Educated Hick

January 2002

“You’re a bit early this month.”

“Yes sir, I am.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to inform you Mr. Brown, that you are the last non-Alliance staffer or player to be associated with West Ham. We have just sold Etherington to Leicester.”

“Should I be frightened by this news?”

“No, Mr. Chairman, you shouldn’t. Unfortunately, we can’t get rid of you, either publicly or privately.”

“Ah good.”

“But, you will remain out of sight and under arrest until the team makes back to the Premier Division.”

“And, how long might that be?”

“Could be as early as July sir. West Ham are now in the playoff hunt, sitting in 5th place.”

“So, now it’s in my best interest to hope West Ham under your regime does well?”

Yes, we like that.”

“Bastard.”

“Yup, we are. The Alliance is determined to take over the Premier, and Europe too, if we can manage it.”

“Robert the Bruce and Napoleon in one? You’re mad,”

“We simply aim to be longer-lasting than the Scottish colony of Caledonia.”

“I don’t understand your reference.”

“Spend the next month reading Scottish history. See you in late February.”

Spav

Perhaps this would be a bit sparse in terms of a standard story, but for the sake of recording the achievements of an FMS Challenge it makes for good reading. KUTGW :thup:

Educated Hick

Cheers Spav

February 2002

“I wouldn’t have believed it possible.”

“Believed what Mr. Chairman?”

“That your team of bastard mercenaries could be in second placee.”

“Ah, yes, we are, with a record of 20 wins, 8 ties and 6 losses.

“How can that be possible?”

“Very simple sir, our French players now speak the King’s English. In addition, most of the members of the first team are veterans trying to hang onto their jobs. We’ve already sold off a number of Alliance players simply to cut payroll. The most notable of those deals was sending Hutchinson to Southampton for 2M pounds.“

“I see. I never thought it would work, but you’ve managed it somehow.”

“Thank you sir, given your previous comments, that is high praise. But, we’re still keeping you under house arrest.”

“Why?”

“As an Englishman, you are a liability and embarrassment to the Alliance.”

“I see.”

“So, we’ll keep you here. If it’s any colsolation, we’ll let you free if we can ever find a French or Scottish CEO.”

“Ok, I can’t really complain too much about my treatment,”

“We do try to be civilized, we’re not barbarians at the gate- not yet anyway.”

gil

Very nice story, like the style :thup:

vigi

HAHA This is good KUTGW :thup:

Educated Hick

Cheers, it's always good to know that people are reading.


March 2002

"Well Mr. Chairman, there are only six games left in the season."

"Really? I hadn't nocticed."

"There's no need for sarcasm sir."

"And why not?"

"Because the Alliance will release you if West Ham make the Prem next season as you well know."

"Your house arrest has dulled my memory, refresh it, what is West Ham's record?"

"We are second in Divsion One with 22 wins, 11 draws and 7 losses."

"Ah, and who have you gotten rid of this month?"

"We sold a couple of players, Butter and Meyerlou on frees. If you give a player away for free, you're no longer liable for the player's contract."

"I see, and who have you accquired?"

"A couple of Scottish youth prospects. We're more interested in getting rid of the players who are in their mid-30s right now. They won't be able to provide much help next year and it would be too expensive to release them. So, we give them away."

"Not a bad idea actually."

"It works because alot of those players came to us as free agents, costing us only a signing bomus."

"I see."

"Yeah, at any rate, unless we lose our winning form in the next six games we should be promoted next season. It's been a pleasure knowing you Mr. Chairman. With any luck, this will be our last conversation."

"It's not been a pleasure knowing you."

"Likewise sir."

Raptor

Refreshingly quick challenge story Bryan, good work so far :thup:

Educated Hick

Cheers Mark

May 2002

The manager stepped out of the elevator, waited for the doors to close and taped a note onto the slick metal.

"Dear Mr. Chairman,

If you read this, then you realize we have set you free. West Ham will be playing in the Premier in the 02/03 season. To be honest, the Alliance was not sure that West Ham would make it. Since our last conversation in late March, the team went into a late-season swoon and finished fourth in the regular season. The first playoff game was against Norwich. They won in the first leg 2-0. Elimination seemed assured and we went back to Upton Park with heavy hearts. However, in our best game of the season. West Ham scored 4 goals and got a hat-trick from Boutal to shock Norwich and advance to the playoff final. West Ham then dispatched West Bromwich Albion 3-1. In June, several older players will be leaving. We also had to cancel the Bosman on Gary Smith as he tore his ACL. So, you see, we achieved our first objective. Now, it's time to start prreparing for West Ham's Alliance assult on the Premier. "

The manager walked down the opulant hallway. The Alliance had spared no expense in keeping the Chairman comfortable in his house arrest. The manager reached the door of the apartment and quietly unlocked the door. He then turned and headed down the stairs at the other end of the hall. He had things to do and horizons to visit.

Educated Hick

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Thursday 30th May 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2001/2 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------26 Algerino, Jimmy 2 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 7.50 14 Barré, Mickaël 8 0 0 0 0 2 0 1 6.38 1 Baxter, Lee 5 0 9 0 0 0 0 0 7.20 13 Biancarelli, André 39 0 31 0 0 0 1 2 7.26 24 Bouger, Bernard 26 (2) 5 0 0 3 1 0 3 7.36 8 Boutal, Samuel 32 (9) 16 0 0 2 1 0 2 7.15 - Brevett, Rufus - - - - - - - - ---- - Carmignani, Simon - - - - - - - - ---- 4 Casanova, Laurent 2 (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.25 25 Cleland, Alec 26 2 0 0 3 1 0 0 6.85 - Creaney, Philip - - - - - - - - ---- 18 Cyprien, Jean-Pierre 25 (1) 1 0 0 2 2 0 0 6.73 - D'Amico, Denis - - - - - - - - ---- 6 Dailly, Christian 47 2 0 0 3 7 0 2 6.91 - Dureuil, Rémy 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Faubert, Julien 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- - Fisher, John - - - - - - - - ---- 33 Gravelaine, Xavier 26 (4) 10 0 2 (2) 2 1 1 2 7.07 35 Huysman, Nicolas 14 (4) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.28 22 Inglis, John 15 (2) 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.82 29 Jackson, Chris 9 (3) 2 0 0 1 0 0 1 7.17 - Leask, Moray - - - - - - - - ---- 17 Madar, Mickaël 11 (5) 4 0 0 2 1 0 1 7.00 38 Marsiglia, Mickaël 7 (3) 0 0 0 2 2 0 0 6.50 20 McAllister, Brian 37 0 0 0 2 7 0 2 7.05 7 McAllister, Gary 31 (2) 2 0 0 6 2 0 0 6.73 9 McGrillen, Paul 1 (2) 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.67 34 McKnight, Paul 3 (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.20 - Mémin, Frédéric - - - - - - - - ---- 31 Middleton, Gary 1 (1) 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.50 - Migliore, Stephen - - - - - - - - ---- 10 Mondafu, Gabriel 3 (2) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 7.00 - Murray, Hugh 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 12 O'Donoghue, Ross 7 (1) 3 0 0 0 0 0 2 6.63 30 Pierre, Pascal 13 (1) 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6.29 - Potter, Craig 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 3 Rott, Yannick 11 1 0 0 0 3 0 0 7.00 - Sarrea, Vincent José - - - - - - - - ---- 16 Schille, Cédric 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 28 Shaw, George 32 (1) 9 0 1 (1) 2 0 0 1 7.18 2 Tatarian, Frédéric 12 (1) 0 0 0 1 1 1 0 6.38 5 Thétis, Manuel 10 1 0 0 0 1 0 0 6.50 32 Thomas, Kevin 1 (1) 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 7.00 - Van Reusel, Christophe 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 ---- 40 Viaud, Laurent 34 2 0 0 4 11 0 1 7.06 19 Young, Scott 19 5 0 0 3 1 0 2 7.32 ************************************************** ********************************************** English First Division - Thursday 30th May 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2001/2 Table============================================= ================================================== =Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st C Sunderland 46 19 2 2 55 15 8 10 5 29 31 93 2nd P Cardiff 46 18 3 2 59 27 8 7 8 37 37 88 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------3rd Derby 46 15 4 4 45 22 11 6 6 31 29 88 4th P West Ham 46 15 4 4 29 12 10 8 5 35 28 87 5th Norwich 46 15 4 4 32 17 9 7 7 42 41 83 6th W.B.A. 46 17 3 3 47 15 7 4 12 33 39 79 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------7th Millwall 46 17 2 4 49 29 7 4 12 33 40 78 8th Wigan 46 14 3 6 41 30 9 3 11 26 28 75 9th Nottm Forest 46 13 6 4 37 20 7 6 10 24 29 72 10th Watford 46 12 5 6 59 47 7 5 11 33 44 67 11th Stoke 46 11 8 4 35 25 7 5 11 25 35 67 12th Crystal Palace 46 11 9 3 48 33 7 2 14 28 44 65 13th Burnley 46 12 7 4 42 26 4 9 10 39 53 64 14th Sheff Utd 46 10 8 5 37 25 6 3 14 33 48 59 15th Reading 46 12 3 8 41 32 2 9 12 26 43 54 16th Bradford 46 11 4 8 40 35 3 8 12 28 43 54 17th Ipswich 46 7 9 7 37 38 6 5 12 34 44 53 18th Rotherham 46 12 6 5 36 26 1 7 15 20 42 52 19th Gillingham 46 8 8 7 33 30 4 4 15 18 34 48 20th Walsall 46 8 6 9 41 41 5 3 15 26 52 48 21st Coventry 46 6 5 12 25 26 6 4 13 37 43 45 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------22nd R Crewe 46 8 6 9 44 42 4 2 17 28 53 44 23rd R Preston 46 10 3 10 43 36 2 3 18 19 51 42 24th R Wimbledon 46 4 6 13 28 50 3 0 20 15 52 27 </pre>

Educated Hick

Off Season

Internal Alliance Memo

West Ham are in good shape financially. The manager did not spend much on transers in the off-season. The players he did accquire were mostly youth prospects that are one or two seasons away from contributing to the first team. Most of the older veterans remain, despite our best attempts to force them to retire. Once the veterans leave, the manager intends to call up a few more players from the reserves to fill thier slots. We have just finished traing camp and are preparing to play or first Premier League game under the Alliance regime. Enclosed is a squad list. Only the first team have been issused uniform numbers.

The fans are umpatient for a title, but the Alliance board belive that it would be an achievment just to stay at this level. Therefore, our plans are to avoid relegation. Then we anticipate mid-table finishes the next two seasons. Then, having buit a hung tranfer fund chest, we will aggressively challenge the top teams in year 3 or 4.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">********************************************* ************************************************** * West Ham United - Wednesday 7th August 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== Squad============================================= ================================================== =No Name Position(s) Nat Born Age Caps Gls Wages Expires Value-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10 Adam, Stephane S C FRA 15.5.69 33 - - £850K 1.6.04 £975K 2 Algerino, Jimmy D RC FRA 28.10.71 30 - - £575K 17.6.05 £1.5M 32 Barré, Mickaël D LC FRA 31.8.74 27 - - £400K 7.6.06 £750K - Baxter, Lee GK SCO 17.6.76 26 - - £350K 17.6.06 £1.6M 1 Biancarelli, André GK FRA 11.3.70 32 - - £575K 17.6.06 £1.8M - Bono, Grégory D C FRA 19.3.81 21 - - £130K 17.6.07 £475K 27 Bouger, Bernard F LC FRA 9.1.70 32 - - £220K 7.6.04 £900K 26 Boutal, Samuel F RC FRA 22.11.69 32 - - £475K 28.5.04 £1.4M - Carmignani, Simon D R FRA 27.1.82 20 - - £275K 28.6.06 £1M 28 Cleland, Alec D R SCO 10.12.70 31 - - £375K 17.6.04 £725K - Courts, Thomas D LC SCO 10.8.81 20 - - £65K 17.6.07 £425K - Creaney, Philip AM C SCO 12.2.83 19 - - £35K 13.6.05 £1.3M 17 Cyprien, Jean-Pierre D C FRA 12.2.69 33 1 - £575K 17.6.05 £0 - D'Amico, Denis D/DM L FRA 19.4.83 19 - - £160K 28.6.05 £675K 6 Dailly, Christian D/DM C SCO 23.10.73 28 35 2 £825K 1.6.05 £3.2M - Dureuil, Rémy AM C FRA 16.5.81 21 - - £90K 28.6.06 £1.3M - Faubert, Julien D R FRA 1.8.83 19 - - £90K 21.6.05 £625K - Ferguson, Steven AM C SCO 18.5.77 25 - - £400K 28.6.06 £525K - Fisher, John D C SCO 19.1.84 18 - - £30K 28.6.05 £600K 7 Gravelaine, Xavier F RC FRA 5.10.68 33 4 - £650K 28.6.04 £0 31 Hinchcliffe, Craig GK SCO 5.5.72 30 - - £5K 7.6.06 £350K - Howie, Willie AM C SCO 9.7.82 20 - - £40K 19.6.07 £600K 21 Huysman, Nicolas M LC FRA 9.2.68 34 - - £375K 23.6.04 £0 12 Jackson, Chris M C SCO 29.10.73 28 - - £375K 13.6.06 £1.2M - Leask, Moray S C SCO 2.10.79 22 - - £180K 28.6.06 £1.9M 11 Madar, Mickaël S C FRA 8.5.68 34 3 1 £625K 23.6.04 £0 - Marsiglia, Mickaël M C FRA 25.12.75 26 - - £400K 23.6.06 £1.8M 3 McAllister, Brian D LC SCO 30.11.70 31 3 - £550K 17.6.05 £925K 4 McAllister, Gary M C SCO 25.12.64 37 57 5 £950K 28.6.04 £0 30 McGrillen, Paul F LC SCO 19.8.71 30 - - £375K 27.6.05 £1.2M - Mémin, Frédéric AM LC FRA 13.12.79 22 - - £16K 3.6.05 £850K - Middleton, Gary F C SCO 1.10.82 19 - - £275K 25.6.05 £1.9M - Migliore, Stephen M C FRA 26.8.83 18 - - £130K 28.6.06 £650K - Mondafu, Gabriel S C FRA 18.5.77 25 - - £375K 26.6.07 £2M - Murray, Grant D/DM RC SCO 29.8.75 26 - - £450K 6.6.07 £950K - Murray, Hugh M RC SCO 8.1.79 23 - - £130K 9.6.07 £1.7M - O'Donoghue, Ross M C SCO 9.2.83 19 - - £275K 20.6.05 £1.6M - Potter, Craig D/DM R SCO 12.1.80 22 - - £45K 2.6.07 £1M 33 Rott, Yannick D/DM L FRA 27.9.74 27 - - £475K 20.6.06 £1.2M - Sahnoun, Nicolas D/DM RC FRA 3.9.80 21 - - £85K 21.6.07 £725K - Sarrea, Vincent José SW/D C FRA 5.3.83 19 - - £30K 4.6.05 £600K - Schille, Cédric GK FRA 8.11.75 26 - - £350K 9.6.06 £775K 9 Shaw, George S C SCO 10.2.69 33 - - £375K 25.5.04 £0 - Smyth, Mark D R SCO 21.8.83 18 - - £95K 21.6.06 £875K 29 Tatarian, Frédéric SW/D/DM RC FRA 30.12.70 31 - - £450K 8.6.05 £750K 5 Thétis, Manuel D C FRA 5.11.71 30 - - £375K 17.6.04 £625K - Thomas, Kevin F RC SCO 25.4.75 27 - - £375K 25.6.06 £2.2M - Van Reusel, Christophe D/DM RLC FRA 18.2.83 19 - - £130K 10.6.05 £1M 25 Viaud, Laurent DM C FRA 8.10.69 32 - - £375K 28.6.04 £1M 8 Young, Scott M C SCO 5.4.77 25 - - £375K 28.6.07 £1.3M </pre>