Methuselah

I'll get to the etymology of the title later.

In June 2007, East Stirlingshire appointed Methuselah Baskerville as their manager. Although very few people in Scotland had heard of Methuselah Baskerville, it turned out that he had been a Vanuatuan international footballer, and he had under-19 experience with the Northern Mariana Islands. The season started badly - it seemed as though the tactics of this Pacific Islander were as shady as his work permit, he signed several players on free transfers from under the nose of their clubs, giving him a reputation as a bit of a shyster. Despite these dealings, the pre-season friendlies proved to be catastrophic:

Sun 03/07 2-2 vs. Carnoustie This was an away match against seemingly useless opposition - until complacency kicked in during the second half. If it weren't for an injury time penalty which Carnoustie missed, East Stirling would have been embarassed.

Sun 10/07 1-8 vs. Forfar A shocker. After taking a second minute lead, the team were unfortunate to go in at half time 2-1 behind, with trialist Vijay Sidhu scoring a 30-yard freekick. But the defence fell apart in the second half. All substitutes had been used by the eightieth minute, with the Shire losing 5-1, when goalkeeper Tony O'Dowd, another trialist, was injured. Derek Ure was forced to play in goals, and East Stirling would lucky with the final scoreline of 8-1. The attendance was a mere 56, it seemed as though the goalless bore-draw between Falkirk and Barcelona which attracted a hundredscore higher attendance was more interested to the fans.

The next day, chairman Methuselah Baskerville pestered the board with all sorts of requests - such as a stadium expansion, improved training facilities, a feeder club, and a parent club. On Wednesday morning, Methuselah Baskerville gladly accepted an ultimatum, and made himself scarce. He emerged from the manager's office carrying a briefcase, and exchanged profanities with the chairman before exiting the ground. He got one last look at the hallowed Firs Park turf (if it could be called turf), and held his briefcase above his head to escape from the rain. Where to go next? Unemployed, presumably homeless, as he had been renting accomodation from the chairman. He dug deep in his pocket and removed £40. He had received it on Saturday, his only weekly wage at the Shire. Baskerville boarded a train to Glasgow from Falkirk Grahamston. He felt suicidal, a wretch.

The sky was turning from grey to black, and thunder could be heard outside. The train wobbled in the gales, and it was hard to believe it was summer, but then again, it was 2007. As the train pulled onto the platform, Baskerville saw an old friend of his - Grant Gilpin, the man who had granted him a work permit, perhaps he could offer a helping hand?

"What the feck are you doing back?" asked Grant.
"I got sacked," Baskerville muttered grimly.
"Well, you know that your home country is looking for a new national manger," said Grant.
"How the hell would you know?" Baskerville asked.
"I'm your agent as well as your embassy official," he said, "I have to keep up with things down in Vanuatu to stay an embassy, and I have to stay an embassy so that people can smoke in my pub."
"So, erm, when's the next flight to Port-Vila?" Baskerville asked hurriedly.

A week later, Baskerville was smugly walking out of the national headquarters next to the Korman Stadium, he was now the manager, of the Vanuatuan National Football Team, it was an honour (for him).

Methuselah

The first challenge for Baskerville was finding which players to keep in the senior squad, which to remove, and which to move to the youth squads.

Baskerville had left Vanuatu 10 years ago, and wound up in Falkirk. There were no players left from Baskerville's era. Vanuatu was a youthful nation, and its national football team reflected that - with the whole squad between 17 and 22 years old. The first match would be at home to the Northern Mariana Islands in September - nine months away. In the meantine he would have to scrounge around looking for staff, and possibly find a club to manage. The only problem was that he couldn't manage any local clubs (thanks alot SI), so Baskerville turned to foreign management. He applied for the vacancy at relegation threatened Greek National Division B outfit Ethnikos Asteres.