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Frederick de Ville grew up in the city of Paris, in the affluent area of Sorbonne to his mother Fou-Fou Chienne and his father Wee Jock Pooh Pong McPlop, a bilingual toilet cleaner from Aberdeen ( c/o Blackadder). Jock changed his name when he arrived in the early 60s to try and fit in with his more bourgeois neighbours and avoid the snooty comments of the elite whereupon he soon met Fou-Fou whilst cleaning out the female lavatories of the nearby university. Fou-Fou, a lecturer in medieval history, had been suffering from explosive diarrhea which accounted for her frequent trips to the toilets and Jock had at the 6th visit provided her with his own brand of special medication which helped soothed her cravings immensely for which she thanked him and accepted out of politeness an invite for an evening drink. Wee Jock, for the first time since his move from his native Scotland, smiled broadly as he swept up the lady’s messy discharge.
The drink and subsequent drinks thereafter led to further soirees on the streets of Paris and overtime a marriage and un enfant terrible ensued. Frederick as a child was an angry bastard, borne largely from the tales told from his parents, the Scot whose tales of English oppression from the middle age warfare and the legends of Wallace and Bruce to the modern age consumerism, and the French lecturer’s views on the relations betwixt the nations and their various renowned conflicts, from the over mentioned Agincourt, to the burning of Joan of Arc to the Hundred Years war, the takeovers, the conquests, the victories, the defeats and so forth, right up even until the Napoleonic era, created a combative spirit within the Franco-Scot, and he was often in trouble at his schools for his aggressive attitudes to anyone who was either remotely related to an Englander – such as the battering imparted upon Jacques Dupont, whose mother was born on the heretic isle, to assaulting a teacher for promoting the English contribution to world literature – complete merde according to Fred.
On his second expulsion he was encouraged mainly by his parents to harness his anger far more effectively if he was to achieve in life, and not get dragged into the city slums, and given that sport seemed to offer to him a productive outlet for his rage, it was unsurprisingly a route he took up with vigour and commitment. As a player he was more renowned amongst the tabloids as something of a psycho, notching up a record 21 red cards and over 200 yellow cards in a 15 year career at an assortment of lower league clubs – his peak being a member of the Caen side who reached the French Cup final in 1999.
When he hung up his boots his attention turned to management, and proved a success with his man management and motivational skills in France and when the opportunity first came up at a desperate English First Division club, his eyes glittered with glee at the prospect of wreaking some form of havoc on the worlds biggest traitors and sc*mbags. The objectives were simple – sell the heretic descendants and restore glory through his parent’s heritage and ancestry. French and Scots were the order of the day on a fixed menu. He’d prove to the locals what a real team consisted of, the superior strength and heart of his team would prove themselves conquerors of the isle that Scotland were so unfortunate to be a part of.
The first weeks were enormously difficult for Frederick in his plan, as although selling all the traitors and illegal law breaking asylum seekers was easy enough, replacing them was quite another. A friendly at Notts County was considered a write off as there were only 4 eligible players for the match, with the rest of the squad filled up with players still seeking a move away, well not exactly seeking, more realising they had no future at Portsmouth for being either far too English Croatian or Australian for the gaffers liking.
By the time the season proper kicked off Frederick had a massive 13 players available for selection, but French midfielder Uliano Courville injured himself on the training pitch sidelining himself for 3 very unhelpful months.
<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * Portsmouth - Saturday 11th August 2001********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2001/2 Transfers========================================= ================================================== =====Date Player In From Fee-----------------------------------------------------------------------21.7.01 Billy McKinlay Free Transfer Free 22.7.01 Fabien Bossy Clydebank £200K 22.7.01 Ian McCaldon Oxford £625K 22.7.01 Callum Davidson Leicester £1.8M 24.7.01 Alec Cleland Everton £700K 24.7.01 Alex Neil Barnsley Loan 25.7.01 Lionel Perez Cambridge Utd £240K 26.7.01 Simon Donnelly Sheff Wed £1.8M 31.7.01 Bruno N'Gotty Marseille £375K Date Player Out To Fee-----------------------------------------------------------------------14.7.01 Tom White Released Free 16.7.01 Thomas Thorgersen Notts Co £140K 16.7.01 Jason Crowe Rushden £75K 16.7.01 Gary O'Neil Wolves £300K 16.7.01 Courtney Pitt Aldershot £100K 17.7.01 Neil Barrett Bournemouth £45K 17.7.01 Dave Beasant Colchester £22K 17.7.01 Ceri Hughes Millwall £850K 17.7.01 Lewis Buxton Sheff Utd £10K 18.7.01 Luke Nightingale Bristol Rovers £16K 18.7.01 Rory Allen Worcester City £350K 19.7.01 Tommy Curtis Stoke £210K 19.7.01 Rowan Vine Stockport £120K 19.7.01 Robert Prosinecki Sevilla £1.2M 19.7.01 Stefani Miglioranzi Tranmere £120K 19.7.01 Shaun Derry Walsall £400K 21.7.01 Linvoy Primus Rotherham £425K 24.7.01 Nigel Quashie Birmingham £500K 1.8.01 Lee Mills Rushden £190K 3.8.01 Jamie Vincent Stockport £600K 4.8.01 Alessandro Zamperini PSV £650K </pre>
The Locality
Fred had of course been made all too aware of the historic heritage located in his new surroundings, and he made frequent scouting expeditions to inspect all that balderdash down the docks, and with a glint in his eye, he looked menacingly at the sight of the Mary Rose, and the HMS Victory – he had plans for them, oh yes, he had plans.
Despite a massive streamlining of the squad in July, Frederick was still ignorantly optimistic going into the season proper with just 13 players, even with half injured Callum Davidson starting the season opener with Walsall . Herivelto ended up scoring the match winner as de Ville got to grips with the task at hand. Although he had plenty of other English spares available to him if required he refused to consider their worth as members and desperately looked to raise more funds for purchases.
Losing out to Preston in the race to sign Lee Wilkie early on was a blow, but with the sale of lanky Peter Crouch to Cardiff, the extra funds helped revitalize the much desired transfer of versatile Leeds defender Dominic Matteo who offered options across the backline.
Going straight into the line up at Crewe he made an instant impact scoring Fred’s first goal from the left wing to provide initial hope of registering points early on in the season, but two second half goals and a weak midfield helped hand Crewe the win they deserved. It pained Fred to admit it, but his side were still dangerously weak all over the park – they still couldn’t fill up the bench list.
In light of such emergencies, he took it upon himself to hijack a half refurbished Mary Rose ship complete with bewildered crew and an overbearing American tourist, demanding if this trip cost extra. It didn't, although he did become first civilian casualty of Fred's reign after being 'accidentally' thrown overboard tied to a breeze block. With it, he began a preliminary scouting recce of the French shores, and even headed up to Scotland via the Irish Sea to check out a few potential targets before returning said evil historical artefact in sturdy enough condition back at harbour. Mercifully the police were just far too gobsmacked to press any charges. Whatsmore, the journey had been productive as the miniature squad soon swelled a touch.
The loan signing of Scot Steven McLean early on combined with the arrival of unknown random David Duke even allowed to fill up the entire roster for the trip to Wigan in the league cup where once more an early goal offered hope only for it to be doused by a more disciplined hosts side as Mark Burchills goal was the only highlight in a game where right back Alec Cleland also picked up an injury.
A tough debut month continued poorly at home to Coventry at Easter weekend where another 2-1 result went the way of the opponents. Despite having equalized – albeit through a Roland Nilsson own goal – the team’s developing skills still weren’t good enough to hold out the full 90, conceding a mere few minutes from stoppage time, much to the anger of the board.
The final match away to early high flyers Watford took the pish royally as another 2-1 result AGAIN went not in Portsmouth’s favour as the hosts took a commanding 2 goal lead before on loan midfielder Alex Neil scored a consolation goal late on as the side were kept glued to the bottom of the table pointless and seemingly hopeless. Fred’s reign had not had the best of starts.
A new month and a new formation, and what a shock! Fred installed a kamikaze like ‘sod-it-just-go-for-it-we-might-as-well-anyway’ mentality into the side and it earned instant rewards with a stunning 5-1 home victory against Nottingham Forest with Steven MacLean scoring twice, and Alex Neil, Garry Brady and Alec Cleland each contributing to the first win of the season.
On the back of that welcome victory, de Ville hijacked a nearby ferry and went on a recruitment drive to bring in a few more Frenchies, but bizarrely found himself most productive in Scotland funnily enough, adding Hibs Frank Sauzee to the squad, whilst Olivier Pickeau was found wandering the streets of Caen, jobless and hungry, and when offered a years free supply of burgers at MacDonalds, signed on quickly and promptly settled into life as a reserve player for as long as Fred deemed it.
Both were in the squad for the trip to fellow strugglers Stockport , but it was Steve MacLean flying the Scots flag high as he opened up for Portsmouth, but despite having a few chances to add to that lead, the weakness’ in the side saw the points shared with a late leveler from Petri Hellin.
With fervent scouting a major feature of Fred’s life in the formative stages of this Portsmouth side, there was little time to consider many amendments to the team for the hosting of Sheffield Wednesday . An early Simon Donnelly goal against his old club set the team on their way and a second from stand in left winger Matteo put the home side in a strong position. A late Efan Ekoku goal gave false hope to the visitors as another vital win was secured to push Pompey back into mid table obscurity.
Hopes of maintaining the good run were quashed at Norwegian side Wimbledon where a horrific performance handed the Dons a 2-0 win. Ian MacKaldon in goal had a shocker whilst the strike force were as potent as a 60 year old Pele. Wagging fingers amongst the crowd and the other trainers didn’t dissuade Fred however, who simply drew on his fervent anti English vitriol to greater effect, including bringing in both his parents in to lecture players in a training session, one which sadly saw defender Bruno N’Gotty suffered bruise ankles after a tough challenge.
The kick up the arse brought about a well earned home point with West Brom as the side fought back against a clearly more talented side to rescue a point through forward Simon Donnelly, with scot Ian MaCaldon putting up a typically stoical display in goal, rarely letting the attackers have a peek.
With this attitude in mind a side with three half injured players’ on the bench traveled to the midlands to face a Birmingham side who had equally began the season poorly. A typical battling performance was rewarded with a strke by Matteo shortly before half time, and a win certainly appeared a strong possibility as the team defended well in the second half, even with Donnelly and Davison struggling with injuries, but irritatingly they were to be denied by an 84th minute strike from Martin O’Connor ruined the mood for Fred that particular afternoon, also ending the side’s competitive action for the month.
The 3rd month of the season didn’t see a great deal of transfer activity for Fred as he struggled to find suitable candidates interested in joining. Despite a passionate plea, neither Zidane or Vieira could be persuaded to join the club, and instead he kept up negotiations for 20 year old striker Baha from Portuguese side Naval.
With the size of the squad still small it was with regret they went into the home match with Rotherham playing Fabien Bossy in defence, with the Frenchman still struggling with a thigh strain and he was ordered to keep his movements to a minimum. Once Steven McLean opened the scoring from an Alex Neil cross though in the 24th minute it was mercifully one way traffic, and, having decided to risk playing full back David Duke in place of Bossy in the final quarter, Fred was rewarded when former Hibs defenseman Franck Sauzee first nodded in a crucial second goal, and then played the important pass through to Billy McKinlay minutes later to complete a much needed emphatic 3-0 win.
The board were rather more chuffed, and Fred knew he was turning the tide in terms of support after an atrocious start had had the fans calling for his head almost immediately. Typically though any bit of good news had to be followed by more frustration as although, Fabien Bossy got over his thigh strain, key midfielder Billy McKinlay broke down with a troublesome calf strain and would take an initial two weeks right off to ensure the tenderness didn’t develop into anything more serious.
The week also saw mutterings from midfielder Garry Brady about the side’s early start, and Fred had to remind him that the season was 46 matches long and not 11, and encouraged him to pull his weight in the side. It was a boost that clearly worked as Brady scored both goals in an excellent home win against Gillingham , helped by the first goal breaking the season’s record for fastest goal scored, taking just 14 seconds to find the back of the net. Olivier Pickeau though, in picking up an injury typically ensured no one event could go entirely smoothly.
Despite the good form, even the local media decided to have a pop, with Franck Sauzee the Frenchman their target, only serving to enrage Fred further, as he promptly set about banning all local press publications from communications with the players, club and press conferences, before writing a few rather menacing letters to the home address of the miscreant journalist in question. It was a move which did at least help find further support amongst the still skeptical fans and chairman.
The siege mentality that Frederick de Ville decided to foster within the squad was proving a success on the pitch and off it, was helping to ferment strong relations between the franco-celtic players. The midweek tie away to Bradford City proved a further example of this, as the team worked so hard to come away with a splendid win as Portsmouth breached the top half of the table for the first time of the season. Steven McLean continued his good form to open the scoring, before Lee Makel replied swiftly. As the game swung to and fro in a very open half, it was McLean’s second, from an Alex Neil cross which helped turn it positively in Portsmouths favour, and the addition of a third soon after half time when Fabien Bossy demonstrated his full fitness to volley in at the backpost following another Alex Neil corner. Given the lack of legs within the side the latter stages of the match did prove tough and the hosts ensured a nervy finish with a late strike, but the side held out for a 3-2 win, and kept up the upturn in fortunes that Fred demanded.
Play Up Pompei! (AAC) 
cheers though
Best of luck turning fortunes around.
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