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Life was pretty boring in Heaven if truth be told. Sitting on white fluffy clouds, playing harps, drinking milk & honey - it all got pretty boring after a while.
Three angels pondered what the could do to relieve their boredom. Each of them had been a football manager before their acension to Heaven, but here there was no football.
'I heard they play football in Hell' Jock Stein moaned
Dave Green nodded, 'I've heard that too. Sometimes I wish I'd been bad..'
'Now that's no way to think Dave' Ally MacLeod jovially beamed. 'We're all here because we were footballing legends'
'So in way' Green said slyly, 'This is actually our hell'
The trio sat in contemplation for what seemed like a millenia. And it might well have been for in Eternity, time is nothing.
'You know' Stein started, 'Wouldn't it be great of we could have one more chance to manage a team'
There was a long pause.
From nowhere came a 4th voice. 'I can make that happen'
Dave Green dragged himself out of bed. His body did not want to get up and Dave felt like sleeping for a few more hours but the alarm clock alerted him that something needed doing. Thats when he realised he was alive again.
'I'm alive again!' He bellowed in delight.
Beside him on the bed someone stirred.
'Come back to bed' the husky voice said.
It didn't sound like Marjorie.
Dave felt he could not go back to bed. There was something he somehow knew he had to do, and picking up the envelope lying on the floor beside his slippers he made his way to the living room.
It seemed he lived in a small, one bedroom flat with his wife. So that meant no kids. Which was a relief.
The living room was very small, just enough room for a sofa, a chair and the TV really.
Dave needed to pee.
He put the letter, unopened, on the small table that sat in the centre of the living room and headed to the bathroom.
Bathroom indeed.
There was a toiler and a shower stall and just about enough room to manouvre. Slowly.
Dave Pee'd.
After he was finished he washed his hands in the impossibly small sink then look at himself in the mirror.
Something - hopefully someone - was lying beside him. He could hear their breathing, but he could also feel their body against his.
He was naked.
This was not his bed.
Stein looked round and had to supress a scream. There was a huge whale sleeping beside him. That was not his wife.
Stein pulled back the covers and immediately noticed something. That was most definately NOT his penis!
There was an envelope lying on the bedside table. Stein picked it up and looked around for his robe.
There wasn't one.
He got up and wandered over to the dressing table. From the mirror stared a rather thin, middle aged - black man.
'I'm a fuking ni' Stein started, but just at that the door burst open and two very large, obese, disgustingly naked kids ran in. Stein guessed they were about six and eight years old, a boy and girl. The fact they ran up to him, threw their arms around him and called him,
'Daddy!'
Kind of made him guess one thing. These were his kids. Except, of course, these hippo's were most certainly not his kids.
The whale on the bed slowly dragged itself onto the floor and there stood the fattest woman Jock Stein had ever seen. This time he could not supress a scream.
Ally MacLeod looked quietly around the darkened room. The curtains were drawn - rather badly it seemed, probably by that guy from vision on. Ally lay silent, not quite sure what was going her.
There was something glinted on the bedside table. It was a white envelope, lying beside the bedside lamp. Which was switched off.
There was someone else in the bed. Ally could hear their breathing, very quiet, soft but detectable.
He turned over and saw a small head popping out from under the duvet. This could not be good.
Rigid with an unknown fear, Ally looked at the small head. It was, quite clearly, small.
A child.
Slowly, Ally sat up and gingerly turned on the bedside lamp. It was, most definately a child that lay beside him. A pretty little blonde girl. By her face should could have been anywhere from eight to twelve it was hard to tell in this still dim light.
Suddenly, Ally heard a noise like a key being turned in a lock. A door opened and closed. The bedroom door opened, a light went on.
He went under many names. Now he had another to use.
Which was nice.
The Devil, as he really prefered to be called, lay contented beneath his silk sheets. To his right lay a beautiful, buxom, young blonde and to his left lay an equally buxom young brunette. Sometimes, it was tough being the Devil.
The Devil put an arm round each of the girls and pulled then to him, but the rest of that bit is censored, sorry.
Afterward, the Devil got up and took the envelope that was lying on the dressing table. Of course he knew what it said, he was after all the Devil, and he knew everything. Thats right, everything, so just remember the next time you go for a pee, the Devil is watching you!
It also helped that he had written what was in the envelope. It seemed silly, an indulgence, but the others had envelopes so why shouldn't he. Was he not, after all the Devil, the Lord of the Daleks, the Creator of All Things?
Carefully he opened his envelope, read the intructions and smiled. This was going to be fun. He wondered how the other three were coping with their assignments, and laughed. On the bed, the two incredibly beautiful young women stirred again and the Devil, reluctantly went back to fulfill their needs.
Dave Green sat, near to tears, in a run down park in the center of Poznan. In his hand he held an opened envelope, but he already knew what the envelope contained. It was not joyous reading. Green withdrew the letter, hands still shaking like a leaf and read it again.
Dear Dave.
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a human body. Please remember that, unlike Heaven, you will have to eat, pee and crap. Failure to do these three things will mean termination and we cannot grant you another chance. It will be game over, nada, zilch, au revoir, nil point. You get the point right?
Your name is Tomasz Malinowski. You are Polish, in case you haven't figured that out yet. You are forty six years old, and live in a rather luxurious - by Polish standards - flat, with your lover of over 20 years, Michal. You have no children. Obviously.
After reading this letter, you will head to Stadion Lecha - there is a map enclosed for your convenience - where you will attend an interview with the club chairman, Andrzej Kadzinski. Don't worry, this is merely a formality and the job is yours.
Your first aim is to win the Polish League title. You have unlimited finances. However, you must at all times play only players eligible to play for Poland. If a player had duel nationalities, you can play him unless and until he gets capped for a country other than Poland, then he becomes dead to you and must be gotten rid of.
Good luck.
Your friend,
The Devil
It was terrible. He was living in Poland, he was gay.... and he was called Tomasz something or other.
How the hell was he going to win another FMS Character of the Year now!
The Devil Makes Four 
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