retired_hamawandi

10.19pm

The Spanish goalkeeper Pindado sat down in a leather chair in the corner of the room. The chair was green in colour and quite small.

It was a chair for a posh Wendy-House and Pindado felt uncomfortable.

The Inspector paced the room, waggling his finger as he spoke.

His theory was that Pindado had been experimenting with fish poison. He suspected him because as mentioned above, he was found with a nibbled tin of sardines, that had puncture marks in the tails.

It stood to reason that he had been warming up for his deadly Fugu poison experiment by practicing his technique on the sardines, extracting fish juice with a syringe, hence the puncture marks.

The Inspector smiled wryly.

This was it. He had his man.

At that instant, the door flew open and a small balding man in a lab coat burst in waving a test tube.

It turned out that the conveniently quick wee-wee sample revealed high levels of Polyrolyholygoaly, the performance enhancing steroid for goalkeepers, which prevented eccentricity.

The Inspector had his theory shattered into little pieces by this revelation.

Pindado reluctantly explained the situation.

A rubbish goalkeeper for much of his life, aside from a small period in 2004 when he made a decent save from a corner kick, Pindado had often been accused of being rubbish due to his eccentricity. He had eventually decided to remove this negative element from his game by taking the banned substance.

He mistakenly believed that injecting a sardine with the steroid would mask it from detection, if he were to eat the fish in question, much in the same way a kebab helps to mask the smell of alcohol (but then makes you smell like a kebab).

How wrong Pindado was.

The Inspector shook his head annoyedly. Pindado wasn't a suspect, just a sad strange little man who was caught up in this mess as a result of a huge personal error.

He wouldn't take any action. He'd leave that to the manager.

Who to question now?

So far he ruled out

Carl Rook
Gabriel Batistuta (unless otherwise proven)
Pindado

He also questioned any involvement by Zak Whitbread and Edgaras Chesnauskis, who seemed too wrapped up in a personal feud to worry about Belgians.

This left Freddy Guarin and Enzo Scorza.

He summoned them into the Library next door.

retired_hamawandi

Oh the tension is building. It's like Cluedo, but more random!

retired_hamawandi

11.17pm

The Inspector stretched over and reached for his spectacles. When he found them, he put them on a shelf. He walked over to the shelf, leaned on it, before sitting back down in a comfortable chair.

Then he got up again, fetched his spectacles from the shelf and put them on.

The he sat down again, and peered at his two chief suspects.

Enzo Scorza and Guarin sat opposite him, sweatily clutching cups of tea.

He asked Scorza to relay his tale from start to finish...

retired_hamawandi

10.21pm

Enzo's Account

"I didn't fancy eating the croutons, as I felt that they soaked up the soup too much. It's more of a moral point. In Uruguay we don't have croutons, and as I'm on £95 a week I'm not going to pretend to be above my station.

I don't like Freddy... I don't like Belgians. I don't actually like anyone. The lads will testify to that. I'm a teenager, and everyone is my enemy. I'd much rather be sitting inside painting my walls black than interacting with others, especially Batistuta. The guy thinks he's my dad. Get out of here... he's way too young.

Freddy annoys me. I did say I was gonna get him, but I wouldn't kill him, and if you think I tried to frame him, or even just take out my anger on Belgians you're mistaken. Just because i listen to Metal doesn't make me a violently inclined person.

He came to my hotel each night in a bloody chicken suit trying to keep me awake. He knows I'm scared of chickens, and he's a mean person.
Last night he didn't come. I don't know why that is and I'm not going to accuse him speculatively of murder. There's something going on.

There's no way you can prove I murdered those Belgians. You need to ask Freddy about those fish bones in his Ribena tumbler.

I'm clean Inspector... It's true."

retired_hamawandi

10.44pm

Freddy's Account

"I only said I noticed he hadn't eaten his croutons because I don't like the guy. I didn't know that it was going to be something thrown back at me. I'm not a murderer or anything like that.

I don't know why my brandy disappeared and a tumbler of ribena appeared there instead...

At this point the Inspector told him they found fish bones in the tumbler, which made him a chief suspect.

...god no, really? honestly why would I have done something like that.

I have no idea why then, this happened. It seems totally bizarro to me.

With regards to my chicken suit, and Pindado is right to say it is mine. I left it in his room so that Enzo would think it was him playing practical jokes. Nothing more malicious than that.

I didn't bother going to his room last night to spook him. It's kind of embarrassing really. Do I have to talk about that?... Well... I was playing Scrabble with Batistuta. I was going to spook Enzo but I kept hitting the triple word scores. It was awesome. We didn't play in English though, so we played in our native languages. Did you know XXXQXXQQXXQQXX is Colombian for hello?

You think I was brewing up the fish poison don't you? Well I have an alibi. It's watertight. Some of the other players saw me too... I'm not a nerd.

I guess i'm not realy being questioned for being a nerd am I.

All I can say is it wasn't me. I didn't touch the Belgians. I have no real motive to do so."

retired_hamawandi

11.48pm

The Inspector sat down. He stood up again and sat down. This time his deputy occupied the chair.

He decided this was an inappropriate juncture to play musical chairs, and reprimanded his deputy for making such a suggestion.

He had dwelled on the case for an hour. He was sure who was the guilty party.

He knew the motive, which was to frame the other person for murder. The Belgians just happened to be a convenient target. It wasn't a crime against them, so to speak. They were the fallout of a war involving somebody else.

He knew the weapon. Poison. Simple as that.

He also knew that both suspects had told lies, but one of them had really put his foot in it. It was now obvious.

retired_hamawandi

12.01am

The Inspector smiled as the murderer sat before him. He outlined why he thought he was guilty.

Enzo Scorza looked distraught. He had been caught by a sharp, intelligent man, much to his bewilderment. Freddy was sure to take the rap!

The Inspector recognised that Enzo had borne the brunt of some serious teasing by Guarin, but said nothing warranted murder.

Enzo was alarmed to know that he made one crucial error. He told the Inspector he knew about the fish bones in the Ribena tumbler.

As the Inspector had purposefully not told anyone bar his detectives about the bones, this proved to be the unravelling of Enzo.

Enzo broke down and confessed.

He had left the croutons for sinister reasons. He then went to the kitchens to protest about receiving them and saw the fish Batistuta wasn't served. Recognising it as Fugu, he secreted it away, and hid it in a tumbler of Ribena, where the poison secreted out into the liquid. He then replaced it on the sideboard in exchange for Guarin's brandy, intending to kill him directly, but on his way back the lights went out.

Tripping over the three comatose Belgians, the Fugu poison entered their systems in minute but powerful amounts, obviously through their mouths. He didn't really know how.

They were unexpected collateral. This was a murder gone seriously wrong.

Enzo was distraught at being rumbled. He felt as if he would be found innocent.

The Inspector was also baffled. The Ribena had never actually been tested, as the fish bones had drawn more interested. This was his fault. He could have had this wrapped up hours ago.

With all the evidence before him and a taped confession, the Inspector cuffed Enzo Scorza and led him away through the house. The other players looked surprised as anything, no more so that Guarin, vindicated but soon to be shocked at how close he came to death.

The manager of the team sent everyone to their rooms. He also sent a member of the hotel staff out to remove Elton John from a nearby bush, where he had been slinking.

retired_hamawandi

Epilogue

Richard Rowe cancelled the friendly against Beveren in the aftermath of the murder and subsequent investigation.

Guarin was treated for shock, and was soon transferred away from the club. Batistuta retired soon after in shame at playing Scrabble. Pindado left for Mechelen immediately afterwards. All other players accused are still at the club.

Enzo Scorza is now star forward at Belmarsh Prison F.C. He has 26 years with no parole.

His lawyer claims he attempted to murder Guarin as a result of constant teasing, and deserves a second chance.

Strangeways Prison are currently weighing up a lucrative transfer bid, with wages speculated to be in the region of 4 chocolate digestive biscuits per week.

The Inspector, in his finest hour was roundly criticised for not analysing the Ribena. He now only drinks Sainsbury's home brand.

2 years later MK Dons reached the Championship and looked to have resolved all difficulties.


~Fin~

retired_noormanl

What a brilliant story, well done mate :thup:

retired_eneko5613

Well done, great story. :thup: