Simon the snail

Hi Tom,
Yes there is lots more to come (I'm 6 seasons ahead at the moment!!!). I plan to put up another season summary tomorrow evening (june 23rd). Sorry I haven't posted for a while - I've been quite busy.

p.s I'm really pleased someone is reading this and enjoying it! - thanks!!!

tom q

no problem! its great! shame about the sacking though! I like the way u've writen it. well ill check again tommorrow for the update hopefully

Simon the snail

Season summary - 10/11
Fans are unsure about how optimistic they should be this season. They finally seem to have a decent manager and this is his first full season in charge. Some believe that with some key pre season signings they could be in the playoffs, others think this a long term rebuilding job. All agree however, that the manager must keep the likes of Ryan Hall and Lewis Grabban - 2 up and coming young English stars, and keep the same 442 formation which gave some fantastic displays during the second half of the season.
The chairman is optimistically gloomy with his pre season report;
'i am extremely glad that the manager saw us safely through the second half of last season. I am also very hopeful that we will be able to build on the success we had last season - and we will try to give the manager every possible opportunity to build on it...except of course the finances. We are slowly breaking even and I predict that within one or two seasons we may finally be out of the red, but sadly, this season, if the manager wishes to buy players he will have to sell them first.' We all have full confidence in the manager and team and are 100% sure he will continue to lead us in the right direction.'

The Stoke manager goes into the first game of the season against Cardiff with 7 new faces.

These are young striker Dean Bowditch, bought on a bosman from Middlesbrough, very promising goalkeeper David Button from Wigan, Veteran DRC Pablo Mills is brought back to England for 100k after spending a season in St Mirren. Also Welsh DLC Lewin Nyatanga is brought in for 140k, which is the same amount of money handed over to Leicster for Italian DM Nicola Beati (yes, another DM!). Simon Williams, "The next Paul Robinson" is bought for 350k from S****horpe, and to complete the summer signings, a familiar name is taken on loan. Out of favour at Bristol City, Tim Sparv rejoins his old manager for a season in the championship.
How did he manage those signings with no transfer budget? the fans ask each other. Then the news comes through - he has made 2.4m through the sale of two first team players...they are young, English and just making their debuts for Norwich city and Luton town...they are Ryan Hall and Lewis Grabban. Fans begin to show their dissaproval in a less than quiet way, and very soon the protest banners are dusted off and flying once again.

In the press conference before the match, the Stoke manager is asked about his strange activity in the transfer market,
REPORTER: 'why did you sell your most promising players?'
BOSS: 'they wanted to go and I got a fair price for them'
REPORTER: ' but they were surely indispensible to the club?'
BOSS: 'um...obviously they were not'
REPORTER: ' you've now got no left winger, who do you have in mind to fill this position?'
BOSS: 'I don't'
REPORTER: 'you mean you will play someone out of position?'
BOSS: 'no, I won't play a left winger'
REPORTER: 'but how can it be 442 without a left winger?'
BOSS: 'it won't'

Shock number 2 for the fans. The stoke team emerge from the tunnel and there seems to be a lack of wingers and a slight excess of DM's. In fact the formation is 4-3-0-1-2. 'How defensive!!', the crowd scream, 'We're never gonna score any goals!!'...cue Stoke city 4, Cardiff city 4.
An interesting start to the manager's first full season in charge of Stoke. Unfortuanetly it all quietens down after that and some could say that the rest of the season was rather dull.

With a couple of escapades into the playoff places, stoke eventually lost one too many games and settled down to finish the season in eighth place. The manager spent an extra 1.4m in January on 3 players, czech youngster Josef Broz (DL) seemed to have a bright future ahead of him- he was bought for 90k and immediately loaned out to numerous league one sides. 700k was spent on Racing's super Peruvian, Pablo Ore, who, ironically turned out to be a better left winger than striker, which was the position he was bought for. The third and final transfer was of Simon Watson, a young just-turned-seventeen year old who had impressed greatly for Norwich city, scoring 5 goals in the 11 games he had played for. In his wisdom, the Stoke manager snapped him up immediately, payimg out a whopping 675k in compensation. When asked by a reporter about this signing, he replied 'believe me, it'll be worth it'...ominous...and putting a lot of pressure on the shoulders of the kid. However, he performed okay for Stoke, showing off his blistering pace in his debut (a 3-0 victory against Wolves in january, which sparked a 4 game winning run for stoke), and scoring 4 goals in 14 appearances.
There was no way that he was going to break up this new strike partnership though, Paul Gallacher again shows his class, scoring 14 goals and setting up 12 with an avr of 7.26, and his new strike partner, young Dean Bowditch scores 12 gls and gets 10 assists. all three Dm's kept their place throughout the season, Tim Sparv, Nicola Beati, and Stoke favourite Tom Daemen all finished the season with avr 7.2-7.33.

pos 8th w22 d8 l16 for70 ag51 pts 74

The chairmans end of season statement was a positive one: ' We are very happy withh the consistency of performances this season and are pleased that the manager has achieved a very respectable top half finish. We expect to see a continued improvement next year which will be possible because I am extremely pleased to announce that due to a new sponsorship deal, amongst other things, our finances are now no longer a worry - there will be some funds available for transfers next season.'
He actually gave this statement outside the Brittania Stadium, with no holiday scheduled until all the important paperwork is out of sight.

In other news, man utd won the premiership, followed by Liverpool and then by Arsenal in 3rd. The champions league was won by Inter, beating Real Madrid 2-1.
The top scorer in the championship was Collins John, scoring 58 (fifty eight!!!) league goals, and in doing so, helping his team Fulham into 3rd spot and subsequent playoff success. Seeing Fulham only scored 74 league goals, they were unable to hang onto him and he left for Mallorca for a bargain 4.8m.
Oh yes, and Bristol city finished rock bottom of the premiership...shame. Although surprisingly McCarthy kept his job. There have been tabloid reports that the Stoke manager has been spotted in betting shop, allegedly putting cash on a 5-0 stoke victory vs Bristol City next season...but that is for next season.

Simon the snail

not sure why there are stars by s****horpe...oh well.

Simon the snail

oh yes, I see now.

tom q

good stuff! haha keep it coming if you can

Simon the snail

Season Summary 2011/2012
With big performances and 'continued improvement' expected from Stoke city and their manager this season, the last thing he wanted was to be questioned by the authorities about allegedly placing certain bets on his team. The investigations continued 6 games into the season until, after a run of 5 games without a victory (including an embarrassing 1-0 defeat to Bristol City), they were eventually convinced that there was no match fixing going on and that the betting 'scandal' was just a tabloid story.
With such a disrupted beginning to the season, the manager was only able to bring three new faces to the club. The first signing was 500k well spent on Sunderland's very impressive centre back cum midfielder - Asa Hall. The next two bosman signings signalled the manager’s intent this season and saw the Stoke supporters officially burning their old, dusty protest banners. David Beckham, ex England captain, was persuaded to leave Everton and step down a division and end his career for Stoke city as player coach. Another England legend quickly followed. This time it was veteran rock Sol Campbell, arriving to install much needed experience into the back line, which previously had an average age of 21.
Of course these high status players arrivals meant that other players were unable to stay, and the manager, with a new 4-1-2-1-2 formation in mind said goodbye to four of last years first-teamers. Anthony Le Tallec was unable to fulfil any of his promise and after one too many arguments in training, he was sold for 250k. Lewin Nyatanga and Pablo Mills went for 50k each - Mills because he was too old and Nyatanga because Josef Broz made huge leaps in the reserves last year and is widely expected to start as first choice left back this year. One other player left Stoke during the pre season - Kenny Lunt, one of the fans favourites-he couldn't agree to a new deal and left the club after a ridiculous number of years.
With things looking dodgy after 6 games and the memory of a previous sacking still raw, the manager needs to get some results fast. The fans were beginning to raise funds for new, bigger than ever, protest banners which meant that the next game against Leicester was going to be a much more important game that anyone would have thought at the beginning of the season. But, like all the tests that this team has been entered into, they passed. A 2-0 victory was enough to appease the fans, and this new counter attacking style was kept on.

The team hit some decent form after this and, although they were too far behind the top two to threaten, Stoke soon established themselves as definite playoff chasers. The manager even allowed the players two exciting cup runs...
In the league cup 1st round Stoke convincingly overcame Carlisle 3-1, and Bury by the same score in the 2nd. It was in these games that young striker Simon Watson began to turn himself into a starter rather than a super sub, but with Bowditch and Francisco Javier Lopez performing so well during the early season, (Gallachers form dipped this year...a lot) he would have to show something extra special to take one of their shirts. In the 3rd round, Stoke played their first top flight side in Bolton. Fans expected Stoke to sit tight and hopefully score from a Beckham set piece - but, as per usual, the manager did the complete opposite and they eventually ran out 4-3 winners in a thrilling match.
So when, in the 4th round Stoke met Premiership side Southampton, they were unafraid and extremely confident. Stoke won 3-0 and marched on to the Quarter finals where they met last years playoff winners Fulham, minus Collins John, of course. This being the worst team the Stoke side had faced in three rounds, they let their confidence get the better of them and ended up losing 3-2...but there was still the FA cup!! After a 4-2 3rd round win against rivals Crewe, and a 1-1 draw then 1-0 replay victory against Luton, the Stoke players found themselves running out of the tunnel with the famous hymn 'you'll never walk alone' ringing in their ears. Yes, they had drawn premiership runners up in the fifth round. The players again managed to rise to the big occasion and played fantastically for 35 minutes until a moment of magic saw them troop into the dressing room one behind. In the second half, Liverpool looked like the championship team, and eventually, in the 80th minute a penalty was awarded to Stoke. 'With Beckham on the pitch, this should be a certain goal', the fans tell each other, their mouths full of fingernails...but, what's this? He's handed the ball to Nicola Beati, a man who has only scored 1 goal for his club!! Up he steps...and scores!!! What was all the fuss about? It seems that the manager wasn't actually present for the goal - he had gone to the toilet. Unfortunately the players couldn't repeat the performance in the replay and succumbed to a 1-0 loss in the replay to end their second and last cup run of the season.

However, it wasn't long until the playoffs and potential premiership football next season. With stoke established in 3rd place the manager was able to begin early preparations for whoever they may meet in the first playoff game. It happened to be Sheffield united, and Stoke happened to thrash them 5-0, with a Bowditch hatrick and 1st teamer Simon Watson bagging 1. The fifth goal was an own goal by jagielka a made sure that there was no way back into the tie for united. Resting key players in the second leg, Stoke lost 3-2, with Simon Watson amongst the scorers yet again. They were off to Wembley!!

Blackburn were the opponents and there was a nervous buzz around the ground as the players took their positions for the first half. One half of the stadium was in seventh heaven after 45 seconds saw their team take the lead. Some poor defending by Stoke let Miller in to allow his team to put one foot in the premiership.

As it turned out, 1 goal was all they needed, as they put everyone behind the ball and Stoke were unable to break them down for the whole 90 mins.

The chairman was not so downhearted, however, in his end of season report: 'I am extremely proud of the staff and players, who have performed exceptionally well all season, and only narrowly missing out on a fantastic reward for their efforts. I wish for more of the same next year and expect that with the experience that this year brought everyone at the club, we can strive to bring premiership football to the Brittania stadium in two seasons time, without the need for the lottery of the play-offs’’.' Bang. There you go Mr Manager, a huge choice -1st?..or 2nd? No pressure. Good luck.

The first team
GK David Button
DR Danny Butterfield
DC Asa Hall
DC Sol Campbell
Dl Josef Broz - pld36 assists12 avr7.44
Dm Nicola Beati - avr7.47
MC Pablo Ore - pld39 Gls7 Ast12 avr7.31
MC David Beckham - Pld51 Ast17 avr7.44
AMC Christoffer Karlsson- p48 Gls17 Ast9 avr7.40
FC Dean Bowditch - pld36 Gls18 ast8 avr7.42
FC F J Lopez - pld39 Gls18 Ast 8 avr7.23
or FC Simon Watson - pld 16(22) Gls 14 Asts13

League Position
Pos 3rd W23 D8 L15 F100 A63 Pts77

Bristol City finished 10th, and Stoke beat them 4-0 in the second meeting between the two teams.

The premiership winners were Arsenal, Liverpool were second again and Man U finished 3rd.

Euro 2012 saw England attempt to retain their title. They fell short at the final hurdle, losing 2-1 to Holland in the final.

Again there was no English finalist in the champions’ league. Roma beat Werder Bremen on pens after a 1-1 draw.

With major pressure on his shoulders, and a team who are favourites for the title, can the Manager fulfil the board expectations, win the title, and keep his job?

Simon the snail

Thanks very much Kakbag, I hope to continue updating it every 3 or 4 days.

tom q

brilliant mate well done, ill look out for this story

matteo52

Great story mate. Stick with it :thup: