Peacemaker7

Life was pretty boring in Heaven if truth be told. Sitting on white fluffy clouds, playing harps, drinking milk & honey - it all got pretty boring after a while.

Four angels pondered what they could do to relieve their boredom. They had all been very famous, mostly successful football players and managers in their life on earth. There was, however, no football in Heaven, only synchronized swimmimg.

'I heard they play football in Hell' moaned Ally MacLeod.

Brian Clough nodded, 'I've heard that too. Sometimes I wish I'd been bad..'

'Now that's no way to think Brian' Martin O'Neil jovially beamed. 'We're all here because we were footballing legends, fantastic isn't it?'

'So in way' Robbie Savage said slyly, 'This is actually our hell. It's even worse than watching Wales under Toshack!'

The four of them sat in contemplation for what seemed like a millenia. And it might well have been for in Eternity, time is nothing, but is also everything.

'You know' O'Neil jumped up with glee, 'Wouldn't it be great if we could have one more chance to manage a team? Wouldn't that be the most fantastic, amazing thing?!

There was a long pause.

From nowhere came a 5th voice. 'I can make that happen'

It was the Devil.

'If you want?'

Which they, of course, they all did.

Peacemaker7

'I'm the Devil' the Devil said rather obviously, 'I can grant you any wish you want.'

'That's superb, fantastic, utterly brilliant!' Martin O'Neil bounced up and down with joy.

'It's bloody great' Brian Clough agreed, 'I can go back an give me' wife a right good thumping!'

'Not so fast' The Devil put his hand up. 'There are one or two 'conditions'.'

'Typical' MacLeod cried, 'That's exactly what you told me in 1978.'

'Firstly, you will have a decent sized amount of cash for the club's you manage. Not infinite, I'm the Devil, not Bill Gates'

'Oh, I thought they were the same person' Robbie Savage said.

'No, not really. I'm much better looking.' The Devil explained, 'But the snag is you can only sign players of your own nationality. And of course, you will not be going back as yourselves, that would be ludicrous.'

Brian Clough looked dismayed. Then he brightened up, surely he would find a new wife to beat the crap out of?!

'Are you all ready? Good, then we'll begin........'

Peacemaker7

Brian Clough dragged himself out of bed. His body did not want to get up and Cloughie felt like sleeping for a few more hours but the alarm clock alerted him that something needed doing. That's when he realised he was alive again.

'I'm alive again!' He bellowed in delight.

Beside him on the bed someone stirred.

'Come back to bed' the husky voice said.

It didn't sound like Babs.

Brian felt he could not go back to bed. There was something he somehow knew he had to do, and picking up the envelope lying on the floor beside his slippers he made his way to the living room.

It seemed he lived in a small, one bedroom flat with his wife. So that meant no kids. Which was a relief.

The living room was very small, just enough room for a sofa, a chair and the TV really.

Brian needed to pee.

He put the letter, unopened, on the small table that sat in the centre of the living room and headed to the bathroom.

Bathroom indeed.

There was a toilet and a shower stall and just about enough room to move about.

Brian Pee'd.

After he was finished he washed his hands in the impossibly small sink then look at himself in the mirror.

'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhh!'


He screamed at the face looking back at him.

It was not his own face. That was not Brian Clough. Of course.... he should have remembered that bit.

The door burst open and a man rushed in.

'Whats up honey!?!'

Brian screamed again.

sherm

Nice start PM7. Hunting for that 25th FMS award are we

Amaroq

And congrats on Funniest Writer, PM. Well done!! Funny-once is easy.. but consistently funny, as you do?

Wayy beyond me!

KUTGW! :thup:

Peacemaker7

Thanks guys

So far this is just a re-hash of the other story, be interesting to see how much, if any, success can be achieved

Wegason

I had a feeling I'd read this before.

Peacemaker7

I have slightly changed it

Peacemaker7

Robbie Savage awoke with a start.

He was aware of three things.

Something - hopefully someone - was lying beside him. He could hear their breathing, but he could also feel their body against his.

He was naked.

This was not his bed.

Robbie looked round and had to suppress a scream. There was a huge whale sleeping beside him. That was not his wife.

Savage pulled back the covers and immediately noticed something. That was most definately NOT his penis!

There was an envelope lying on the bedside table. Robbie picked it up and looked around for his robe.

There wasn't one.

He got up and wandered over to the dressing table. From the mirror stared a rather thin, middle aged - black man.

'I'm a fuking ni' Robbie Savage started, but just at that the door burst open and two very large, obese, disgustingly naked kids ran in. Robbie guessed they were about six and eight years old, a boy and girl. The fact they ran up to him, threw their arms around him and called him,

'Daddy!'

Kind of made him guess one thing. These were his kids. Except, of course, these hippo's were most certainly not his kids.

The whale on the bed slowly dragged itself onto the floor and there stood the fattest woman Robbie Savage had ever seen. This time he could not suppress a scream.

The whale was naked.

Peacemaker7

Ally MacLeod looked quietly around the darkened room. The curtains were drawn - rather badly it seemed, probably by that guy from Vision On. Ally lay silent, not quite sure what was going her.

There was something glinted on the bedside table. It was a white envelope, lying beside the bedside lamp. Which was switched off.

There was someone else in the bed. Ally could hear their breathing, very quiet, soft but detectable.

He turned over and saw a small head popping out from under the duvet. This could not be good.

Rigid with an unknown fear, Ally looked at the small head. It was, quite clearly, small.

A child.

Slowly, Ally sat up and gingerly turned on the bedside lamp. It was, most definately a child that lay beside him. A pretty little blonde girl. By her face should could have been anywhere from eight to twelve it was hard to tell in this still dim light.

Suddenly, Ally heard a noise like a key being turned in a lock. A door opened and closed. The bedroom door opened, a light went on.

There, framed in the doorway, was a Policewoman.

'What the hell is going on here'