BobBev

The Times
Thursday May 26th, 2005
Chelsea – Champions Of Europe

The game may not have been a classic but that mattered little to the tens of thousands of Chelsea fans who had braved the trip to a potentially hostile Istanbul. Nor did it matter to the millions watching what was at times a dour encounter back in England on TV. Milan determined early on that it would be a war of attrition rather than a footballing spectacle as they set out to stifle the attacking threat of their opponents. There was only one team looking to attack and although they lacked their usual fluency, Chelsea remained positive throughout. Both Damien Duff and Patrick Vieira passed late fitness tests to take their place on the pitch but it was clear that Duff in particular was not quite as sharp as usual. Vieira on the other hand showed no signs of fatigue and it was perhaps fitting that the French international scored the only goal of the game in the 77th minute. Ronaldinho’s inswinging corner had so much pace and venom that Vieira merely had to steer the ball in the right direction past a stranded Dida in the Milan goal. It was no less than the Blues deserved as they brought a memorable season to a close with a historic double. Chelsea manager Yuri Djerkinov made a rare statement to the press after the game, or at least his interpreter did as the reticent Russian still appears to have no grasp of the English language. After an extraordinary debut season in charge he paid tribute to his players, stating that it was an honour for him to work with such talented and professional individuals. He may not speak the same language but it is clear that his team have enormous respect for their manager and perhaps it proves that the language of football is indeed universal.

BobBev

The Daily Express
Sunday May 29th, 2005
Morten Special Enough For Rovers

Putting the disappointment of a mediocre league season behind then, underdogs Blackburn Rovers pulled off an unlikely FA Cup win over favourites Spurs. A cracking free kick from glamour boy Morten Gamst Pedersen with just 45 seconds on the clock proved to be enough to beat a lacklustre Tottenham side. The Londoners were expected to build on their 3rd place Premiership finish by lifting the FA Cup for the 9th time in their history but Mark Hughes and his team had other ideas. The Blackburn boss had a great cup pedigree as a player and he sent his team out with instructions to get amongst their opponents from the start. With captain Robbie Savage making some biting challenges in midfield and Pedersen having the game of his life, Rovers imposed their physical presence. The slight figure of Michael Carrick was no match for this robust style of game and he was replaced by Michael Brown after 60 minutes but it made little difference and Blackburn were able to hold out for the win.

BobBev

Decoded Despatch from Agent Sokolov
Wednesday June 1st, 2005

It has been a very hectic month at the football club. Comrade Djerkinov insisted on meticulous preparations for their Champions League campaign and having won the trophy he has been in constant demand for interviews and press conferences. All of which has meant that I have rarely been far from his side. I have to say that I have seen a different side to the man recently and I do believe that he is a very talented football manager. What he has achieved this season has been a major triumph and he has the full respect and confidence of his players – no mean achievement considering his inexperience and the manner of his arrival. Comrade Colonel, I may have been a little indiscreet on one occasion, as I have let slip to Yuri that Abramovich plans to sell off a number of key players during the summer. He was so happy to be working with the squad that I felt it only fair that he had some warning. He took it badly and went on yet another of his Wodka binges. The club finances have been boosted significantly this month with some £18M in prize money for winning the Premiership and the Champions League and another £13M in TV revenues from UEFA. I calculate that there is some £90M in the club account now, money that will undoubtedly be siphoned off and replaced by Abramovich’s “dirty money�. I have heard nothing further from you regarding the banks that were involved in the initial transactions last summer and I hope that you will be in a position to block these funds at source before Abramovich’s plan comes to fruition.

BobBev

From the Diary of Yuri Djerkinov
Sunday June 5th, 2005

What a fortnight it has been. First the unbelievable high of winning the Champions League. Then the terrible low when Misha told me of the player sale that Abramovich is planning. He refused to tell me how he knew of the plan but it is clear to me that he has been doing much more than translating for me and his late night exploits have not all been concerned with his young lady. I am sad to say that my Wodka bottle contained the real stuff that night, much to my regret and shame. Otherwise I would not have confronted Roman as I did and I recall little of our blazing row. But I have a horrible feeling that I let slip that Misha was the source of my information and I hope that will not land the boy in too much trouble.

BobBev

Decoded Despatch to Agent Sokolov From Moscow
Wednesday June 15th, 2005

Agent Solokov, it appears that your so-called indiscretion with Comrade Djerkinov may have serious consequences for our investigation. Abramovich has closed his accounts at the banks that we have been monitoring and we can only assume that he has an indication that we are aware of his plans. It will take some time to identify the financial institutions that he is now dealing with and this is a major setback. But at least we know what his real intentions are and we will be able to build a case given sufficient time. On a more sinister note we have been notified by our contact in MI6 that Comrade Smirnoff has recently entered the UK and we must take steps to ensure that your safety is maintained. We are making arrangements to have yourself, Titov and Djerkinov repatriated back to Russia as soon as possible. We recommend that the three of you move immediately to the safe accommodation that we arranged last year and stay well away from Stamford Bridge from now on.

BobBev

The Daily Mail
Thursday June 16th, 2005
Gruesome Double Slaying At The Bridge

Council street cleaners made a gruesome discovery in the early hours of this morning as they were working outside Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea Football Club. The bodies of two men were found, apparently impaled on metal railings near the front entrance of the stadium. The police and ambulance services were immediately called but there was nothing that could be done and the two were pronounced dead at the scene. 45-year-old Ken Armstrong was one of the cleaning crew that made the grisly find and he spoke to our reporter earlier today. “It was a right shock I can tell you. We was about halfway through our shift when we saw the poor blokes. They was stuck right on the fence – it was a right mess I have to say. I mean we dialled 999 straight away but you could tell there was no hope for them. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen and I can tell you I’ve seen a few sights in my time.� The police have refused to release the identities of the two men until they have had an opportunity to inform their next of kin.

BobBev

The Times
Saturday June 18th, 2005
Stamford Bridge Slayings – Victims Identified

Earlier today the Metropolitan Police released the identities of the two men found impaled on a metal fence outside Stamford Bridge. They have been named as Mikhail Petrovich Sokolov and Vladimir Alekseyevich Titov, both Russian nationals and both employees of Chelsea Football Club. Mr. Titov was a fitness coach for the Chelsea first team and Mr. Sokolov was employed as a translator for the club’s manager Mr. Yuri Djerkinov. Only last month a triumphant Chelsea team were crowned champions of Europe, adding that title to the Premiership crown in a remarkable first season for new manager Djerkinov. No one form the club was prepared to comment on the tragic double murder and the whereabouts of Mr. Djerkinov is currently unknown.

BobBev

From the Diary of Yuri Djerkinov
Wednesday June 22nd, 2005

What a nightmare this is turning out to be! Poor Misha, what a terrible way to meet your end. I knew that no good would come of his meddling. I still don’t know why I refused to go with him when he called me that night – perhaps if I had they would both still be alive. More likely I would have ended up on the fence beside them! At least the lad had the foresight to hide a copy of his notes in my office, although I’m sure that he had no idea that I knew they were there. I just had time to retrieve them and make myself scarce before Abramovich’s goons arrived and I was very lucky that they didn’t see me as I slipped out of the stadium. I have been keeping well hidden since then, studying Misha’s notes and piecing it all together. When I had the full story I took two further copies and sent one to my bank and one to my lawyer with clear instructions that they be released to the press in the event of my untimely demise. That’s when I decided that I would pay Roman a visit in his private apartment and confront him. I expected him to be furious that he was under investigation and that his plan had been discovered. But he wasn’t angry, he was terrified. And then he told me the whole story. Smirnoff and his cronies have been blackmailing Roman for the past 12 months by threatening to kill his family if he didn’t cooperate. The money laundering was being done for Smirnoff’s benefit, not Roman’s and the poor man had been living a nightmare for the past 12 months.

“I have bodyguards Yuri� he told me, “but they are no match for these people – if they want you dead then you are as good as dead.�

I was still not totally convinced. “So explain this to me – I confronted you about your plan to sell of our top players and a few days later Misha and Titov are dead. A coincidence?�

“Of course not Yuri, but were you so drunk that you didn’t see that we were not alone. The so-called ‘minder’ at my office door was not one of my men, he was one of Smirnoff’s. I tried to shut you up but you were ranting and raving about how Misha had told you what was going to happen and that you wouldn’t sit back and watch the club being destroyed. My friend, you signed Misha’s death warrant that night in your drunken rage.�

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach – it was all my fault and there was nothing I could do about it. We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity – me wallowing in self pity and Roman looking lost in thought. Then he said to me “Yuri, there may be a way out of this after all but I need your help. Now that I know the FSB are involved we can use this to our advantage. If we can flush Smirnoff out into the open then the FSB can act and maybe the nightmare will be over. Will you help me Yuri?�

“If it means getting justice for poor Misha and atoning for what I have done, then yes, I will help you.�

“Good. Now I need you to go back to Russia and get in touch with Misha’s superiors. Tell them the whole story and then wait to hear from me.�

Brian of Nazareth

you killed him off! :o Read through the last few pages in one go. Poor Misha A very well crafted story so far in opening up the route to Russia!

Congrats on the Chelsea success though and hell that quarter final tie with Inter must have been one to remember

BobBev

Cheers Bri - the Juventus game was a corker and I really thought I'd blown it.

Press Release From Chelsea Football Club
Monday June 27th

Everyone at Chelsea Football Club is deeply shocked by the tragic death of two of the Club’s employees and we are doing everything possible to assist the police in their enquiries. This heartbreaking incident has affected our manager Yuri Djerkinov very profoundly and it is with regret that he has announced that he will be unable to continue in his position at the club. With great reluctance we have accepted his resignation and we understand that he will be returning to Russia in the near future. Assistant Manager Steve Clarke has been appointed caretaker manager until such time as a permanent appointment can be made.