), Miller, Ganea) FA Cup 4th Round
Ipswich – Wolves 3-5 (Bowditch (2), Parkin – McEveley (o.g.), Clarke, Ganea (2), Miller)

Top six at the end of January:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Southampton | | 31 | 22 | 3 | 6 | 57 | 22 | +35 | 69 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Crystal Palace | | 31 | 19 | 8 | 4 | 62 | 32 | +30 | 65 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Wolves | | 31 | 19 | 5 | 7 | 56 | 30 | +26 | 62 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Norwich | | 31 | 17 | 9 | 5 | 44 | 22 | +22 | 60 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Sheff Utd | | 31 | 16 | 7 | 8 | 37 | 27 | +10 | 55 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Leeds | | 31 | 14 | 9 | 8 | 41 | 30 | +11 | 51 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

retired_aurie

February 2006

Mike and his cleaning duties and some football
Finally I decided to pay Mike a visit and usher him over to Steph's place to clean it up. She grinned when she saw the look on my face and told me that there would be a nice bonus awaiting me when I'd return home. My wicked imagination was quick to set up a rather stiff walk to the car, much to the amusement of my fiancée.

I came over to Mike's and when I knocked on his door, he wasn't best pleased. But I told him that it was time and he better get ready or I'd make him ready. On that note he got fully dressed and went with me to my car. I took him over to Steph's flat and told him that I'd leave him there for 4 hours and the place better be sparkling when I'd be back, or there would be hell to pay.

While Mike was doing his cleaning duties, I had to go over to Molineux because we had a match to play. Sheffield United were coming in for a visit and it was bound to be one hell of a fight, because Warnock's lads aren't known for laying down against anyone. Kenny Miller got us underway, when he scored with a cheeky chip after only 36 seconds. The match was all hard tackles and power play and in a way we were lucky to still be in the lead at the end of the first half. Ryan Garry made the mistake of fouling David Unsworth in the box in the 63rd minute and after we'd spent a minute protesting the call, Unsworth scored from the ensuing penalty. I had already made all my substitutions at that time in the match and changed to a very attack minded 4-5-1 system for the final 25 minutes of the match. Deep into injury time Ioan Viorel Ganea scored the winning goal after he pounced on a rebound from the goalkeeper's parry. The Blades never even had the chance to restart the match, because the ref blew for time when our lads were coming back from celebrating the goal.

When I came back to the flat, it had undergone a massive transformation. No longer was it all a mess, but it was shiny and looked as if nothing untowards had ever happened to it. Mike was sitting in the living room, sweat streaming down his face and next to him were 3 females. It turned out that he'd hired them to help clean the place, because he knew, that due to the immense amount of trashing that had been done, he could never finish the job on his own. I told him that he should learn from this and make sure that he'd stay away from Steph from then on. If he didn't, he'd be a very sorry man. He left the house, with the girls in tow, vowing that I'd never see him again. I certainly hoped that he'd make good on that vow.

Returning to my flat I noticed that there was a trail of sexy underwear leading from the living room and into my bedroom. *BOING* went my privates and I hurried into the bedroom, only to be greeted with total darkness. What was that all about, but suddenly the door closed behind me and as I turned around to check what was going on, something went over my head and I was dragged backwards and landed arse first on the bed. Next thing I knew, the hood was taken off me and Steph whispered that it was time for my bonus.

When I came back from the bliss, it was almost midnight. Given that I'd come home around 6pm, there was no big wonder that I was really tired. I stumbled into the kitchen and opened a bottle of bitter, only to get a little refreshment. But I had only taken one drag from the bottle when Steph came behind me, took the bottle away and told me that it was time for the second half of the bonus thing. Blimey, what a dynamo. I gave up and followed her into the bedroom where things turned into a rather indescribable mixture of acts. I slept late the next morning, or should I say afternoon, since I couldn't crawl out of bed until around 3pm. Steph sat in the kitchen and asked me if I'd liked my bonus. I would have been so full of s**t if I'd said no, so I told her that the next time she wanted to treat me like that, to give me a bit of a warning so I could save up some energy to cope with her. She laughed at that and sent me off to run the afternoon training session. What a woman, I wonder if she'll kill me with her boundless energy?!

A week later and we got to play at home again. The visitors for this match were the struggling Luton Town and, to be honest, nothing was on the cards for them to change their fortunes. Darren Potter, on loan from Liverpool, opened our scoring in the 9th minute with a vicious volley from 10 yards and then Ryan Garry added two more from penalties in the 19th and 31st minutes respectively. Rohan Ricketts added our fourth before halftime. Kenny Miller then rounded off our trouncing with a beautiful header from David Raven's near post cross. We had lost Paul Wotton to injury midweek and in this match Mark Kennedy got injured, when he got hit in the face accidentally in an aerial combat.

Next up was a trip up to Deepdale to entertain the Preston North End fans. The match turned out to be a huge entertainment for the neutrals, but neither us nor the home side would be in any mental state to talk about the match after it finished. PNE took the lead when Colin Cameron did one of the dumbest things one can imagine. With defenders moving up the pitch to set up the off side trap, he passed the ball behind them. Since none of them had a chance to catch up with Dave Nugent, Paul Jones came out of the goal to try to clear the ball, but failed to reach the ball in time, which resulted in a simple goal for Nugent, from 40 yards. Cameron made up for his mistake 9 minutes later, when he scored one of the most bizarre goals of the year and that's how it was at halftime. Bobby Zamora came on for Kenny Miller halfway through the second half and he scored two goals in quick succession, only for Preston to come back at us and even things up via Chris Sedgwick. Rohan Ricketts wrapped up the points for us in the 88th minute though, and my old ticky ticker could relax after the rather frantic final moments.

After the match I went on a long and rather harsh rant in the dressing rooms, because the goals we conceded were so easily avoided. The culprits held their hands up and admitted their mistakes and said they'd work on that side of things in training, which was good enough for me.

retired_aurie

Our next venture in football was our trip to Premiership relegation candidates Wigan Athletic, yes it was FA Cup night. Nobody could even begin to visualise the events of the match, especially not the press. Because they had predicted that Wigan were the clear favourites for the match. Little did they know that our lads had tasted blood in our previous match and wanted more. So a shock win of 5-0 to the Wolves wasn't exactly what we'd expected, let alone anyone else. Colin Cameron (2), Leon Clarke, Rohan Ricketts and Ioan Viorel Ganea scored our goals, four of which came in the first half. Our defensive frailties were also non-existent, so I was a very happy manager after the match and Steph got a good workout from yours truly when I finally came home from the JJB Stadium.

Next up was another away game, this time we had to take a trip to London. Our destination was Loftus Road, the home of QPR, who were languishing near the foot of the table, though not in the relegation zone at the time of the match. They started with obvious intent and Kevin Gallen put them one up in the 6th minute, much to my annoyance, but this was early in the game and I knew that our lads had the quality to put things right. Whether they'd actually pull it off was another matter entirely. Kenny Miller equalised for us in the 11th minute and added another in the 33rd minute, for us to take the lead. Then Colin Cameron decided that scoring was fun, so he promptly scored his 4th goal in 3 matches, much to the joy of the travelling fans. In the second half things were much more quiet, after the fireworks of the first half. Still Ganea came off the bench once again to score, but then he got injured three minutes later, so we decided to shut up shop and not risk getting caught on the break. 4-1 was well in tune with the match as a whole, so we went back home in quite a good mood.

Finally it was time to play at home. Molineux was nearly packed to the rafters as we entertained Hull City. As usual the Tigers proved to be a very hard team to break down and it wasn't until the 28th minute when we finally broke the ice, after much pressure had been going on. Paul Wotton despatched a penalty with his usual confidence and then we tried like mad to put the result beyond doubt, but it took us the rest of the first half and most of the second half to finally secure the three points. Carl Cort scored our second goal minutes from time and it was a very relieved manager who greeted the players in the dressing room after the match. This was our ninth win on the spin and we actually looked like real contenders for the Championship title.

Summary All matches Championship, unless otherwise stated
Wolves – Sheff Utd 2-1 (Miller, Ganea – Unsworth (pen))
Wolves – Luton 5-0 (Potter, Garry (2, both pens), Ricketts, Miller)
Preston – Wolves 3-4 (Nugent, Sedgwick (2) – Cameron, Zamora (2), Ricketts)
Wigan – Wolves 0-5 (Cameron (2), Clarke, Ricketts, Ganea)
QPR – Wolves 1-4 (Gallen – Miller (2), Cameron, Ganea)
Wolves – Hull 2-0 (Wotton (pen), Cort)

The Championship table at the end of February.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Wolves | | 36 | 24 | 5 | 7 | 73 | 35 | +38 | 77 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Southampton | | 36 | 24 | 5 | 7 | 66 | 29 | +37 | 77 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Crystal Palace | | 37 | 22 | 10 | 5 | 76 | 42 | +34 | 76 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Norwich | | 37 | 22 | 10 | 5 | 56 | 25 | +31 | 76 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Leeds | | 37 | 18 | 10 | 9 | 55 | 40 | +15 | 64 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Sheff Utd | | 37 | 18 | 8 | 11 | 44 | 36 | +8 | 62 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

retired_teju

I just started with this story axeman, and although I know you can't update all that often, it's top stuff and I look forward to much more. The soap opera stuff away from the football is hilarious.