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Okay, so I've failed on numerous occasions with stories. I was finding it tough to kepp up with the game. So Ive decided to do a story that is created by me and not the game. My last chance ,if I fail this time I will leave you alone ,but give me a chance First. Roomies is the tale of Jim `Two left Feet` Grays, a failure on the pitch, whos trying to turn his life off it and his hapless room-mates ,self named the Roomies. Jim thinks he is moving in with his pals ,but is mislead and ends up with the dorkiest trio in Kendal
Hmm, last time I checked this was still Football Manager Stories. Which kinda implies that the stories here are written about the game and not something random.
"Get off the pitch you mug" scremaed a fuming Kendal town fan.
I thought to myself show them Jim, this game's been better for you.
You've only missed 3 open goals and scoffed a penalty over the bar. Then I saw him ,out of the corner of my very own eye ,Ashcroft, Oh C***P! Not him ."Alright Jim." he muttered cheekily to me. Just wait till he's sacked. I thought then I will laugh in that little England one cap wonders face! He was the one who said "Jim ,you can't hide behind drink all day long." Ha! I showed him. My 7 goals was a record last season. Even if they were at the wrong end. This club hadn't seen anything like it! I am a living legend in these parts.And then some pretender comes along and takes my crown! I was furious. I resorted to my emergency shot of vodka ,which had been carefully placed inside my sock .I looked around to see if there were any fans looking and downed it. That felt brilliant .But maybe one two many to the 5 I had to `Drown` My sorrows out at half time.
I wandered the pitch, And I must say I had fun ,right up until the final 5 minutes .I was attacked in cold blood. (All I did was take off my Shorts right in front of wife) Spent hours in casualty ,mum was not pleased, she's always moaning. Jim ,you think you're a rockstar,
you havent given me a penny over the years .
Dosen't she not understand ,probably not .
The old crowe just takes takes takes all day long. I've had enough ,I'm going to move in with my Mates!
So then I'll give you some info on Jim Grays.
Jim is a 30 year old footballer. Living in a
deabeat town and living off his mothers tiny
wage at the local Morrisons, Jims life
has been a total failure.
Jim aspires to be the next Gary Linekar,
a man who can score at free will.
At one time this was believable.
Jim playing at Leeds United Academy WAS
the next big thing. But
along the road, something went wrong,
Maybe it was the fact he began drinking
at his 13th Birthday. Or perhaps
that he broke his leg.
But anyway ,Jim has ended up as a nobody,
a nobody in a nobodies town. Hes been at Kendal
since he was 20 .After Leeds through him
out for being visibly sick on the pitch
after calming his nerves with 7 cans of
Fosters before the game.
Jim found a club that would tolerate
footballers with Drink problem's ,and it
was his beloved Kendal Town.
Jim remembered going down to watch
his father play. His father was
a Restaurant Assistant Manager.
He left his wife and son 8 years ago.
Calling jim the biggest dissapointment of
his life.
Jim averages 1 bottle of Beer per game, according to his COPTA stats ,the OPTA for the
drunks .
Great then so today was smashing. After having to have those stiches I expected something from that Freak Ashcroft. What did I get, some rubbish, sick Jibe at me and my Mother. I've told her I'm moving out. She took it really badly ,she's even called a Party with her mates to cheer her up. I'm not invited. I have some friends a couple of blocks away, they have a spare room at their house. I just need to finalise some rent payments and all that and I'll be on my way. I'll show that idiot Ashcroft what I'm made of. You can crush the Grays ,you can bruise the Grays, but we'll come back stronger .Ashcroft has made his intentions clear that he wants a war with me, so he'll get a war. I hope he realises that his is just the beginning .Now where's that JD bottle?
"What ,you're letting me go!" The look on Jim's face was plain to see. After all of he hard work he'd put in to the club ,that big nosed ,big headed excuse for a manager had let the longest serving player leave. In his heart Jim knew that freaks like Ashcroft should not be in his life, especially when they couldn't manage for Toffee.
"Don't worry, `Jim` ,there's a number of Unibond Div 1 clubs after you, Braford PA ,Newcatsle Blue Star"
"Okay then Ashcroft ,I'll take the bait, you've got rid of me ,at last, but remember the name Jim Grays ,you're going to hear it alot in the future. "
think the Interviews went well actually One for Bradford PA, another for Newcastle Blue star, one for Chorley ,and one for Bradford City Binwagon driver. The Chorley one was particularly uneventful ,It went smoothly I think, all I did was turn up 1 hour late abosolutley Mortal, Break a window with my Beer Bottle and then call the manager a greedy git. I sat at Mum's for ages ,waiting for the phone to ring. I'm delighted to say that after vigiorus talks Bradford .......City Hall have agreed to take me onboard as Binny .I eventually had to settle for 4k a year after they rejected my original negotiation of 25k a week plus car and house. And yes I'll admit ,Bradford PA have signed me two. I'm so popular nowadays .They've agreed to put me up for a couple of weeks in a flat until I get money sorted .I'm on my way.
Next time on Roomies.
Who are the lucky people to room with Jim. Astroanuts? Actors? Fellow members of the Bin wagon drivers assosciation? and
Will Jim get off to the dream start at Bradford?