retired_teju

The final rehearsal was against Norwich and I took the opportunity to give give Danny Hollands a run out.

It was a dreadful first half, then after making a few changes, we went behind on 64 minutes. There was no comeback. It wasn't a great performance by the lads but what can you do? I'm not going to read the riot act in pre-season.

So that was it. There was nothing left to do but wait the four days till the season started. We trained hard, and I was pleased to see the lads looked well focused.

Doncaster provided the first opposition away from home, and I picked the following side: Pedersen Perch Padula Breckin Morgan Evans Bopp Beaumont Blackstock Tyson Commons

We looked sharp from the off, and after a pinpoint Commons pass, Tyson fired in from the left edge of the 6 yard box. From there we absorbed some pressure, then Beaumont picked up possession on halfway, before lashing a fierce shot from 30 yards that the keeper couldn't keep out. The commentators at the ground were moved to remark that "the fans love him already".

I went defensive/counter attack, wanting the win badly, and told the lads at half time not to let it slip. I needn't have worried. The guys did a very professional job, bossing possession and outshooting them 12-5. Wanting to boost the lads confidence, I tell them they were sensational.

Doncaster 0-2 Forest ATT: 6464

With just 4 days till our next fixture, I was keen to keep the momentum going. Bournemouth at home didn't look a terrifying proposition, yet I was all too aware of complacency.

Commons had picked up an injury, to be replaced by young Felix Bastians, whom Frank rather unedifyingly described to me as "rubbish". I wasn't so sure, and in any case there were no other options apart from the 17 year old German.
Three minutes in, Tyson produced some good work on the left, crossing to Beaumont. His header was saved, but Bopp was on hand to fire in the rebound. It was lively from then on in till half time.

Again I told the lads to keep it going. On the hour we went def/counter again. I was determined to win our home opener at any cost.

A few chances went begging until a great counter attack 14 minutes from time gave us some comfort. Gardener and Holt combined to send Blackstock through, and the youngster provided a clinical finish. Shortly before the end, Grant Holt turned from provider to scorer, clinically shooting in from the angle 8 yards out, after being slipped in by Bastians. Once again I don't hesitate to tell the lads they were sensational.

Forest 3-0 Bournemouth ATT: 17664

Breckin was Man of the Match, while Bastians impressed on debut, no doubt much to Frank's chagrin.

After the game, I was called out from the dressing room for an interview with BBC Nottingham, and got a bit of a surprise.
The interviewer turned out to be the same very attractive girl who had interviewed me outside the ground about those ridiculous massage parlour allegations. I had been in such a foul mood then that I hadn't given her a proper look over. She was quite the sight for sore eyes.

She was wearing a much shorter skirt than before, and certainly had the legs for it. She was well proportioned in every sense, and with a lovely face. Sexy but also marriage material. What was I thinking of?! I already had a girlfriend, and a sensational one at that! What a total and utter swamp creature I was.

"Hello Regan," she began. "I'm Kelly Taylor from BBC Nottingham. Just a quick interview if you've got the time. You might remember we met once before, under less happy circumstances."
"No I don't think I'll forget that one," I laughed. "Not every day I get accused of that, or interviewed about it by a beautiful girl." What a slimey f***er I was?!
She seemed both affronted and flattered by that comment. Affronted as a journalist, flattered as a woman. We chatted a little more as the technician and cameraman farted about getting ready to roll. Then we were underway.

"So a great start as manager Regan. Not even you in your pundit's chair at the BBC could criticise the first two performances."
"Now don't be cheeky Kelly," I flirted. "Yes, I'm extremely satisfied. I've demanded high standards from the lads, and by God they've answered the bell. Let's not get too carried away. But I'm very pleased with the effort. I challenged the lads to convince me we didn't need new signings, and so far the response has been emphatic."
"The style of the victories seems to have impressed everybody as well, hasn't it?"
"That's what we want. This club must play attractive football, it's what we've always been about. Cloughie set the standard, and him and his footballing philosophy are what attracted people to this club as supporters, including myself. I'll never change the traditional passing style of the club. It won two European cups, so it's just a matter of finding the right players to be successful again."
"Easy job this football management lark, isn't it?"
"Oh no!" I laughed. "I've been round the block too many times to fall into that trap. There's 40-odd games left in the league, and there's no way they're all going to be this easy. But we'll take what we've got so far, any day of the week."
"Thanks for your time."
"You're very welcome."
We chatted again after the interview wrapped up, and I was startled by the next question she asked.
"Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"
Now I reckoned I was fairly decent with the ladies, but this was slightly out of the ordinary.
"Umm. What for?" I floundered.
"To eat something. What do people normally go out to dinner for?"
"You're an interesting sort aren't you? Why would you want to go out to dinner with me. Really?"
"I do it a lot with local people in sport. I like to get to know the people I'll be interviewing a little bit better."
"Oh. Well I..."
"BBC Nottingham's paying," she smiled.
"That's good enough for me," I laughed.
"Ciro's" was the name of the Italian restaurant we went to that night. It was open till 2am or something, and I managed to get there by 10, just before she did. I apologised for arriving in the same suit that I was wearing at the match. She said not to worry, at least it was an Armani. For her part, she had found the time to get changed, and was looking quite delicious in a black dress that showed off all her main selling points, of which there were many.
We got down to it, so to speak, talking about the local sports scene, and our respective places within it. I didn't let too much slip. I was still smarting from those lurid tabloid headlines, and had no inclination whatsoever to confide anything juicy in a journalist, no matter how juicy the journalist.
I cynically widened the conversation into more general areas. Firstly, because of the reasons I just mentioned, and secondly because I wanted to find out if she was single. On finding out that she was, I reacted somewhat similarly to the way I did when we opened the scoring that evening. Internally of course, since running around punching the air and effing and blinding in the middle of an Italian restaurant would have looked a bit strange.
We left the restaurant around 1am, and although I had absolutely no intention of trying anything on, she actually gave me a peck on the cheek. I went home with a quandry. She was a cracking bit of stuff, whom I suspected was interested in more than just an interview on the team's prospects for Saturday. I already had a cracking bit of stuff, whose interest in me had been confirmed in no uncertain terms. As a football manager with competition for places might say, "it's a nice problem to have".

It was the most interesting Tuesday night I could remember spending in Nottingham. The next evening was an extremely energetic one with Jenny, but after that I reckoned I should be spending less time cutting a swathe through the Nottingham singles scene, and more time plotting a return to the Championship for the club. I took the session on Thursday, which raised a few eyebrows, since I rarely took much interest in training unless we were playing crap. I bollocked a few of the lads for looking lazy, and stopped proceedings several times to get a few points across.

Arriving back at my office, Marjorie told me that I had had a phone call from Kelly Taylor. I tried to disguise my excitement, pretending it was just another pesky interruption from the media.
"She's very attractive that young BBC girl isn't she?" Marjorie asked nosily.
"Is she? I haven't noticed. Yes I suppose she is. And about 10 years younger than me."
"You look more like 23 than 33 though."
"Only because I've never had a real job Marjorie. If I'd worked in a factory I'd probably look like Albert Steptoe by now."

When I got hold of Kelly, metaphorically speaking, the news wasn't good. Apparently she'd been called by a News of The World reporter, who had somehow managed to find out about our dinner date. I was absolutely furious, though I hid it from her, since it wasn't her fault this had happened.
"I hope they don't have pictures of you kissing me on the cheek," I said.
"I don't think so. Anyway, even if they did, that was nothing."
"Don't underestimate it," I laughed. "It made my evening."
She laughed too, then said. "It's a shame. I really enjoyed Tuesday night."
"So did I. I'd like to see you again some time. Would that be possible?"
"Yes. It would."
"Listen, until such time as this whole tabloid thing blows over, we'll have to be careful, even strictly professional. But in a few weeks or months, maybe we could pick up where we left off?"
"I'd like that," she sighed.

I felt invincible when I got off the phone, and immediately called my lawyer to tell him that I had heard the News of The World were snooping around again. He was outraged, and promised to put a stop to it straight away, with a restraining order if necessary. Quite right too, considering what they were charging me. I knew I had to act fast, before Nigel got wind of it and started complaining. Finally, I could get back to managing the club.

retired_teju

We traveled down to Southend on the Friday evening for the next day’s encounter in good spirits. I sent the players to bed and had a few drinks in the hotel bar with Frank. Our relationship had warmed quite a bit. I had hurt him badly by firing him the last time, since he loved the club as much as I did. I think I was seeing the benefits of his passion. It brought an intangible which I think was helping us gel as a team.

From a corner not properly cleared, Tyson fired in our opener that Saturday (19). I went cautious and watched as Pedersen saved our bacon on a few occasions. Just as it looked like we would steal the 3 points, we gave up a sloppy goal when Wes Morgan lost his man on 74 minutes. I was furious with him as I watched the game peter out to 1-1 draw.

Southend 1-1 Forest Att: 7299

Paul Evans was in agony when he came off the pitch, so much so that the medical team warned him not to take his boot off till we got back to a hospital in Nottingham. It turned out he had a broken foot and will be out 3-5 months. When asked by a journalist, I admit it's a blow but say we can cover it.

Monday morning, I decided to offer David Johnson around and see if anyone will take him off our hands. His agent was on the phone like a shot:

”David is really ****ed off with this you know?” he began, as though he owned the place.
”I don’t give a f**k. I make the decisions around here and I don’t want him anymore.”
“Well, you’ve got an unhappy player on your hands. Perhaps you should reconsider.”
“Here’s what I’ll tell you. If he’s smart he’ll take the first decent offer he gets, because he’s finished here. And if he f**ks about, he’ll be training with the youth team. Tell him if he needs an explanation why he’s leaving, he can come and see me. Cheerio.”

Nothing much else happened that day, apart from rejecting a crap bid for Beaumont from Walsall. I spent most of the rest of the week at home, thinking about team strategies, whether we would (or more pertinently could) buy before the transfer deadline, and undertaking a rigorous programme of physical exercise with Jenny. I reckon I’ll be fit enough to make a playing comeback at this rate.

The 20th of August was a lovely Summer Saturday at The City Ground. I was standing on the touchline at 11 that morning, ruminating on how magnificent the place looked, and arrogantly imagining that this place and this day deserved much more illustrious visitors than Yeovil. It was that kind of arrogance that had seen this famous club slide to where they were today.

Gary Holt had replaced Evans and it was his needless foul that allowed the visitors to score with a 25 yard free kick ten minutes in, the only action of a dreadful 1st half. The players were expecting me to go mad in the dressing room, and I didn’t disappoint. Still nothing happened for us, until they got a man sent off (71), and I went s**t or bust: all out attack with 3 forwards. I hadn’t seen this one work too often, but we pressed them back and they were hanging on for dear life. Nine minutes from time Tyson dropped off to the left wing, which he is very good at, and crossed for supersub Grant Holt to fire home. I still wasn’t happy though. A draw wasn’t up to the standards I was setting, so we kept hammering them. With time set to run out Tyson did the same routine, this time with Blackstock on the end of it, to snatch a nail-biting (though merited) win with pretty much the last kick of the game. The fans were in transports of delight, and though I usually try to play it cool on the touchline, I knew this one was the winner, and what a big result this was for us. The dressing room was a good place to be afterwards.

Forest 2-1 Yeovil Att: 18849

I get interviewed by Kelly afterwards, and have to resist the urge to jump her. I get the feeling that she might be doing the same, though as I’ve already said, I’m not short on arrogance. The conversation is flirty and cheeky, and in the end I go away wondering if the public noticed all the unrelated drivel between us in the interview. I have to remain professional and talk about the football, instead of doing cheap impersonations of Cary Grant.

Three days later we were at Oldham, in a wide open League Cup game that could have been about 6-4 by half-time. It was 0-0. In the second half, Holt came off the bench to set up Tyson, for a slightly undeserved opener in the 85th minute. That we won the game owed everything to Pedersen’s heroics in net. I tell the lads well done, though it wasn’t exactly a vintage performance.

Oldham 0-1 Forest Att: 3685

Bastians is out 1-4 weeks after picking up a knee injury. Our reward for a slightly fortunate win is a home tie with Watford.

The coach trip to Milton Keynes for the weekend game isn’t an arduous one, though looking at the town itself is hard work. My assistant and I hit the bar again on Friday night, so much so that on matchday morning we’re both trying to pretend we had a bad Chinese the night before. Frank may be a different generation from me, and regard me as a bit of a flash git, but the love of a drink has certainly brought us much closer together.

In an effort to accommodate 3 in-form forwards and cover for our injuries, Tyson plays on the left wing with Holt up front. It’s an even game, then the other Holt, Gary heads in a cross (26). We contain them quite comfortably from thereon in, and with them getting a man sent off with 20-odd minutes left, we cruise home. Job done, we get the hell out of there and are back home for 7 o’clock.

MK Dons 0-1 Forest Att:5232

David Johnson departs for Gillingham over the weekend for 70k, ostensibly to get him off the wage bill. I’m sitting at home on Sunday night having a drink with Jenny and am more than a little surprised to see his agent quoted on Sky Sports talking about how he “jumped at the chance to join them”.

I made another ruthless decision over that weekend, this time affecting veteran midfield clogger Gary Holt. I reckoned he was too old, we had players who could do the same job, he was expensive….I called him personally though, because I liked him. He didn’t take it well. I explained my decision, most importantly that it wasn’t personal, and at least he accepted that. I said sorry, and I meant it. But this is business.

We had the bank holiday game on the Monday, home to Brentford, and despite a few players looking ragged after Saturday, I kept the same team. We started well, and after a goalmouth scramble involving just about every player on the pitch, Grant Holt half volleyed one into the roof of the net. As usual we sat back and looked for the counter. It all went according to plan, until Mr Accident Prone, Wes Morgan gave away a soft penalty. The guy was looking for it, and played Wes for a sucker. You should have heard the roar when Pedersen saved it, and I saw the air go out of the Brentford players and staff right at that moment. From there, the result was never in doubt.

Forest 1-0 Brentford Att: 18852

The transfer deadline was fast approaching, and I got my skates on. Needing cover for the left wing, we signed Emil Halfredsson on loan for 3 months from Spurs. This was despite Commons resuming full training. Gary Holt headed south for Colchester in a deal which realizes 90K and also gets us under the wage budget, gaining me a complimentary phone call from the original Scrooge himself, Nigel. Finally, Nicky Eaden sods off to Millwall for 40K. I accepted bids for him weeks ago, and he was hanging around training with the stiffs until eventually agreeing to go. As an insurance policy, I also sign DM/DR Barry Fuller on loan from Charlton to cover those positions, and see if he’s a viable future transfer target.

Yours truly wins Manager of the Month, Breckin gets player of the month, and to top off the good news, Wes Morgan signs a new deal till 2010 for more or less same money. Nigel tells me the board are encouraged by my start as manger, and that we made a profit of 262 grand for the month. I can almost smell the greed off him when he mentions that part.

retired_teju

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 6 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 2 | +8 | 16 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Swansea | | 6 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 11 | 4 | +7 | 14 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Bradford | | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 10 | 5 | +5 | 13 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Chesterfield | | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 9 | 5 | +4 | 13 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Brentford | | 6 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 12 | 6 | +6 | 12 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Southend | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 10 | 5 | +5 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 7th | | Hartlepool | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 4 | +4 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 8th | | Huddersfield | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 7 | 4 | +3 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 9th | | Doncaster | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 11 | 9 | +2 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10th | | S****horpe | | 6 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 8 | 6 | +2 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 11th | | Walsall | | 6 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 8 | 5 | +3 | 9 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 12th | | Colchester | | 6 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 7 | 10 | -3 | 8 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 13th | | Blackpool | | 6 | 2 | 1 | 3 | 9 | 11 | -2 | 7 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 14th | | Tranmere | | 6 | 1 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 8 | -1 | 6 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 15th | | Oldham | | 6 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 13 | -5 | 6 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 16th | | Swindon | | 6 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 7 | 9 | -2 | 5 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 17th | | Rotherham | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 7 | -2 | 5 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 18th | | MK Dons | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 8 | -3 | 5 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 19th | | Bristol City | | 6 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 6 | -3 | 5 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 20th | | Gillingham | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 4 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 21st | | Bournemouth | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 12 | -7 | 4 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 22nd | | Port Vale | | 6 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 13 | -9 | 4 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 23rd | | Yeovil | | 6 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 2 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 24th | | Barnsley | | 6 | 0 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 8 | -4 | 2 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

retired_teju

September’s first action saw us on the road at Huddersfield, missing the injured Perch, but welcoming back Kris Commons. The game began all action, with us providing most of it, yet somebody from their team kept getting a foot or a head in the way at the critical moment. Then on 14, Beaumont picked up the ball on the left edge of the box, and hammered in an absolute stunner. As always, I tighten things up, yet we still looked menacing, Tyson and Bopp missing golden opportunities. In first half injury time, Blackstock crossed and Tyson made no mistake this time.

The lads knew what was expected, and it’s plain sailing, even after John Thompson got himself sent off for 2 yellows with 12 minutes left. T**t

Huddersfield 0-2 Forest Att: 13652

Victory comes at a price. Thompson is suspended of course. I fine him a week’s wages, and he accepts it, which I am always impressed by. A more significant loss is Ian Breckin, out for 1-2 weeks with a rib injury.

Another glorious late Summer Saturday at the old ground saw the visit of 5th placed Hartlepool. Although tables could lie this early in the season, we’d be taking the threat seriously, especially with Breckin out. I had reasonable confidence in his replacement John Curtis, he just wasn’t the lower division colossus that Brecks was. Barry Fuller started as Thompson’s replacement.

It was a suicidally dull 1st half, during which Tyson missed 2 great chances to give us the lead. I duly administered a bollocking. The visitors were here for a point, and there for the taking as far as I was concerned. With a 2nd half yielding much pressure but still no goals, I was working myself up for a real dressing room tantrum, when Commons picked up a cleared corner and bent one in from 25 yards off the post with just 7 minutes remaining. The radio commentary described it as “pure inspiration”. I agreed with that because it won us the game. A game which we should have won, yet looked like drawing.

[b]Forest 1-0 Hartlepool Att: 25344

Monday morning signaled the start of a busy week on a variety of fronts. After our recent game against them, I had been impressed by Brentford’s young centre back Michael Turner. Our scouts had confirmed my initial impression, and also that his club were penniless. Under those circumstances, I vultured in and got him for 65K. Robbery really, but it’s dog eat dog.
The lad arrives on the 1st January, and will be a serious contender for a place, both now and in the future.

Having received a call from my lawyer, I attended an appointment on the Wednesday afternoon. I sauntered in, shouting over “hello gorgeous” to Jenny. I instantly realized I had made a mistake. She looked embarrassed and I knew I had been unprofessional, and that no-one in the office was aware that I was knocking her off on a nightly basis. I apologized straight away, and made like just another one of the clients.

Jeremy Whitlow of Whitlow Ullathorne and Goss was the partner handling my case. Fortunately he was both down to earth and a fan of the club, so we were able to make small talk and establish a rapport without too much effort. He told me The News of The World had been in touch and wanted to settle, but in a totally absurd way.

In return for an apology, they wanted an “exclusive” interview about my life. It would tell the whole story, the “birds, booze, and bust-ups” as they put it, and also required me to reveal the “inside story” of BBC colleagues, and anyone else I might have met in the last few years that was remotely newsworthy. Jeremy could sense my ill-temper.

”I gather that doesn’t meet with your approval” he smiled.
”I’m totally and utterly offended by it. If I did that I’d end up looking even more ridiculous than if I had actually gone into a massage parlour to have my plums tickled. You can tell them to f**k right off. I want their balls for breakfast.”
“I assume that means a full page apology and substantial damages.”
“Correct. And make sure they’re aware in no uncertain terms that there’ll be no interview with them. Ever.”
“Certainly. Just be aware that if you are intransigent over the terms of the settlement, they may decide to go to court. After all, it would benefit them, in terms of free advertising as it were.”
“I don’t care. I want to get them. If anybody crosses me in football, I get them so that I can send out the message that I’m not to be messed with. Same rules apply here.”
“I understand that perfectly. I’ll get back to you in due course. Although it will move slowly of course.”
“I’ll wait. Thanks Jeremy.”

I had calmed down a bit when I got back to the club, only to find Rune Pedersen in the physio’s room.

”What’s the matter with you?”
“I’ve done a groin boss.”
“How?”
“I was showing one of the youth team lads how many somersaults I could do, and I just felt it go.”
“What were you doing f***ing somersaults for?! Now we’ve got nobody to play in net for Saturday you silly f***er!”
“Sorry boss.”

I didn’t have time to hang around and shout at the poor lad. I got on the phone straight away, and managed to secure a 2 month loan for Bolton youngster Chris Howarth. Due to loan restrictions, I had to return Danny Hollands to Chelsea, but there was no other option really. Our new loan signing was thrust straight in for the visit to Bristol City on the 17th September.

The home side were all over us, and scored 2 minutes before the break. My ranting and raving at the interval only resulted in another goal for them on 48 minutes. It was far and away the worst performance since I got there, and I let the players have it afterwards.

Bristol City 2-0 Forest Att: 14431

I was in a foul mood when I got home, and concentrated on getting as drunk as possible when there was a knock on my apartment door. Jenny was standing there when I opened the door, in a tight top that was fighting a losing battle with her monstrous assets.

”I heard you lost today,” she smiled seductively.
”Yes we did.”
“I just wondered if you needed a shoulder to cry on.”
“Well my eyes are certainly watering, but I’m not crying.”
“Oh, well, there must be something I can do.”
“You can answer me one question I never got around to asking.”
“Yes?”
“How come they’re so big and your waist is so tiny?”
She laughed ”Just good breeding.”
“Oh, I see. Well speaking of breeding…”

Oh the pressures of being a football manager.

Our League Cup game against Watford on the 21st was a bit of a non-event. We lost in extra time and I really should have played the reserves to save our better players for the weekend. We lost anyway after all, and the league is our only priority. Commons injured his rib and Padula did a hamstring in the game, and I’ll be without them for 2 weeks and 4 weeks respectively.

The weekend came and Tranmere arrived at our place. Rogers, Halfredsson and Blackstock returned to the line-up, and despite a dominating first half performance we got nothing. I told the lads to keep plugging away instead of losing my rag, and with 48 minutes on the clock, a long punt from Rogers saw Blackstock race through to score what would turn out to be the only goal of the game. The visitors had f**k all to offer, and the result was never seriously in doubt. In fact I couldn’t even remember them having a chance in the game.

Forest 1-0 Tranmere Att: 25483

We hardly had time to turn around before we’re off to Swindon for a Tuesday game. They’re in 23rd place, 10 games without a win, so of course we conceded two goals to them in the 2nd and 20th minutes. A sublime cracker from Beaumont pulled one back before half-time, and again I tried the softly softly approach in the dressing room. It didn’t work this time for sure, as we conceded another two sloppy goals before the end of a performance which left me smashing things in the dressing room, and sulking at the front of the coach back to Nottingham promising “no more Mr Nice Guy”.

Swindon 4-1 Forest Att: 5521

The club managed a profit of 28K for the month, small beer in Nigel’s book.

The first of the month saw us take on Blackpool at home, another side pressing for the playoffs. Perch, Fuller, Commons, and Blackstock all returned to the side, which gave me a little more confidence. Five minutes in Tyson went on a mazy run, which didn’t particularly seem to be going anywhere, until he got the bounce of the ball and drove home. Eleven minutes later Rogers floated in a free kick, and after [Blackstock was thwarted by their keeper, Bopp was on hand to tap in. A similar scenario just after the half hour saw us grab a third, Tyson tapping in, again from a Blackstock rebound. Beaumont added a penalty on the hour, completing a ruthless performance that was barely dented when they got one back with 10 minutes to go. I told the lads they were sensational, and that’s no lie.

Forest 4-1 Blackpool Att: 19481

retired_teju

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> | Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | | Nottm Forest | | 12 | 9 | 1 | 2 | 20 | 9 | +11 | 28 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Swansea | | 12 | 8 | 2 | 2 | 22 | 11 | +11 | 26 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | S****horpe | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 16 | 11 | +5 | 21 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Hartlepool | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 13 | 8 | +5 | 21 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Doncaster | | 12 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 20 | 16 | +4 | 21 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Chesterfield | | 12 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 16 | 11 | +5 | 20 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 7th | | Bradford | | 12 | 6 | 2 | 4 | 15 | 13 | +2 | 20 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 8th | | Bristol City | | 12 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 13 | 8 | +5 | 19 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 9th | | Colchester | | 12 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 18 | 18 | 0 | 19 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10th | | Southend | | 12 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 13 | 11 | +2 | 18 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 11th | | Brentford | | 12 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 19 | 18 | +1 | 18 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 12th | | Barnsley | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 14 | 15 | -1 | 15 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 13th | | MK Dons | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 12 | 14 | -2 | 15 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 14th | | Blackpool | | 12 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 19 | 22 | -3 | 15 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 15th | | Huddersfield | | 12 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 12 | 15 | -3 | 14 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 16th | | Rotherham | | 12 | 4 | 2 | 6 | 11 | 15 | -4 | 14 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 17th | | Walsall | | 12 | 2 | 7 | 3 | 11 | 11 | 0 | 13 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 18th | | Gillingham | | 12 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 19 | 22 | -3 | 12 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 19th | | Yeovil | | 12 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 18 | 21 | -3 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 20th | | Oldham | | 12 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 14 | 20 | -6 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 21st | | Bournemouth | | 12 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 13 | 19 | -6 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 22nd | | Port Vale | | 12 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 9 | 21 | -12 | 11 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 23rd | | Swindon | | 12 | 1 | 7 | 4 | 14 | 17 | -3 | 10 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 24th | | Tranmere | | 12 | 1 | 5 | 6 | 10 | 15 | -5 | 8 | | -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

This league table is after the 1st October game, due to an oversight by yours truly.

retired_teju

News reaches me that Grant Holt will miss 1-2 weeks, however this is offset by the news that Paul Gerrard is now available for duty. He’ll provide some much needed experience between the pipes.

On Thursday I got a call from my producer at the BBC, Brian Meadows. I was convinced he’d called up to give me the boot from my job as a pundit. Instead, the corporation intended to do the opposite, and extend my contract. He said management and audiences alike had been “overwhelmingly positive” about my performance. They liked my naturally controversial and outspoken style, laced with a little bit of humour, whilst not taking myself or the game too seriously. I had to be careful not to cross the line and be offensive, he warned me. To that end, he had some “observations”.

During England’s game against Sweden I had said that Joe Cole’s goal would have had the viewers “creaming”. I was told in no uncertain terms that references to orgasms during BBC coverage was a no-no. Secondly, I had been overheard off-air making a so-called sexist remark, when I observed that a BBC researcher had “great knockers”. Finally, he mentioned that there had been a few eyebrows raised about drinking and taking girls back to my hotel room whilst I had been in Germany. I denied any impropriety, which was a lie, but promised to keep my nose clean in the future. I had to laugh when he suggested I had been leading Alan Hansen astray. He didn’t need to be led from what I could see.

Then came the real purpose of the call. BBC’s Football Focus wanted to do a feature on me and the progress of the club for next Saturday’s lunchtime show. It included an interview with my old mate Ray Stubbs, whom I’d known both professionally and alcoholically for a good few years. I had been a regular guest on the show when I was out of management. We’d got on well from first meeting, and had what the TV people liked to call “great chemistry”. It was a shame that our stint together on the show ended after an unfortunate incident.

After finishing up one Saturday lunchtime, we’d decided to go out for “a quick pint”, which turned into a massive bender that ended the following Wednesday. That wouldn’t have been a problem, except that Ray was supposed to be presenting the snooker coverage from Preston on Tuesday. Realising his mistake, he called up just in time and told them that he had a “domestic situation” he had to deal with. The BBC made other arrangements, dragging David Vine out of retirement to sub in.

In fact, Ray was actually holed up in a hotel in Chelsea Harbour with me and two tramps we had picked up in (appropriately enough) “Tramp” nightclub in central London (separate rooms mind you). When he did eventually go home, smelling of booze and cheap perfume, he really did have a “domestic situation” on his hands.

The interview was originally suggested for Sunday morning, but I wasn’t having that since it meant I would have to lay off the bevies on Saturday night. I arranged it for that evening instead, giving us maximum time to go out on the tear.

On Friday morning, we headed down to The Potteries, for Saturday’s game against Port Vale.

They weren’t exactly in the form of their lives, and sat in 22nd position. We were confident of beating them, and got a good start. A lovely reverse pass from Blackstock released Bopp down the right, and his cross was nodded home by Tyson. Just 3 minutes later, Tyson escaped down the left, and crossed. Blackstock was denied, and Barry Fuller was on hand to pass the rebound into the net.

It seemed we had let the home side back in needlessly after 55 minutes. A regulation cross was stupidly put into his own net by Beaumont. Any hopes of a comeback were dashed though, when they had a man sent off with 20 minutes left, then another dismissed for a professional foul 5 minutes from the end. I told the lads well done, and told the coach driver to put his foot down and get us back to Nottingham.

Port Vale 1-2 Forest Att; 5788

The interview went well, and it was nice to see Ray again. The questions were half-volleys (a cricketing term meaning easy for those who don’t know) and I preened myself as he mentioned me “masterminding” 11 wins in 15 games through “mean defence”. After the interview I immediately suggested we go and get p***ed, and that’s precisely what we did. The boozing ended late on Sunday night though, since Ray was fronting the Masters snooker that week, and we had a game at home to Barnsley on Tuesday night.

Prior to that fixture, I arranged to sell John Thompson to Falkirk for 110k in January. He was out of contract anyway, and I couldn’t decide whether he was worth keeping, so I thought I might as well get something for him.

Authors note: Apologies for the outside stuff outstripping the gameplay at the minute. I will have to wait till the weekend to get some serious games played, and just wanted to keep up the story till then. Hope people are still enjoying it.

retired_jenny1970

YEnjoying the story, and being drunk is the only way to be in Nottingham!

retired_teju

Thanks a lot hilditch, being drunk is a good way to be in most places

retired_calowe05

Mandrake The Bear paused by this story, read over it, and made the following comments:

'I like this story, a lot. I appreciate how it is not one dimensional like some of the stories on this forum, your character development is good. Well done!'

Knowing that his work here was done, for now, Mandrake The Bear retreated to his cave

retired_teju

Thanks a lot Mandrake, I have to admit this is the first time I have had praise from a bear, but I appreciate it just as much

A decent sized update will arrive tomorrow afternoon.