BobBev

Cheers Amaroq

As the season moved on past the halfway mark Fergus’s team of misfits and cast-offs continued to confound all expectations. The ever-resourceful Alan Gracey even managed to secure additional players to boost the squad and cover for injuries. 21-year-old midfielder Chris Patterson and 22-year-old Mark Vernon both joined from Premiership side Cliftonville and keeper Wayne Jenkins, a mere kid at 25, was captured from Newry with all three coming in on free transfers.

Their football wasn’t always pretty but it was usually effective, the core of grizzled old pros working well with the enthusiastic youngsters, and the wins just kept on coming. Few performances reached the heights of their 6-1 win at Wakehurst in which top scorer Mark Craig scored four times, but even the scrambled wins were still worth three points. At the start of February they suffered their first league defeat of the season, the 3-0 reverse at QUB being a poor reflection of the balance of play. They also lost goal machine Craig and with the pundits predicting that the bubble would burst the 200 diehard Enniskillen ultras that flocked to their home games feared the worst but their team bounced back with two wins on the spin.

By the end of March the Rangers had suffered just one further defeat and still sat at the top of the table and the proud manager and his faithful assistant were making plans for the next match.

“Right then Fergus, you know that the game on Saturday is a big one?”

“I sure do Al – we’ve got a five point lead now and if we win this one then we’ll be eight points clear with just two games to play and I believe that means that we would win the league.”

“Spot on Fergus. You’ve been doing your homework I can see.”

“I sure have Al. Once you explained to me about the three points for a win thing and told me how many games we played in a season it all kind of fell into place.”

“So you’re looking forward to the match then?”

“I certainly am.”

“And you know that it’s an away game?”

“I do – I’ve already booked Billy Murphy’s minibus and stocked up with a crate of Guinness for the journey. I can’t wait Al – just imagine seeing my team take the title in my first season in charge. I might even watch a bit of the game. Ah, what the hell, I’m going to watch the entire match from the digdown”.

“The dugout” his assistant corrected him.

“Aye, the dugout, that’s what I meant”.

“But there’s one thing I bet you don’t know.”

“What’s that Al?”

“I bet that you don’t actually know who we’re playing.”

“Course I do Al.”

“You do?” Gracey’s sceptical look spoke volumes.

Fergus was frantically searching through a carrier bag stuffed full of various scraps of paper. “Well, I will do just as soon as I can find that fixture list that you gave me a few months back. Ah, here it is. Let’s see, Saturday 31st March 2007, Enniskillen Rangers are playing at…”. He paused, mouth agape, nostrils flaring and eyes rapidly blinking.

“Yes, Enniskillen Rangers are playing at…” said Gracey expectantly.

Fergus croaked a few unintelligible words.

“Sorry Fergus, I didn’t quite catch that.

“PSNI” he whispered. “Oh feck!”

BobBev

There was precious little room in the back of Billy Murphy’s minibus, what with it being a twelve-seater that was currently transporting the 14-man Enniskillen Rangers first team squad, the manager, the sponge man and three Enniskillen ultras whose own transportation had broken down before they had even managed to get out of the football club’s car park. As a consequence Fergus was finding it quite a challenge to balance his crate of Guinness on his lap and at the same time apply the false beard that he hoped would hide his true identity from the sharp-eyed denizens of the Police Service of Northern Ireland.

“Fergus, I’m not sure that this is such a good idea after all” said his assistant manager, an uncertain tone in his voice.

But fortified with his favourite tipple, or his liquid confidence as he liked to think of it, Fergus was adamant. “No Al, I’m going through with it. I promised you and the lads that I’d be there and I can only imagine how gutted they would be if I broke my word. Remember what happened when I didn’t go to our home game against the rozzers – a 0-0 draw and we were lucky to get nil!”

“Well I sure as hell hope that your disguise works. I’d hate to think how it would affect the team if they saw you being carted off to the slammer at half time.”

“Al, I’m a master of illusion me. Don’t worry about it. And if any of the PSNI lot ask who I am remember what I told you to say.”

“That you are Professor Lazlo Snazniek, the renowned Hungarian mind coach – how could I forget. I hope this bluidy well works Fergus, I really do.”

BobBev

The jangling of the warder’s keys echoed eerily around the enclosed corridor of the Antrim Road Police station in Belfast as the unsmiling custodian opened the cell door and allowed Alan Gracey to step inside. Fergus sat hunched on the thin mattress that barely covered the metal bed bolted to one wall. The Enniskillen manager was sporting a spectacular black eye that was already taking on a variety of shades of blue, purple, red and yellow. His false beard had long since vanished, thrown into the air in triumph when the final whistle had blown. Gracey looked at his manager for what seemed like an eternity before his face split into a huge grin. Fergus leapt up from his bed, yelling “Champions, Champions” as the two men embraced and performed a victory dance all around the tiny cell.

“Fergus, you absolute eejit – what the hell were you thinking of, throwing your beard away like that?”

“Sure Al, I just got carried away with all the excitement – wasn’t it a fantastic match? What with us scoring twice in the first ten minutes and then them getting a goal back just before half time and then us missing a penalty and then them scoring again but the referee disallowing it and then us scoring the third near the end” he uttered in one long breathless sentence. “I just couldn’t help meself Al – the bluidy thing had been itching away all afternoon and anyway, it was sodden with Guinness and I’d lost half of me pork scratchings in there as well.”

“I understand Fergus. And you know what, you’d have gotten away with it and all if you hadn’t ran over to their bench and done yer bluidy daft Riverdance jiggy thing. That’s when one of the coppers recognised you.”

“Aye, that was me big mistake, no doubting it. But at least I put up a fight, eh Al?”

“What, screaming ‘You’ll never take me alive you Garda scum’. No wonder they decked you one.”

“I’ll have the buggers for assault, that’s what I’ll do.”

“Aye, maybe, but first of all we need to get you out of here and back to Enniskillen. Billy Murphy and the lads have long gone but I asked him to find someone to come and fetch us and I’ve got the club lawyer on the phone so he’s working on a bail application. He reckons that forging a few cheques isn’t too serious and if we can clear all the unpaid fines that you’ve accumulated over the years and raise the deposit for the bail bondsman then we should be OK.”

The two men were silent for a moment. “Right” said Fegus, breaking the quiet. “Well we might as well have a seat then and see if they’ll organise us a cup of tea. It’s the least they can do for the new Champions.”

Mark Snellink

Excellent. I'm loving this story

When did you sign the club lawyer btw?

BobBev

Artistic license Mark

Fergus and Gracey finally arrived back at Enniskillen late the next evening after the club had scraped enough cash together to meet the conditions of Fergus’s release. The two men were fortunate that the club’s sponsors were persuaded to make a contribution and also to provide transportation back to the football club. They were less fortunate that the said conveyance turned out to be one of Flannery’s spare hearses, Gracey drawing the short straw and being forced to ride in the back as there wasn’t enough room in the front seat. And as Fergus said, “You can’t have the manager of the newly crowned Champions of the Irish Football League Intermediate Second Division coming home in triumph in the back of a bluidy old hearse.”

The final two games of the season proved to be quite an anticlimax, a draw and a defeat providing a disappointingly low-key finale. But that failed to dampen the spirits of the Enniskillen management team and the playing staff as they took stock of a triumphant season.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Pos | Inf | Team | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | C | ENNISKILLEN | 22 | 11 | 8 | 3 | 38 | 21 | +17 | 41 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | P | Oxford Utd Stars | 22 | 11 | 2 | 9 | 38 | 28 | +10 | 35 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Annagh Utd | 22 | 10 | 5 | 7 | 35 | 31 | +4 | 35 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Donegal Celtic | 22 | 10 | 4 | 8 | 48 | 32 | +16 | 34 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Chimney Corner | 22 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 39 | 35 | +4 | 32 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Dergview | 22 | 7 | 10 | 5 | 25 | 24 | +1 | 31 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 7th | | PSNI | 22 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 36 | 34 | +2 | 30 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 8th | | Brantwood | 22 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 25 | 32 | -7 | 28 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 9th | | QUB | 22 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 35 | 33 | +2 | 27 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10th | | Wakehurst | 22 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 35 | 48 | -13 | 27 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 11th | R | Dundela | 22 | 5 | 5 | 12 | 17 | 38 | -21 | 20 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 12th | R | Lurgan Celtic | 22 | 3 | 9 | 10 | 23 | 38 | -15 | 18 | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>
Fergus hosted a raucous end of season celebration in his office and never before had The Corner Bar seen so many customers. The singing and dancing continued long into the night and the next day the players began their official summer break. Fergus was intent on basking in the glory of his team’s achievements and it was left to Gracey to give some thought to the new season ahead. The entire playing staff had been signed up on 12-month contracts, all of which were due to expire at the end of June. If action wasn’t taken quickly then the club would find itself in exactly the same situation it had faced less than a year ago – an empty playing roster that would have to be filled from scratch. Only this time they would be facing life in the First Division and if they didn’t get their act together then they faced a season of struggle and inevitable relegation.

BobBev

Season Two

It was the day before Enniskillen Rangers were due to begin their competitive playing programme in the Intermediate Cup and Fergus had summoned Gracey to his Corner Bar office for a planning meeting.

“Right then Al, you know that over the summer I’ve been working hard on developing my long term blueprint for the club so I’ve been happy to leave you to get on with sorting out the playing staff. How has that worked out?”

“Well Fergus, there was a lot to be done as you know. Most of the older lads have decided that another season out on the pitch was beyond them, myself included. Eamonn Kavanagh and Mickey Donnelly were the exceptions and they’ve both signed up for another year but they’ll probably focus more on the coaching. As well as those two I decided that Stephen Johnston, Ryan McKennon, Chris Patterson, Mark Vernon, Mark Craig, David Dillon, Billy Garnon, Paddy Glasgow, Padraig Gollogley, Connor Gregg and Wayne Jenkins had all done enough to be offered new contracts. I’ve also signed up 8 new players, all of them on free transfers. The new lads are Joe McDonnell, a 19-year-old keeper from Brantwood; Lee Nelson, 18-year-old defender from Dromore Arms; Ricky Cathcart, 24-year-old defender from Dundela; John Mulholland, 26-year-old keeper from QUB; Mark Liddell, 18-year-old defender from Nortel; Stephen McNamee, 33-year-old forward from Barn United; David Hutchinson, 26-year-old forward from Donegal Celtic and Chris McVarnock, 23-year-old striker from QUB. So that gives us 21 registered players – not much strength in depth but it’s the best we can do.”

“Sounds good Al. I’ve not been idle myself – in fact I’ve got a pretty big bit of news for you. Today for the first time I can reveal the formation of the Enniskillen Rangers Youth Academy. In an exclusive deal I have arranged for the Tattygare Primary School first eleven to train at the Enniskillen Road Ground every Saturday that we don’t have a home game.”

“Tattygare Primary School, eh. Let’s see, the lads there would be what, eight or nine years old, is that right?”

“Some are as old as eleven actually.”

“So we probably shouldn’t expect much in the way of new talent appearing on the books for another five or six years then.”

“No need to sound so sarcastic Al. You need to take the long view. This is just the start of a whole host of initiatives designed to make this football cub part of the local community. In years to come we’ll have first call on the talent pool of most of County Fermanagh, believe me.”

“I’ll take your word for it Fergus but if you don’t mind I’ll continue to go fishing in the free transfer pool for the time being.”

BobBev

The surprise package of Irish football began the new season in much the same way as they had ended the last and four wins and a draw saw Enniskillen Rangers emerge as comfortable group winners in the Intermediate Cup. They faced eventual winners Armagh in the Semi-Final and took them all the way to penalties after a 2-2 draw only to lose the shootout. They showed the same kind of form in the league and after half a dozen games they remained unbeaten, three wins and three draws seeing them on top of the table on goal difference.

The relationship between Fergus and his right hand man continued to be fractious but, like Brian Clough and Peter Taylor, there was a certain chemistry between them that produced results despite the friction that was always present under the surface. Fergus was quite content to leave all of the playing matters to Gracey, recognising that his assistant had a shrewd eye for the game and a fine grasp of how to squeeze the best out of the players tactically. In spite of his many failings Fergus remained a charismatic figure and his presence on matchdays somehow seemed to inspire his team further. The fact that the manager was rarely seen at a training session merely seemed to add to his mystique, the players almost feeling that he was a lucky charm who showed up when a game was played to lend his aura to the team.

By Christmas Enniskillen remained unbeaten and their five wins and five draws kept them on top of the table a point clear of H&W Welders. On Christmas Eve the management team met at the Corner bar to discuss the Boxing Day trip to Banbridge and judging by the gleam in his eye Fergus had some important news to impart.

“Here you go Al” said Fergus, handing his assistant a festive pint of Guinness. “Merry Christmas and good health to you” he exclaimed, picking up his own pint and downing most of it in a few swift swallows. Gracey never failed to be amazed at the other man’s capacity for alcohol as Fergus seemed to be capable of consuming vast amounts at any time of day and yet rarely seemed to be inebriated. For all Gracey knew Fergus may well have been ensconced in the Corner Bar since opening time and yet he showed no ill-effects.

“So another road trip then Al.”

“Sure is Fergus. I never really look forward to those to be honest. I know we’re totally strapped for cash but I swear that every time we use it Billy Murphy’s minibus gets smaller and smaller.”

“I know exactly how you feel Al and I’m pleased to tell you that I have some excellent news in that regard.”

“Oh yes” said Gracey, a feeling of dread slowly building in the pit of his stomach.

“I’ve been working on another sponsorship deal over the last few months. I didn’t want to say anything in case it didn’t work out but it’s all in place now and I can’t wait for you to see it.”

“See what?”

“Our new transportation for the away games. I’ve sealed a deal with Michael Devlin of Devlin’s Car Mart and they are sponsoring the Enniskillen Rangers Roadster! Great news eh?”

Gracey hesitated before responding. “Well to be honest Fergus that all depends on exactly what the Roadster is.”

“Well sup up and we’ll go to Devlin’s and you can see it for yourself.”

sydfc4ever

mate i'm absolutly loving this, can't wait for the next installment!! C'mon Enniskillen C'mon C'mon!!!

BobBev

Thanks syd - here's another update as requested.

Gracey parked his car in the forecourt of Devlin’s Car Mart and the two men got out. Scarcely able to contain his excitement, Fergus was pulling on Gracey’s arm saying “Come on Al, it’s just round the back here.” They walked around the side of the small showroom and into what looked like a holding area for a vehicle demolition yard. “This is where Michael keeps his new stock before they’re done up for sale. The Roadster is under wraps in this garage over here”, the latter said whilst gesturing towards a corrugated iron edifice that seemed to be held together by rust.

“Just give me a hand with this door Al, it tends to be a bit stiff.

Both men grasped the handle of the large door and pulled hard. After some initial resistance it reluctantly began to move, accompanied by a high pitched screech of grinding metal. When it was open sufficiently to allow access Fergus leapt inside, pulling Gracey behind him. He stopped, made a sweeping motion with one hand and exclaimed “There she is, the Rangers Roadster! What do you think Al – she’s a real beauty, eh?”

The sight that greeted Gracey’s gaze quite literally left him speechless. The Roadster was hard to describe in words. It gave the vague appearance of being the illicit lovechild of a bus and a removal van with a pinch of mobile chippy thrown in for good measure. It was difficult to tell what the original colour of the paintwork would have been but now the sides were adorned with a series of crude murals featuring deformed looking figures wearing an approximation of the Enniskillen blue and white strip. The effect was completed with the legend “DEVLIN’S CAR MART – PROUD SPONSORS OF THE ENNISKILLEN RANGERS ROADSTER”. Sadly the effect was lessened by the fact that the signage had clearly not been the work of a professional sign writer. Gracey’s best guess was that a two-inch paintbrush and some Dulux gloss had been utilised, this based on the rivulets of paint that had trickled from the downstrokes of most of the letters.

Fergus was totally oblivious to Gracey’s shock, assuming his silence to be an indication of dumbfound delight. “If you think the bodywork is flash just wait until you see the interior” he enthused, grabbing Gracey’s arm and dragging him towards the rear of the vehicle. He opened the two large doors with a theatrical flourish and a loud “TA-RA!”

Still in a daze, Gracey gingerly ascended the two steps that afforded access to the body of the beast and slowly walked the length of the Roadster, feasting his eyes on craftwork that he had rarely seen outside of a DIY disaster show on TV. There was no denying that the inside was roomy, with seating that was more than adequate for the entire first team squad, the coaching staff and a good few Enniskillen ultras thrown in for good measure. Seating was provided by an assortment of chairs and sofas and for a second Gracey felt that he was inside a particularly run-down thrift shop. Armchairs of all shapes and sizes were complimented by wooden dining chairs, threadbare couches and even the odd coffee table. On closer inspection each item of furniture was lashed to some sort of wooden shelving that lined the walls on both sides of the vehicle.

When he finally found his voice he said simply “This is the Roadster?”

“Indeed it is Al. You’d never know to look at it now but it used to be the Enniskillen County Mobile Library. Devlin picked it up cheap when the council renewed it and he agreed to donate it to the club. I did most of the refurb myself to keep the costs down and even though I say so myself I’ve done a pretty good job. I managed to get most of the gear at knockdown prices and I think that we’re going to be a lot more comfortable on our away trips now.”

“Well one thing’s for sure Fergus, I can’t imagine that any other team in Ireland will have anything like this.”

BobBev

The Rangers Roadster certainly attracted interest wherever Enniskillen travelled to and it proved to be surprisingly comfortable. The latter was probably just as well given that its top speed was a stately 38 miles per hour, a rate of progress that turned the most modest of journeys into quite an expedition. The only untoward incident that occurred was an unfortunate injury to midfielder Stephen McNamee who damaged his shoulder on the journey to Ballyclare after the wingback chair that he was seated in came adrift from its mooring during a faster than usual cornering manoeuvre. The chair tipped over landing the player on his shoulder and condemned him to several weeks on the sidelines, a major inconvenience to Gracey as he lost one of his most effective players.

However the first choice strike pairing of last season’s top scorer Mark Craig and new signing Mark Vernon continued to bang in the goals and by the turn of the year the two had scored 22 goals between them. This was more than twice as many as the remainder of the team put together, a fact which underlined their importance to the club’s fortunes. Fergus was on such a high with his team’s results that even the prospect of entertaining PSNI in the 5th round of the Irish Cup did not upset him. The game produced quite an upset however as despite totally dominating the match Enniskillen somehow ended up losing the tie on penalties following a 3-3 draw after extra time.

The January transfer window saw Gracey secure two additional players to strengthen the squad. Teenage goalie David Harrison agreed a move from Barn United and striker Neil Mullan came on board from H&W Welders, neither player commanding a fee. By the end of the month the Rangers remained unbeaten in the 14 league games they had contested and had extended their lead at the top of the table to five points. When the two title rivals met at Enniskillen Road in mid-February the result left Fergus convinced that his team was destined to lift their second championship in as many seasons. The visitors dominated the game and keeper Joe McDonnell made a number of fine saves to keep his team alive before substitute Mullan came off the bench to score a stoppage-time winner.

It was inevitable that Enniskillen would suffer a defeat at some point in their fairytale season and their first reverse came in early March with a 3-1 loss at Crusaders. Another loss followed at home to Carrick and two more points were dropped with a draw at struggling Coagh United as the Rangers began to stumble. But a comprehensive 4-1 win at home to Banbridge in the penultimate game of the season was enough to secure the title with a game to spare.

The mood at the club come the end of season awards was one of jubilation – two consecutive promotions against all the odds had taken the club into the top flight of Northern Irish football and Fergus was feted as the divisional Manager of the Year. Strikers Craig and Vernon got a one-two in the Player of the Year award in recognition of their combined tally of 33 goals between them in all competitions. The end of season party at The Corner Bar was a raucous affair as the players, backroom staff and various locals were joined by the Board of Directors and the celebrations lasted well into the small hours of the morning.