retired_karamelkel

August/September 2002

Internal memo

West Ham is playing above anyone's reasonable expectations. They are in 8th place in the Premier. However, the results have been inconsistant. There were blow-out losses to Everton and Southhampton. There have also been epectacular victories against Manchester United and Arsenal (a wild 4-3 win at Highbury). The team is slowing gelling and could become very competitive in the middle and late stages of the season. So far, in other competions, West Ham easily beat Torquay on the road to advance to the third round of the League Cup. They will face Kidderminster on the road. The League Cup and the FA Cup should provide ample oppertunities for the backup first-team players to get playing time. This will be vital late in the season when fixtures start to mount.

West Ham has been sparked by the acquistion of young Hearts defender Andy Webster. Webster, a 22 year old who has been capped for Scotland's B Team, has stabilized the defense since his arrival, averaging five tackles a game. We are also in talks with Hibs to land 19 yr old forward Gary O'Conner. The latest offer is 10 million pounds to be paid out over 6 months. O'Conner is a talented forward who willl have an immediate impact for us, if we can accquire him.

retired_karamelkel

October 2002

A dark dingy pub deep in the heart of London

"So tell me Mr. Chairman, how's freedon?"

"Very well. I discovered the door was unlocked at about 10 am."

"Ah so about a couple of hours after I had unlocked it. I see you're doing well."

"Yes, I'm slowly rebuilding my bussinesses."

"Plus, you still have your stock that the Alliance didn't buy up."

"Yes, and I must say that investment is doing poorly."

"Well, we are spending a bit of momey on players. We just acquired Jamie Smith from Celtic for 3.2M pounds."

"And why him? It's rumored that he has "personal problems." Seems a bit of a risk."

"Well, he's young and motivated. Besides, forwards tend to be overvalued. It's impossible to find good forwars for cheap."

"True, I must also ask how the team is doing in the Premier?"

"We've slipped a bit. West Ham is sitting in 10th place and we've lost a couple in a row."

"Why?"

"Well sir, the roster is not particularly good. It's mostly fat old duffers earning a paycheck. We have virtually no offense, which is why we're trying to purchuse forwards."

"I see, so West Ham may be relegated, I'll keep hoping that you and your Alliance pals will be sacked."

"Well, sir, you're entitled to your opinion, but we're not in danager of that just yet."

"We shall see."

"Yes we will. I'll pay your tab and then see you next month."

retired_karamelkel

November 2002 through January 2003

"I see that West Ham is now struggling."

"Yes sir, we are."

"I knew it would catch up to you eventually."

"Well, 14th place and five points above relegation isn't too bad."

"Ha"

"We are taking prventative measures at the moment. We slashed the payroll from 16 million pounds to 10 million pounds in one month. We released all the duffers who were there for the fat paychecks. We called up a few players from the reserves who will get first team action threough the second half."

"Ah, and the state of the finances?"

"Not good, our Stalinist purge put us five million in the red."

"Heh, you couldn't run a meat pie stand."

"I deserve the insult Mr. Chairman, but I have my reasons for putting the club into debt."

"Such as?"

"For starters, once season ticket revenue and TV money arrive in the off-season, the finances will be in good shape. Secondly, this good young core will play together for a couple of seasons, meaning that West Ham will have an experienced team in two to three seasons that is ready to challeng the big five clubs. Thirdly, holding the line on slary adds to the bank balance and allows for flexibility when signing new pieces of the puzzle or resigning our own players."

"I see. But, the board is not happy you've put them in debt."

"No they aren't. However, they are willing to work with the debt load."

"I see. So this half-season report you're giving me is out of date?"

'Yes, it's accurate through the halfway mark of the year, but the housecleaning began shortly thereafter. It acually began with the sale of Dailly for 2.8 million and the signing of Scots wonderkind Jim Paterson for 7.2 million.

"That's alot of money to spend on one player."

"Yes sir, but it will be worth it."

"So you say. Well, we will see how February, March and April go won't we?"

"Yes Mr. Chairman, we will."

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Saturday 21st December 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2002/3 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10 Adam, Stephane 15 (2) 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.88 2 Algerino, Jimmy 13 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.69 32 Barré, Mickaël 12 (1) 0 0 0 1 2 0 0 6.54 13 Baxter, Lee 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 1 Biancarelli, André 19 0 23 0 0 0 0 0 7.32 - Bono, Grégory - - - - - - - - ---- 26 Boutal, Samuel 10 (1) 3 0 0 0 2 0 0 6.73 - Carmignani, Simon - - - - - - - - ---- - Courts, Thomas 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Creaney, Philip - - - - - - - - ---- 17 Cyprien, Jean-Pierre 11 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 6.73 - D'Amico, Denis - - - - - - - - ---- - Dureuil, Rémy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Faubert, Julien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Ferguson, Steven 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Fisher, John - - - - - - - - ---- 31 Hinchcliffe, Craig 3 0 4 0 0 0 0 0 7.00 - Howie, Willie 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 21 Huysman, Nicolas 4 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.25 12 Jackson, Chris 7 (4) 4 0 1 (1) 1 3 0 1 6.55 - Leask, Moray - - - - - - - - ---- 11 Madar, Mickaël 12 (1) 1 0 0 2 0 0 0 6.62 - Marsiglia, Mickaël 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 3 McAllister, Brian 10 0 0 0 0 2 1 0 6.50 4 McAllister, Gary 18 1 0 0 3 1 0 1 6.94 30 McGrillen, Paul 2 (1) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.33 - Mémin, Frédéric - - - - - - - - ---- - Middleton, Gary 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Migliore, Stephen - - - - - - - - ---- - Mondafu, Gabriel 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Murray, Grant 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Murray, Hugh 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - O'Donoghue, Ross 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Paterson, Jim 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Potter, Craig 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 20 Pressley, Steven 8 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 7.63 33 Rott, Yannick 11 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.82 - Sahnoun, Nicolas 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Sarrea, Vincent José - - - - - - - - ---- - Schille, Cédric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 9 Shaw, George 9 (2) 2 0 1 (1) 0 1 0 0 6.73 16 Smith, Jamie 8 (3) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.82 - Smyth, Mark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 29 Tatarian, Frédéric 11 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.36 - Thomas, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Van Reusel, Christophe 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 25 Viaud, Laurent 11 (2) 2 0 0 0 4 0 1 7.23 - Vieira, Roland - - - - - - - - ---- 5 Webster, Andy 10 0 0 0 0 3 1 1 6.50 8 Young, Scott 11 (1) 1 0 0 1 0 0 1 6.58 ************************************************** ********************************************** English Premier Division - Saturday 21st December 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2002/3 Table============================================= ================================================== =Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st Liverpool 19 9 1 1 18 3 5 2 1 15 5 45 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2nd Chelsea 18 9 1 0 18 1 2 5 1 7 5 39 3rd Arsenal 19 8 1 1 20 4 4 2 3 11 9 39 4th Man Utd 19 5 1 2 14 6 5 3 3 14 10 34 5th Birmingham 19 6 4 1 20 10 2 2 4 2 7 30 6th Blackburn 19 6 3 2 18 9 2 2 4 11 13 29 7th Newcastle 19 5 2 1 16 6 3 1 7 15 19 27 8th Southampton 19 4 3 1 15 6 2 5 4 8 14 26 9th Leeds 19 7 2 2 20 12 0 3 5 5 11 26 10th Portsmouth 18 6 3 0 15 6 1 2 6 4 11 26 11th Wolves 19 7 1 3 14 6 1 1 6 5 15 26 12th Everton 19 4 3 1 12 7 3 2 6 5 14 26 13th West Ham 19 4 3 4 10 9 3 1 4 7 14 25 14th Fulham 18 4 1 2 7 4 2 3 6 10 14 22 15th Sunderland 19 4 5 2 11 7 1 1 6 2 16 21 16th Tottenham 19 5 3 1 13 7 0 2 8 3 21 20 17th Leicester 19 3 4 1 11 8 1 1 9 5 21 17 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------18th Charlton 18 3 3 2 9 8 0 4 6 7 17 16 19th Middlesbrough 19 3 1 4 8 9 0 4 7 8 22 14 20th Cardiff 19 2 2 6 6 18 0 1 8 2 17 9 </pre>

retired_karamelkel

May 2003

"Well the good news is that we surivived the season. We finished in 14th place."

"And the bad news?"

"West Ham is in recievership. We are currently 21 million pounds in debt, not to mention the fact that the Safety Commision closed off a section of stands."

"HeHe, not doing so well are we?"

"Well sir, we surivived the year, which is all the Alliance really wanted. Furthermore, we have a good young core of players in place for coming seasons. And, if we're lucky, someone will bail us out of debt."

"Not bloody likely."

"Well, Mr. Chairman, you best hope that someone ddoes, or your shares will remain worthless."

"That's true. So what are your plans for the off-season?"

"We are going to try to add a few Frenchman with playing experience to the first team, which will add a bit of balance. We need anoother French defender, two midfielders and a forward in order to have the desired 50/50 mix."

"Sounds like a cocktail"

"In a way it is, but unfortunately, wine drinkers have prevailed in the dressing-room."

"Heh."

"I'm certainly glad I made the decison to release all the old farts at once. It put the club in debt, but the young players were able to win a few more ballgames than their elders."

"I see, so why not write up the tale for that FM Stories challenge?"

"Well sir, that challenge is out of date, and besides, no one would belive me..truth is stranger than fiction."

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Sunday 18th May 2003********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2002/3 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Allemany, Yohann - - - - - - - - ---- - Baldé, Boubacar - - - - - - - - ---- 24 Bannerman, Scott 14 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.64 32 Barré, Mickaël 17 (1) 1 0 0 1 2 0 0 6.44 13 Baxter, Lee 7 0 6 0 0 0 1 1 7.14 - Bono, Grégory - - - - - - - - ---- - Campbell, Gordon - - - - - - - - ---- 12 Carmignani, Simon 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.00 - Clarke, David 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Courts, Thomas 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Creaney, Philip - - - - - - - - ---- 26 Curren, Lee 11 2 0 0 0 3 0 0 6.64 - D'Amico, Denis - - - - - - - - ---- - Dureuil, Rémy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Faubert, Julien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 6 Ferguson, Steven 6 (4) 2 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.90 - Fisher, John - - - - - - - - ---- - Grégori, Sébastien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 31 Hinchcliffe, Craig 10 (1) 0 17 0 0 0 0 0 6.55 17 Howie, Willie 7 (1) 3 0 0 1 1 0 1 6.50 - Le Bris, Ludovic - - - - - - - - ---- - McDermott, Alan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 30 McGrillen, Paul 15 (2) 2 0 0 0 2 0 0 6.76 19 Mémin, Frédéric 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.60 - Middleton, Gary 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Migliore, Stephen - - - - - - - - ---- 18 Mondafu, Gabriel 14 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.71 - Monin, Sammy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 15 Murray, Grant 7 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 6.43 21 Murray, Hugh 4 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 6.25 - O'Donoghue, Ross 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Oroque, Jean-Marc 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 14 Paterson, Jim 22 1 0 0 8 1 0 2 7.32 - Planus, Marc 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Plessis, Guillaume - - - - - - - - ---- - Potter, Craig 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 20 Pressley, Steven 27 1 0 0 2 7 0 2 7.30 - Romao, Alexys 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 33 Rott, Yannick 16 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.69 25 Sahnoun, Nicolas 13 0 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.85 - Sarrea, Vincent José - - - - - - - - ---- - Schille, Cédric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 22 Shields, Dean 9 4 0 0 1 1 0 2 7.33 16 Smith, Jamie 26 (5) 6 0 0 3 1 0 1 6.84 - Smyth, Mark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Tordo, Sébastien - - - - - - - - ---- - Van Reusel, Christophe 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 23 Vieira, Roland 5 (1) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.50 5 Webster, Andy 28 0 0 0 1 5 1 2 6.61 8 Young, Scott 28 (3) 4 0 0 4 3 0 1 6.61 ************************************************** ********************************************** English Premier Division - Sunday 18th May 2003********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2002/3 Table============================================= ================================================== =Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st C Liverpool 38 16 2 1 32 5 9 7 3 26 12 84 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2nd Man Utd 38 13 4 2 42 14 11 4 4 30 15 80 3rd Chelsea 38 15 3 1 30 5 7 11 1 20 12 80 4th Arsenal 38 16 2 1 44 9 7 6 6 23 18 77 5th Blackburn 38 13 3 3 37 16 8 4 7 27 23 70 6th Newcastle 38 12 5 2 33 16 8 1 10 28 27 66 7th Fulham 38 14 3 2 30 12 3 4 12 14 32 58 8th Southampton 38 13 4 2 39 10 3 5 11 14 29 57 9th Birmingham 38 8 8 3 29 17 4 8 7 9 16 52 10th Portsmouth 38 10 6 3 31 17 4 4 11 13 24 52 11th Leeds 38 11 5 3 35 21 2 4 13 17 35 48 12th Everton 38 8 7 4 27 18 4 4 11 11 28 47 13th Leicester 38 8 9 2 23 13 2 4 13 11 34 43 14th West Ham 38 9 3 7 20 15 4 1 14 13 38 43 15th Sunderland 38 7 7 5 19 14 1 7 11 8 31 38 16th Wolves 38 9 2 8 19 15 2 2 15 11 38 37 17th Middlesbrough 38 7 5 7 18 20 1 6 12 12 35 35 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------18th R Charlton 38 6 6 7 18 19 1 6 12 14 33 33 19th R Tottenham 38 8 5 6 22 24 0 4 15 6 39 33 20th R Cardiff 38 2 5 12 10 34 0 2 17 7 39 13 </pre>

retired_karamelkel

Off-Season

"Well sir, we finally go the receivers out the door."

"And how do that happen?"

"The TV money and season ticket sales rolled the debt back up to "only" 10 million pounds."

"That's still a heavy debt load. How do you propose to ease it in he 03/04 season?"

"Well Mr. Chairman, we hope to finish between 10-15 place in the Premier. That, combined with a couple of good Cup runs should help. We also cut payroll down to around 10 million pounds."

"I see, and did you have to gut the roster to achive this?"

"No sir, not really. We signed a few cheap vetereans who will see some playing time on the first team. Mostly, however, we're going to be relying on youth prospects. Generally speaking, we don't have a true superstar on the roster. Smith and Presley would be rocognizable to Scottish fans, but I doubt they're known in England. As for French players, I doubt most of them are known in France."

"Ah, the debt must make it difficult to buy impact players."

"It does, but the board has authorized 3/4 of a million for transers, so we can buy youth prospects. That's the key, buying 19 and 20 year old players who only need a season or two of time in the reserves before breaking into the first team."

"Hmm, I also noctice that you've overhauled the coaching staff."

"Yes sir, we have. I hired six new coaches, three French and three Scots to rejuvinate the team. All the coavhes are able to work well with youth. It should be a fun year. Hopeully, by 04/05 West Ham should be able to start spending money on impact players. Of course, we'll take all the Bosmans we can get as well. Here is a list of the players. If they have a squad number, that means thay are on the first team squad."

"I see"

"So, Mr. Chairman, I will see you in late September."

"mmm"

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Saturday 16th August 2003********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== Squad============================================= ================================================== =No Name Position(s) Nat Born Age Caps Gls Wages Expires Value------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Allemany, Yohann SW/D C FRA 17.3.83 20 - - £40K 2.6.08 £600K - Bald, William GK SCO 22.8.83 19 - - £50K 24.6.08 £300K - Baldé, Boubacar S C FRA 11.2.86 17 - - £35K 28.6.06 £1M 19 Bannerman, Scott F LC SCO 21.3.79 24 - - £50K 3.6.08 £2.4M 3 Barré, Mickaël D LC FRA 31.8.74 28 - - £400K 7.6.06 £900K 1 Baxter, Lee GK SCO 17.6.76 27 - - £350K 17.6.06 £1.7M - Bono, Grégory D C FRA 19.3.81 22 - - £130K 17.6.07 £1.1M - Campbell, Gordon D/DM RC SCO 26.11.85 17 - - £40K 23.6.07 £575K - Carmignani, Simon D R FRA 27.1.82 21 - - £275K 28.6.06 £1.2M - Clarke, David DM LC SCO 22.6.83 20 - - £70K 27.6.08 £1.2M 22 Coridon, Charles-Edouard F RC FRA 9.4.73 30 - - £500K 1.6.06 £2.7M - Courts, Thomas D LC SCO 10.8.81 22 - - £65K 17.6.07 £1.1M - Creaney, Philip AM C SCO 12.2.83 20 - - £35K 13.6.05 £1M - Curren, Lee M C SCO 22.10.82 20 - - £55K 28.6.08 £1.2M 24 Devaux, Jean-Christophe SW/D C FRA 16.5.75 28 - - £400K 1.6.08 £1.3M - Dureuil, Rémy AM C FRA 16.5.81 22 - - £90K 28.6.06 £1.7M - Faubert, Julien D R FRA 1.8.83 20 - - £90K 21.6.05 £575K 17 Ferguson, Steven AM C SCO 18.5.77 26 - - £400K 28.6.06 £1.7M - Fisher, John D C SCO 19.1.84 19 - - £30K 28.6.05 £600K 12 Friio, David M C FRA 17.2.73 30 - - £500K 3.6.06 £1.1M - Grégori, Sébastien AM RC FRA 6.4.81 22 - - £160K 24.6.08 £1.4M - Howie, Willie AM C SCO 9.7.82 21 - - £40K 19.6.07 £1.8M 16 Keogh, Liam S C SCO 6.9.81 21 - - £500K 19.6.08 £1.5M - Le Bris, Ludovic S C FRA 21.11.84 18 - - £300K 5.6.07 £1.3M - MacDonald, Jordan D L SCO 7.9.82 20 - - £50K 19.6.08 £325K - McDermott, Alan D C IRL 22.1.82 21 - - £50K 9.6.07 £450K 20 Mémin, Frédéric AM LC FRA 13.12.79 23 - - £16K 3.6.05 £850K - Middleton, Gary F C SCO 1.10.82 20 - - £275K 25.6.05 £1.6M - Migliore, Stephen M C FRA 26.8.83 19 - - £130K 28.6.06 £1M 25 Mondafu, Gabriel S C FRA 18.5.77 26 - - £375K 26.6.07 £3.2M - Monin, Sammy GK FRA 3.11.79 23 - - £50K 10.6.08 £550K 4 Murray, Hugh M RC SCO 8.1.79 24 - - £130K 9.6.07 £1.9M 21 Murray, Neil DM RC SCO 21.2.73 30 - - £70K 16.6.06 £425K - O'Donoghue, Ross M C SCO 9.2.83 20 - - £275K 20.6.05 £1.2M 26 Paoli, Basile M C FRA 16.1.78 25 - - £400K 7.6.08 £1M 11 Paterson, Jim D/AM LC SCO 25.9.79 23 - - £575K 17.6.08 £5M - Planus, Marc D RC FRA 7.3.82 21 - - £160K 23.6.08 £1.1M - Plessis, Guillaume DM C FRA 16.1.85 18 - - £35K 28.6.06 £1.4M - Potter, Craig D/DM R SCO 12.1.80 23 - - £45K 2.6.07 £1.5M 6 Pressley, Steven D RC SCO 11.10.73 29 13 - £575K 18.6.06 £2.9M 23 Rott, Yannick D/DM L FRA 27.9.74 28 - - £475K 20.6.06 £1.4M 33 Sahnoun, Nicolas D/DM RC FRA 3.9.80 22 - - £85K 21.6.07 £1.8M - Sarrea, Vincent José SW/D C FRA 5.3.83 20 - - £30K 4.6.05 £475K 13 Schille, Cédric GK FRA 8.11.75 27 - - £350K 9.6.06 £875K - Shields, Dean S C SCO 16.9.82 20 - - £250K 5.6.08 £1.9M 27 Smith, Jamie AM/F RC SCO 20.11.78 24 2 - £400K 6.6.08 £3.2M 45 Smyth, Mark D R SCO 21.8.83 19 - - £95K 21.6.06 £1.1M - Tordo, Sébastien F RC FRA 10.1.84 19 - - £40K 5.6.07 £1.6M 28 Vieira, Roland S C FRA 16.8.79 24 - - £50K 12.6.07 £2.2M 32 Webster, Andy D C SCO 16.3.80 23 - - £425K 1.6.07 £1.2M </pre>

retired_karamelkel

September 2003

"Ok, so West Ham isn't playing all that well."

"And I'm so glad of that. What's your record?"

"There's no need to be nassty sir. Our record is 2 wins, 2 draws and 3 losses- good for 10th place."

"Ah, but you were in the relegation zone were you not?"

"Yeah well, we had a ton of injuries to start off the season. The Thurdays practice before Opening Day saw four starters get injured. We're just now beginning to round into form."

"I see, but the finances are not good."

"No Mr. Chairman, they are not. West Ham is still nearly 9 million pounds in debt, but your board brethren have kindly put in 1.2 million into the coffers."

"Have they, I must have a talk with them. They are clearly being irresponsible."

"We are trying to prove that the Alliance can field a competitive team in the Prem. The debt has cause us more than you may realize. We lost a chance to get both Mark Kerr and Gary O'Conner because we couldn't afford the bids."

"Heh"

"So, yes, sir, we are not the brest right now. I am confident we can turn things around."

I'll be hoping that you Alliance bastards are relegated."

"Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but any more lip and you'll be elected an FMS mod."

"Huh, what?"

"You heard me right sir, a FMS mod. It's a thankless job, dealing with complaints and idiots. It's worse than house arrest."

"Really"

"Yeah, if you were a mod, you'd gain an appreciation of your freedom if you had to do that job."

"mmm"

"At any rate, see you in November."

"It won't be a pleasure"

"Well sir, I wasn't intending for it to be."

retired_swmchick2006

Enjoying this one a lot hick. :thup:

retired_karamelkel

Cheers Attjen

November 2003

"HA HA HA"

"It's not funny sir"

"Yes it is. That threat was nothing. I could handle all those geeks."

"Maybe, until you met PM or Charlie."

"Who's Charlie?"

"An alias."

"So sad. Some people just don't have lives."

Anyway sir, I didn't come here to talk about FMS. I came to talk about West Ham."

"I know you did, I'm still thier chairman after all. I also know the prognosis is not good and I don't want to hear it."

"Really, I would have thought it would give you cause for joy."

"Uusually yes, but not when the club is 11 million pounds in debt."

"Well sir, that's just the finances."

"eh?"

"It's worse that that. First, the Health Ispector closed down another section of stand."

"Did they, what's the capacity?

"A bit over 28,000."

"We did better in Divsion One."

"Yes sir, but we had money back then."

"Yes, what else is wrong?"

"The practice facilities are crumbling, just like Upton Park and some prima donnas are whining."

"So get rid of them. You put yourself into the mess."

"Yes sir I did, but I thought things would improve."

"Evidently it hasn't."

"No it hasn't and now I have to hope that the Alliance find another chairman who can clear the slate."

"I won't miss you."

"Likewise Mr. Chairman, by the way, our record is five wins, two draws and nine losses, which is good for 15th place in the Prem."

"I relish your struggles."

"May I just say sir, that U hope you die a painful death? See you in January."

retired_karamelkel

January 2004

"Well, it's been rather up and down for us lately."

"How so?"

"The mid-season report will show that we were stuck in the relegation zone at that point."

"You're not still there?"

"Was that a note of glee in your voice sir?"

"So what if it was?"

"Remember, I can always stick you back under house arrest..."

"I see"

But, the answer to your question is no, we are no longer in the relegation zone. We are in 14th place with an 8 win 4 draw and 12 loss record."

"Medicore"

"Yes Mr. Chairman, it is. However, it is better than being in danger of dropping from the Prem."

"Why would that be?"

"Because most of our stars have a cluase in thier contracts that will make them free agents if West Ham is relegated."

"And why would you allow such a thing?"

"Simple, one: I figure we won't be relegated. Two, if we are, then it automatically cuts the payroll and three, it keeps the superstars from wrecking the clubhouse."

"I see."

"Its worth the risk and it''s a powerful incentive to join the club. In fact, we have seven Bosman signings lined up for the summer already."

"Seven?"

"Yeah. Three French youth prospects, one French first-teamer and three Scots first-teamers."

"Anyone famous in the group?"

"No, not really. Probably the most well-known are Gavin Rae of Rangers and Dundee icon Barry Smith."

"Ah"

"But the most important signing is likely to be prospect Sebastian Grax- a 19 yr old with a golden scoring touch. Lord knows, we need to upgrade the offense. Towards that end, we are trying to land Cisse from Auxterre- the 22 yr old has been capped five times for France and is a world-class taltent. Unfortunately, a couple of big Bundsliga cubs are intrested as well, so there's probably no chance of landing him."


"Never hurts to try."

"No sir, it doesn't. I wish that we could clear up this 12 million dollar debt, but that doesn't seem likely."

"Well, that's your own faualt."

"Yes it is, and I should have anticipated the debt getting worse, not better. But I didn't and now I hope a new chairman comes in soon."

"Well, I hope you rot in hell with your Alliance partners."

"Thank you for your honesty Mr. Chairman. Upton Park is clearly head that way, greased as it was by good intentions. See you in March."

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Saturday 20th December 2003********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2003/4 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Allemany, Yohann - - - - - - - - ---- 50 Bald, William - - - - - - - - ---- - Baldé, Boubacar - - - - - - - - ---- 19 Bannerman, Scott 12 (1) 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 6.46 3 Barré, Mickaël 5 0 0 0 0 2 1 1 6.60 1 Baxter, Lee 10 0 10 0 0 0 0 2 6.80 - Bono, Grégory - - - - - - - - ---- - Campbell, Gordon - - - - - - - - ---- - Carmignani, Simon 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 22 Coridon, Charles-Edouard 16 (2) 7 0 0 1 2 0 2 7.00 - Courts, Thomas 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Creaney, Philip - - - - - - - - ---- - Curren, Lee 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 24 Devaux, Jean-Christophe 11 (1) 2 0 0 0 3 0 0 6.67 - Dureuil, Rémy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Faubert, Julien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 17 Ferguson, Steven 3 (4) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.29 - Fisher, John - - - - - - - - ---- 12 Friio, David 9 (1) 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 6.60 - Grégori, Sébastien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Hind, David 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 14 Howie, Willie 8 (1) 2 0 0 3 0 0 1 6.67 16 Keogh, Liam 8 (3) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.64 - Le Bris, Ludovic - - - - - - - - ---- - MacDonald, Jordan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 20 Mémin, Frédéric 8 (3) 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 6.55 - Middleton, Gary 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Migliore, Stephen - - - - - - - - ---- 25 Mondafu, Gabriel 11 (1) 2 0 0 1 2 0 0 6.92 - Monin, Sammy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 4 Murray, Hugh 6 (2) 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 6.38 21 Murray, Neil 14 (1) 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.80 - Nicol, Kevin 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - O'Donoghue, Ross 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 26 Paoli, Basile 4 (4) 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 6.63 11 Paterson, Jim 17 (1) 1 0 0 2 2 0 0 7.11 - Planus, Marc 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Plessis, Guillaume - - - - - - - - ---- 6 Pressley, Steven 11 1 0 0 0 5 1 0 7.09 23 Rott, Yannick 3 (1) 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 7.00 33 Sahnoun, Nicolas 9 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 6.44 - Sarrea, Vincent José - - - - - - - - ---- 13 Schille, Cédric 10 0 17 0 0 0 0 0 7.40 - Shields, Dean 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 27 Smith, Jamie 14 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 6.71 45 Smyth, Mark 12 1 0 1 (1) 1 0 1 1 6.67 - Tordo, Sébastien - - - - - - - - ---- 28 Vieira, Roland 7 (3) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.70 - Walker, Stephen 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 32 Webster, Andy 12 0 0 1 (0) 0 2 0 1 6.83 ************************************************** ********************************************** English Premier Division - Saturday 20th December 2003********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2003/4 Table============================================= ================================================== =Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st Liverpool 19 6 2 1 16 4 6 3 1 14 8 41 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2nd Chelsea 17 5 3 0 11 2 7 0 2 19 6 39 3rd Arsenal 18 6 2 0 21 8 4 1 5 11 11 33 4th Leicester 19 7 0 2 15 3 3 1 6 10 14 31 5th Birmingham 19 5 3 1 13 7 2 6 2 7 6 30 6th Man Utd 18 6 1 1 10 3 3 1 6 12 17 29 7th Southampton 19 5 2 2 12 7 3 2 5 9 12 28 8th Portsmouth 18 7 0 3 20 13 2 1 5 7 13 28 9th Newcastle 19 4 2 3 19 9 2 6 2 14 15 26 10th Bolton 19 5 2 2 17 9 2 2 6 8 19 25 11th Everton 19 6 1 3 21 15 2 0 7 6 19 25 12th Middlesbrough 19 5 2 3 16 12 2 2 5 6 18 25 13th Fulham 19 6 3 1 11 4 1 1 7 5 20 25 14th Leeds 19 5 2 3 19 10 2 1 6 11 15 24 15th Blackburn 17 4 2 3 15 10 3 1 4 10 13 24 16th Blackpool 18 5 1 4 16 13 1 2 5 8 13 21 17th Sunderland 19 4 1 5 9 11 2 1 6 4 16 20 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------18th West Ham 19 3 3 4 12 13 2 1 6 8 14 19 19th Wolves 19 0 3 6 3 17 4 1 5 10 17 16 20th Man City 19 3 1 6 11 15 0 3 6 6 21 13 </pre>

retired_karamelkel

March 2004

"This will be a quick conversation sir."

"So much the better."

"West Ham are 17th with 8 wins, 7 draws and 15 losses."

"Ah and the bad news?"

"The club is 13 million pounds in debt."

"Is it and what else has happened?"

"Well Mr. Chairman, we pulled off a coup. We were in dire straits with regard to our forwards. Well we signed D. Cisse."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what made him finally agree to terms, but he is a substantial upgrade at the forward position."

"I say."

"That signing gives me hope that next season will see us move up to the single digits in the standings. See you at the end of the season."