retired_hamawandi

Thanks guys! I think I've got it all worked out who the murderer is, and the motive and the method. Keep your eyes peeled.

retired_hamawandi

Suspect Report #3

Name: Pindado

Age: 30

Pindado was signed from Antwerp, a club he left in mysterious circumstances after snubbing a new contract consisting of payment in Belgian chocolate.

May thus harbour a grudge.

A large chicken suit was found in his bedroom. He says it belongs to Guarin.

Three small sardines partially nibbled were found in the pocket of his jeans. These sardines have puncture marks by the tails.

We are unable to process these in a laboratory as I accidentally hoovered them up.

Pindado has no recognised first name. This makes him 8% more likely to be a mysterious, yet enigmatic master criminal.

Signed, Inspector McGadget

retired_hamawandi

Suspect Report #4

Name: Carl Rook

Age: About 20. It doesn’t matter

Carl is the most inexperienced member of the squad, having been signed from non-league a few weeks earlier.

Carl doesn’t drink, yet was quite clearly off his face, unconscious on the floor.

Gabriel Batistuta doesn’t like Carl, as he fears he will lose his first team spot.

The last thing Carl remembers is that his brandy was yellow in colour.

This is debatable.

Carl has a phobia of mice and chickens.

He also confesses to have visited Belgium once, and thought it was ok. Ok, not good, or even great.

This appears to be perhaps a watertight motive. Or does it? But does it really? IT does, doesn’t it?

Signed, Inspector McGadget

retired_hamawandi

Suspect Report #5

Name: Edgaras Chesnauskis

Age: About 22 or so. Has a funny Eastern Bloc moustache.

Is a militant vegetarian. His father is the leader of the Communist Vegetable Party of Lithuania, a party that has made a solid gain in the last year of 1 seat in parliament. The problem being that it has gained 1 seat in parliament in Indonesia.

Doesn’t like Zak Whitbread.

He enjoys lab testing on mice, and holds a degree in Biology.

He was holding a cheese knife when the police arrived.

Has played for Lithuania 3 times. In his last game, he was sent off against Belgium.

Is quite small.

Edgaras admits his favourite drink is Ribena but is adamant he didn’t put any fish bones in the tumbler.

He confessed to stealing Guarin’s brandy. This is one mystery cleared up.

Signed, Inspector McGadget

retired_hamawandi

Suspect Report #6

Name: Zak Whitbread

Age: Young-ish

On loan from Liverpool. Has a lot to lose if he cannot convince Rowe he is worthy of a permanent move. His place in the team was currently being occupied by a young Belgian (deceased)

Doesn't like vegetarians. Has a vendetta against Chesnauskis for this reason. This is beginning to look like a feud which doesn't immediately concern the murders. This is a personal matter.

Is an American. This makes him 94% more likely to launch an attack without any warning. Is currently high on suspect list.

As mentioned before, was seen doing a wee in the flowerpot.

Carl Rook remembers his Brandy being yellow.

It is possible he was doing a wee in a hidden brandy glass.

Zak Whitbread is thus Chief Suspect

Signed, Inspector McGadget

retired_hamawandi

Suspect Report #7

Name: Enzo Scorza

Age: 18

Wants to kill Freddy Guarin, which puts him on suspect list. There may have been some anger which was misplaced.

Claims not to know where Belgium is. Thinks Hanging Gardens of Babylon are somewhere near Brussels.

He seems more and more likely to be innocent.

Doesn’t like fish at all.

Claims that each night Freddy Guarin comes to his room in a Chicken Suit making ghost noises. Last night Freddy didn't.

Signed, Inspector McGadget

retired_hamawandi

9.45pm

The Inspector ruffled through his suspect lists and sat down, facing the players in question.

His deputy whispered in his ear and handed him a typed report.

He read it silently and put it down when finished. He nervously swigged a pint of whisky and told the players the news.

The mouse found behind the curtains had died as a result of a massive heart attack brought on by an overdose of Calpol, the purple cough medicine for Children.

Zak Whitbread stepped up and said that yes, he had poisoned the mouse the night before. He was planning to put a drugged mouse in the food of Chesnauskis but decided against it.

The Inspector accused Whitbread of being capable of evil such as murder.

Whitbread began to cry.

Chesnauskis leapt up from the sofa and punched Whitbread on the nose.

The Inspector noted this loss of temper.

As the Inspector got up to leave the room to consider this further evidence a report marked ‘Top Secret’ was foisted into his hands.

He read it.

The Inspector smiled.

He knew that someone was definitely innocent.

But who?

retired_hamawandi

9.50pm

He smiled enigmatically and paced the room. His eyes settled on Carl Rook, who had awoken.

He asked Carl how many fingers he was holding up.

Carl guessed correctly. Carl Rook was NOT drunk.

The Inspector explained the theory...

A small amount of mouse poop was found on the floor by Carl's foot, deposited there by a mouse.... the very mouse found dead behind the curtain, all scabby and grotesque looking.

It appeared that his phobia had gotten the better of him, and he had fainted, but not before the mouse left evidence of his passing by.

Carl was not poisoned by wee-wee in a brandy glass. The explanation was that scientific tests had proved it to be Lemon Juice. After all, why would a teetotaller be drinking?

Carl Rook was therefore innocent, a victim of a phobia.

It also proved one other thing. Zak Whitbread had NOT tinkled in Carl's brandy glass when he was caught urinating into a potted plant...

But he was doing something...

What something?

Hmmmmm

Scratchy chin time.

retired_hamawandi

9.59pm

Gabriel Batistuta sat in a chair opposite the Inspector, who paced the room, puffing determinedly on a pipe. He put the pipe down, and a maintenance man re-attached it to the guttering.

The Inspector wanted to ask Gabriel Batistuta something based on some new evidence that had come to light.

The three Belgians had died from poison forcibly imposed on them by a dirty handkerchief, which presumably will have then been attached to a hand.

The Inspector was holding a bottle marked 'Poisson' that was found at the scene. After consulting his Junior Frenchman Dictionary 1966 he found that it was not a spelling error, but French for 'Fish'.

Based on the evidence, it was highly probable that Gabriel Batistuta, having eaten all his fish course including the bones had somehow concocted a poison.

How do you poison someone with some fish?

Well, you can if that fish is the deadly Japanese delicacy Fugu. If not prepared properly this fish could be lethal.

The Inspector now knew the cause of death, and his only lead was the fact Gabriel Batistuta had finished his fish course.

Gabriel Batistuta then told the Inspector that the reason it looked as if he had finished his fish course, was that he had eaten no fish in the first place.

Shock!

This was confirmed by the head chef, a Falklands veteran who elected not to serve Batistuta anything whatsoever.

He was a hungry man.

The Inspector dismissed him and demanded he be allowed to eat.

Batistuta had certainly not created the Fugu poison, but he kept his options open as to whether he, in cahoots with another player had actually done the deed. It was possible.

Plus he remembered Batistuta didn't actually like Belgians.

The Inspector was just about to have another go at the pipe when, as he leaned out of the window to rip it off the wall he noticed a medium sized fish hidden in the bushes badly, as if it had simply been dropped.

He knew who he wanted to question now.

Emm

I've got it. The dirty Argie did it, with the fish, in the lounge !