retired_swmchick2006

Hick, I've just sent you mail about an offer you can probably refuse.

KUTGW anyway.

(23 million pounds though! Egad man!)

retired_karamelkel

Attjen- replied to your offer.

As for 23 million pounds, when I have to spend money, I go all out.

retired_karamelkel

September 2008

"So how is West Ham now?"

"Well sir, they are meeting your draconian expectations."

"Are they now?"

"Yes sir, four wins, two draws and a loss so far. That's good for fifth place in the Prem so far."

"That's good work. What accounts for tthe turnaround?"

"Well sir, I think it was the lengthy preseason scedule. That ensured the starters were in match form by opening day."

"I see. Have you made any change to the lineup so far?"

"Yes, the starting right back of the last three seasons Nicolas S. has been just meserable. His form has really hit rock bottom, so we had to go out and purschaee Jamie NcCunnie for 600K pounds. He and Deroff are now having a bake-off for the starting job."

"I see and what of Nicolas S.?"

"Sent to the reserves sir. He's in the last year of his contract."

"Ah"

"So sir, bask in our success."

"That I will. Hope you have as much success in your next report."

"That will be in November sir."

retired_karamelkel

November 2008

"So how is West Ham now?"

"Well sir, with 16 games played, West Ham have 8 wins, 5 draws and only 3 losses."

"You've gained at least a point in nearly three-quarters of your games, not bad."

"No sir, not bad at all, considering that West Ham are second in the Prem."

"Who's leading the league?"

"Chelsea by a mile. They've won 15 and lost only one."

"So they're running away with the league."

"Yes sir, they are doing that at the moment."

"So why the sudden turnaround?"

"Well sir, the lads are worried about job security. A couple of the players in the reserves are making a case for first-team inclusion and as such, forcing the regulars to play better."

"Has anyone been particularly inspired?"

"Yes, Moreira. He bagged four goals in a 4-0 thrashing of Southampton at their park. He then went on to score two more goals in the next game."

"Pretty impressive."

"Yeah, he became the first ever West Ham player under my tenure to be named Premier Divsion Player of the Month."

"Seems justified."

"And if I may be immodest for a moment, I was named Manager of the Month as well."

"Ah, nice going. Has anyone else contributed significantly to the recent wins?"

"Yes sir, both Langfield and Crainey have proven they were well worth the price West Ham paid for them."

"Good, we have a reliable keeper and defense this year?"

"So far, and Robson is finally playing well on the left."

"So the whole is playing well."

"Yes sir."

Well, keep up the good work and maybe I'll let you keep your job."

"Well, I aim to keep it."

"Report back in January."

"Yes sir."

retired_karamelkel

January 2009


"It's a new year now and how are West Ham faring?"

"Well Mr. Chairman, we've slipped a wee bit."

"How so?"

"West Ham are back down to fifth place in the Prem. We've won 11, drawn 9 and lost 5."

"What happened?"

"Well sir, our hot hands have cooled somwhat. We were helped by a surfeit of home games early in the year."

"I see."

"Yeah, we haven't liost a game yet at Upton Park yet."


"That's impressive."

"Yes, but if we want to win the Prem, we are going to have to play better on the road."

"That's true as well. Still, the team seems to be doing well."

"We are better than we have been the past few years."

"I hope you manage to keep it up."

"I do too, McCunnie is proving to be a great addition at right back."

"Good, and how is O'Conner?"

"His usual inconsistant self. Plays great against weak competition, lousy against strong teams."

"I don't understand that, the lad has such good skills."

"Well sir, I don't understand either. You've have to ask a psychologist."

"That would cost too much."

"Fair enough sir, it's your team."

"Yes it is, keep performing well."

"Ok sir, see you in March."

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Saturday 20th December 2008********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2008/9 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------5 Archibald, Alan 3 (4) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.43 9 Baldé, Boubacar 5 (6) 2 0 0 0 0 0 1 6.82 - Barré, Yannick - - - - - - - - ---- 1 Bonnefoi, Landry 2 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 7.00 22 Boyack, Steven 1 (3) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.75 24 Brebner, Grant 2 (6) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.63 - Bruce, Mark - - - - - - - - ---- - Caldwell, Chris 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 7 Camara, Ibrahima 15 (1) 4 0 0 1 0 0 2 7.00 - Carlier, Rudy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Casanova, Patrick - - - - - - - - ---- 3 Crainey, Stephen 18 0 0 0 3 4 0 0 7.17 - Denquin, Frédéric - - - - - - - - ---- 2 Deroff, Yves 8 0 0 0 3 0 0 0 7.00 - Diane, Ugo 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Didot, Lionel 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 14 Distin, Sylvain 19 2 0 4 (2) 2 0 0 0 6.68 6 Fisher, John 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Giraudon, Loïc 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Goursat, Eric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Henry, Christophe 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 12 Howie, Willie 4 (5) 3 0 0 0 1 0 0 7.00 8 Innes, Mark 6 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 7.17 - King, William 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Kisamba, Cédric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Konaté, Alain 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 13 Langfield, Jamie 19 0 14 0 0 0 0 1 7.37 20 Lauchlan, Jim 18 0 0 0 0 3 1 0 7.00 - Malacarne, Franck 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Marsiglia, Steven 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 26 McCunnie, Jamie 10 1 0 0 3 3 0 1 7.20 - McLaughlin, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 18 McLaughlin, Paul 1 (1) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 7.00 15 Miller, Lee 1 (3) 1 0 0 2 0 0 0 8.00 23 Mondafu, Gabriel 19 2 0 0 1 1 0 0 7.42 - Montanier, Laurent 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Montgomery, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 19 Moreira 19 10 0 0 5 3 0 4 7.68 17 Murray, Ian 2 (4) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.67 10 O'Connor, Gary 14 3 0 0 2 0 0 1 7.36 11 Robson, Barry 16 3 0 0 2 0 0 1 6.94 - Ryan, Billy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 25 Sahnoun, Nicolas 3 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.33 4 Stewart, Michael 20 0 0 0 4 4 0 1 7.25 - Tanguy, Christian 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Veigneau, Olivier 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 21 Vosahlo, Anthony 3 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 7.33 - Watt, Mark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 16 Weir, Graham 3 (2) 2 0 0 0 0 0 2 7.40 </pre>

retired_swimmer1995

Come on Hick, you're losing you're creative mo-jo - still loving your work, but where's the story-line baby?

retired_karamelkel

March 2009

"What's the latest?"

"Well sir, West Ham has played 31 games now in the Prem."

"Yes, I figured that, but what's your record?"

"We've won 14, draewn 11 and lost 6."

"And your league position?"

"Fourth place sir."

"I see, and the FA Cup?"

"We made it to the fifth round, the best Cup finish in my tenure."

"I see. So you've still managed to essentially fail in the competitions."

"I don't see what you mean sir."

"You had to win both English Cups and the Prem twice in order to meet the Alliance's goals."

"Did I?"

"Yes you did."

"I didn't know about the Cups sir."

"Igonorance is no excuse."

"Fair enough."

"In fact, you're running out of time to achieve any of these goals."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you have the 09/10, 10/11 and 11/12 seasons to win all those competitions."

"Why are you telling me all this in March sir?"

"Because I expect you to use your last 7 games to prepare."

"And if I don't do as you wish sir?"

"I think you know what will happen."

""Prehaps I do sir, but the Alliance should be happy with the team's performance."

"They are, but they are impatient with the lack of results."

"Prehaps they would like to manage."

"Prehaps they could do a better job."

"Well sir, I respectually doubt that."

"We shall see in May."

"Yes, Mr. Chairman, we will."

retired_karamelkel

[b]May 2009[b]

"So how did the last seven games go?"

"Not too bad sir. West Ham finished with a 17-13-8 mark. That was good enough to retain our hold on fourth place in the Prem."

"I see. That means you'll be playing in Europe next season."

"Yes sir, we should be in the Champion's League."

"The group stage?"

"No sir, more likely one of the qualifying rounds."

"Ah, did you find a new lineup for next season?"

"No sir, but a couple of reservists should be ready for first=team action next season."

"I warned you, did I not, that you were to use the last seven games to find a lineup for next season."

"Yes well, it's not that easy. Several players could leave since their contracts run out or they could retire. It's impossible to put together a lineup for next season when I'm not sure who will be here."

"Can't you at least try?"

"Hmm, I'd guess that Crainey, McCunnie, and O'Conner are locks. Everyone else is either old or was a stopgap."

"I see."

"But, the team finally seems to be playing to its portential."

"Prehaps it is, but remember, you have a lot of work to do."

"I guess so, see you over the summer sir."

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * English Premier Division - Sunday 17th May 2009********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2008/9 Table============================================= ================================================== =Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st C Chelsea 38 13 3 3 21 6 12 2 5 29 14 80 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2nd Liverpool 38 15 3 1 36 8 8 7 4 25 18 79 3rd Man Utd 38 9 6 4 33 17 13 5 1 46 17 77 4th West Ham 38 11 6 2 29 10 6 7 6 25 20 64 5th Tottenham 38 10 3 6 24 14 8 6 5 22 18 63 6th Newcastle 38 11 3 5 28 18 5 7 7 24 28 58 7th Arsenal 38 10 5 4 31 21 5 6 8 18 20 56 8th Blackburn 38 10 7 2 29 18 5 4 10 21 30 56 9th Sunderland 38 7 9 3 25 18 8 1 10 26 32 55 10th Fulham 38 12 5 2 32 8 2 7 10 12 22 54 11th Leeds 38 7 7 5 22 18 6 7 6 17 25 53 12th Southampton 38 8 5 6 27 24 6 4 9 20 27 51 13th Birmingham 38 9 5 5 23 19 3 8 8 15 26 49 14th Middlesbrough 38 8 7 4 26 21 3 7 9 13 25 47 15th Norwich 38 6 3 10 23 31 5 7 7 15 20 43 16th Leicester 38 6 6 7 27 26 6 1 12 12 27 43 17th Bolton 38 6 6 7 17 21 4 3 12 14 29 39 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------18th R Wigan 38 5 6 8 30 31 2 4 13 16 34 31 19th R Blackpool 38 3 5 11 16 29 4 4 11 20 35 30 20th R Millwall 38 1 1 17 6 40 1 4 14 8 38 11 ************************************************** ********************************************** West Ham United - Sunday 17th May 2009********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2008/9 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------5 Archibald, Alan 5 (4) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.56 9 Baldé, Boubacar 9 (8) 3 0 0 0 0 0 2 6.88 - Barré, Yannick - - - - - - - - ---- 1 Bonnefoi, Landry 17 0 17 0 0 0 0 0 7.12 22 Boyack, Steven 2 (13) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.73 24 Brebner, Grant 5 (10) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.60 - Bruce, Mark - - - - - - - - ---- - Caldwell, Chris 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 7 Camara, Ibrahima 35 (1) 5 0 0 6 2 0 3 7.14 - Carlier, Rudy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Casanova, Patrick - - - - - - - - ---- 3 Crainey, Stephen 35 6 0 0 4 9 0 1 7.29 - Denquin, Frédéric - - - - - - - - ---- 2 Deroff, Yves 12 0 0 0 4 1 1 0 6.92 - Diane, Ugo 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Didot, Lionel 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 14 Distin, Sylvain 40 5 0 6 (4) 2 2 0 0 6.67 - Giraudon, Loïc 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Goursat, Eric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Henry, Christophe 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 12 Howie, Willie 5 (7) 3 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.92 8 Innes, Mark 11 (5) 0 0 0 2 1 0 0 7.00 - King, William 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Konaté, Alain 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 13 Langfield, Jamie 27 0 18 0 0 0 0 1 7.44 20 Lauchlan, Jim 39 0 0 0 0 7 1 0 6.90 - Malacarne, Franck 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Marsiglia, Steven 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 26 McCunnie, Jamie 29 2 0 0 7 5 1 3 7.17 - McLaughlin, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 18 McLaughlin, Paul 5 (1) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.33 15 Miller, Lee 2 (4) 1 0 0 2 0 0 0 7.50 23 Mondafu, Gabriel 38 6 0 0 2 1 0 0 7.24 - Montanier, Laurent 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Montgomery, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 19 Moreira 39 (1) 13 0 0 7 5 0 5 7.38 17 Murray, Ian 4 (6) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.50 10 O'Connor, Gary 30 7 0 0 3 2 0 3 7.40 11 Robson, Barry 35 5 0 0 4 0 0 1 6.91 - Ryan, Billy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 25 Sahnoun, Nicolas 3 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.33 4 Stewart, Michael 39 1 0 0 4 7 0 1 7.03 - Tanguy, Christian 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Veigneau, Olivier 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 21 Vosahlo, Anthony 9 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 7.33 - Watt, Mark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 16 Weir, Graham 9 (7) 5 0 0 1 0 1 2 7.25 </pre>

retired_swimmer1995

That's better :thup:

retired_karamelkel

My eyes snapped open at 5 am, just like they did every morning of the year. Football is a preparation-driven sport especially at the Prem level. Humming to myself, I blithely walked through my morning routine, showering, drinking two cups of coffee, scanning the national news in the paper, but never reading the sports pages. At 7 am sharp, I grabbed my briefcase, which contained the practice and to-do schedules for the start of the week. I walked into the hallway, walked to the elevator, went down four floors to the lobby, through the lobby and out the front door. As I stepped out, I got the shock of my life. I fainted.

I woke up only a couple of minutes later. A strange man was couched next to me. I felt a warm trickle running down my face. Apparently, the man had revived me by throwing the contents of his cup, hot tea, into my face. I sat up and looked around, nothing had changed. The man looked at me, and inquired, “Are you ok?” I looked at him, “No sir, just merely had the shock of my life. Where’s the nearest pub?” The man smiled and said that he was the owner of the pub on the corner of the street. He helped me up and supporting me, dragged me into his pub. Despite the early hour, he went behind the bar, asked me for my order and then handed me a pint of bitter.

After two fortifying gulps of the brew, my mind began to clear. I looked around the pub. Just as I feared, I didn’t recognize the place. My usual pub in London had a dingy, rustic appearance that reminded me of home. This place, however, had a sea motif. Various ship paraphernalia lined the walls. I took another gulp of the bitter, turned and faced the barman.

“Can you tell me where I’m at?” I asked.

The barman gave me a long look and said, “Are you sure you’re ok?”

I replied, “I don’t know, humor me for the moment.”

He said simply, “You’re in the Sea-side Pub, in Dover.”

“Dover?” I repeated with a hint of panic

“Yes, Dover, say aren’t you going to be late for work?” He asked, gesturing at my briefcase.

“Uh, no, I’m uh self-employed.”

“Sure you are, aren’t you the man that guided Dover to the title just two weeks ago?”

“Dover? I manage West Ham.”

“You’re joking, That D1 outfit.”

“Division 1 my ass. We’ve been in the Premier since 02/03. For your information we just fourth in the Premier in the just completed 08/09 season.”

“The…08/09 season? Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?”

“I passed out, I didn’t hit my head. Take a look at the briefcase.” The barman opened the case and pulled a sheet from it.

“This paper here says here that you’re going to work with Calleja on his crossing today at the morning training session.”
“I

“Really, can you humor me again and tell me the year?”

The barman squinted at me, “It’s June 2, 2007. Really sir, are you ok?”

“No I’m not, pull me another bitter and leave me be.”

“Ok.”

The barman pulled another pint for me. I slid off the stool and flipped my cell phone open as I moved to the restroom for privacy. Sure enough, the list of numbers was different than I remembered them. Thankfully, my phone organization was the same, so I called the top number and left a message saying that I was ill and that I would be in tomorrow. I promised to fax in the training schedule pronto. I returned to the bar, where my bitter sat. I pulled it towards me and drank. The publican left me to his own devices as he bustled around getting his pub ready for the noon lunch crowd. I brooded and tried to collect my thoughts. Last night, I had been thrilled that West Ham had finished fourth in the Premier for the 08/09 season. Now, in the morning, it seemed that I had, A. Become Dover’s manager, winning the Prem title, and B. had just finished the 06/07 season. It was strange and unexplainable. Still, I had grown up a science fiction fan, so the idea of falling into an alternate dimension didn’t really bother me. What bothered me was actually having fiction come to life in my case. Still, two pints of bitter had cleared my head nicely. I thanked the barkeep for his help, attempted to pay, only to have the note pushed back into my hand. I walked out the pub doors. I had a lot of catching up to do.