retired_sherri

Cheers Guys! The results aren't quite going as planned, but I'm hoping that isn't detracting from anyone's enjoyment of the story, it's not all about the football!

v. HSK Zrinjski Mostar

Burns was suffering fitness issues so Platts was brought in on the left wing, the other change I made was putting Clarke in goal as Ashton’s 29 conceded in 8 games had affected his spirit. We were without a goal in 5 matches and although I approached this game with the same optimism I always did I found it hard to realistically look beyond another defeat. My fears were confirmed on 9 minutes when Platts wasted possession in the middle and Zrinjski’s Pejanovic looped a 30 yard dipping effort over Clarke. The woe continued as their tricky striker Lazic found some space in between our two central defenders and glad latched onto the through ball guiding the ball for their second. Lazic got his second just before the break when Zrinjski’s winger ran for the byline, cut a ball back and Lazic had the time to pick his spot. Half time and all I could muster was a quick ten minute crash course on how to defend.

It fell on deaf ears as Taylor dithered on the ball allowing Lazic to nip in, take the ball and strike home for his hat-trick. Zrinjski had found top gear and Miletic ran at us down the left wing floating a cross into Zivkovic arriving at the back post who gladly obliged and swung his boot to crisply volley the ball into the roof of the net. It came as such a surprise when plats jinked in from his left wing and played a ball through to Blinkhorn. I looked at the assistant as I would swear blind he was offside, but no flag was raised and Blinkhorn was clean through. It felt like an age before he pulled the trigger, shooting across the keeper into the bottom left hand corner. Our first goal in 5 games meant I didn’t care about the result as we had scored. In fact that spurred us on and some competent defending in the last 10 saved any further blushes.

HSK Zrinjski Mostar (5) Lancaster City (1)

retired_hern1001

Another loss

Perhaps you should stick your assistant manager/phone operator on the pitch. He couldn't possibly do any worse

retired_sherri

Game 15 – Petrovac, Montenegro

The coach was officially knackered, although Dave had managed to get it to a local garage in Mostar to be fixed with the aid of a tow from man who didn’t smile, owned a tractor and used overemphasised hand gestures, sounded familiar. So it was that we were stuck for the day. I wandered round the hostel banging on doors to get the boys up for a light breakfast and some fitness training. Knocking on one door I heard whispers before the door opened to present a young lady in just her underwear. Slightly stunned, but without removing my gaze from her cleavage, I made my apologies for getting the wrong door only for Matty Blinkhorn’s voice to appear out of nowhere, “I’ll be down in ten minutes gaffer”.

We spent the morning going for a run followed by some light ball work. I left the boys to their own devices for a couple of hours whilst Chris and I sorted out where we were heading next and catching up with those back home. Charlie Moore told us we had offers of matches in Athens and Crete, the path was laid before us. More immediately though Chris had once again worked his magic and secured us a game in Montenegro down on the coast south of where we currently were. By late afternoon Dave had managed to get the coach fixed and out of the garage ready for the short trip across the border. The main topic of conversation was how Matty managed to keep his recent form both on and off the pitch, I couldn’t care less what he did with himself in his own time, as long as he kept himself out of trouble and kept scoring on the pitch, I was happy.

Petrovac na Moru is no more than village with only a couple of thousand residents nestled in a bay surrounded by some stunning hills. With no hostel or campsite and the only option a relatively expensive hotel we opted to set up camp on the green fields just behind the glorious 600m sandy beach. The next morning a number of us went for a swim and walk along the beach to while away the time before our midday kick-off. OFK Petrovac, oddly given the size of the village, play in a 5000 capacity stadium, though as we ran out onto the pitch only 77 souls were standing on the grass banks that passed for terraces, glory days indeed.

retired_sherri

v. OFK Petrovac

I recalled Swan to the starting line up hoping his confidence had increased with a bit of time to see where we were going wrong defensively from a spectators point of view. Petrovac a semi-pro side like ourselves were there for the taking but we had to rise to the occasion. It took five minutes for Petrovac to open the scoring, Leposavic lifting a 25 yard free-kick up over the wall and sailing past Clarke into the far corner. The second followed immediately when a long ball left Djurisic in acres of space to run into and side foot past Clarke. The third came shortly after when Rogosic reacted quickest in the box swivelled past Harban and toe poked home. We looked all over the place and the inevitable fourth came when the defence didn’t mark their men allowing (the other) Leposavic to ghost in and connect with a cross diverting it goal wards for Clarke to flap at and miss. “4 down inside half an hour, that’s 12-0 by the end of the match” I thought to myself. Petrovac continued to pile on the pressure and a fifth came just before half time when Matovic rose above Harban to head in at the far post. 5-0 at half time and I decided something drastic was needed. I told Platts and Baines to get down the wings more, leaving Payne and King to boss the midfield. Attack was the name of the game, I wanted goals.

The boys responded wonderfully. We came out with a renewed confidence and some commitment in our play. A long ball hoofed into the box was met by Spike who nodded it on goalwards, the Petrovac keeper fumbled and by more luck than judgement Blinkhorn was standing in the right place at the right time to bundle the ball over the line. This goal seemed to put a rocket up the whole teams arse, most notably Blinkhorn who was playing like a man possessed. Harban hoofed another ball forward and Blinkhorn ran behind the defence to slot our second home. Blinkhorn then received the ball at his feet instead of in the air and obviously not sure what to do with it pushed it past the defender Vuksanovic used his speed to make the gap and then finished superbly past the keepers outstretched hands. Blinkhorn had got his hat-trick and we still had 15 minutes to push further. Unfortunately for us Petrovac shut up shop with 11 men behind the ball and the game petered out. I was left to rue what might had been if we had defended in the first 45 minutes. Still, a Blinkhorn man of the match performance to savour and with 4 goals in 2 games, the man was doing exactly what I brought him along to do, score.

OFK Petrovac (5) Lancaster City (3)

retired_gabachitalinda

SUPER MATTY BLINKHORN!!!!!!

We had him on loan at Luton a few years back!

retired_hern1001

Looks like you need to get some of these young ladies in the touring party.

Good stuff :thup:

retired_sherri

Welwyn - Blinkhorn could be our saviour, he looks good.
WLKRAS - Advice taken
Authors Note: If you think I'm doing bad, take a look at Lancaster irl

Game 16 – Durrës, Albania

The second half comeback called for a mini celebration, if I’m honest I can’t remember what happened, but there I was freshly awoken with only half my torso inside my tent. I had a pounding headache and as I walked around it was reminiscent of a battlefield, bodies were strewn across the field we had camped in, all lifeless except for Anton Lally whose snores sounded like the distant rumble of tanks. Looking down the beach Blinkhorn was already up (that, or hadn’t gone to sleep in the first place) and larking about with two bikini clad females, splashing them with the waves as they rolled in. Not wanting to cramp his style, but still being the slightly uncool and out-of-touch manager I was, I walked over to say hi on my way to find a café for some coffee.

“Hello, you are the ‘gaff..uer’, yes?” One of the young ladies said bounding up to me, Matty Blinkhorn all the while smirking in the background.

“Erm, yeah, I’m the manager”

“Well my name is Arjana, and this is Marsela, but you can call us Jana and Sela” she said adding a little giggle.

“Hi, erm, nice to meet you” I relplied, blushing slightly “Do you know where I can get a Coffee and some breakfast?” As a married man I wasn’t used to conversations with ladies with not many clothes on, but it seemed Matty was trying his best to change that.

“Yeah there’s a Café just down the beach. I hear you are heading south, Matthew said you would be able to take us to Albania”

I shot a piercing glance at Blinkhorn, “Erm, well, you see, we can’t just go wherever, we need to play football games.”

“My brother plays football at home in Albania” Sela interjected, “His team will play football, I shall phonecall him whilst you eat breakfast.” Her English wasn’t quite as good but it made sense.

“If you can get us a football game, I will take you wherever you want”

So it was that after lunch two girls still in Bikinis climbed onto the coach to be greeted by the leering stare of Dave and a chorus of wolf whistles from a bus load of sex-starved men. Jana and Sela were charming girls really and told me that their home town of Durrës was a lively place on the coast where they had grown up and now went to university. Unfortunately for me when I asked about the football they couldn’t tell me much, just that the team were not as good as Manchester United. In fact having asked them if our opponents preferred to play 4-4-2 or 4-5-1 I was met with blank looks and shortly afterwards they both moved down the coach to avoid the crazy man and his strange numbers.

Dave pulled up outside the ground and we were met by a team of trim looking footballers in their tracksuits who showed us into the away changing rooms. If games kept arranging themselves this easily, then I was going to ask every stunning woman I saw if their brother played football.

retired_sherri

v. KS Teuta Durrës

Physio Wayne Gill passed Fry for his first match so the only change saw him replace king in centre midfield. Just shy of 1000 people had turned up on this warm evening with only a gentle breeze wafting across the pitch as the game got underway. The opening exchanges were a bit lethargic but Teuta took the lead when Lluka rammed the ball home from a seemingly impossible angle out towards the wing. I thought for a moment it was going to be another drubbing but a miscued clearance from Uka fell at the feet of Spike who went for power and not accuracy but managed to hit the target none the less. 1-1. It all went pear-shaped again though as a simple one-two between Geshi and Hysa left the former with a sight of goal and without even looking up he had skimmed the ball along the surface of the slightly scorched greeny-brown grass into the corner. It was with great surprise that within two minutes Blinkhorn had stepped up to take a free kick lifting it over the wall and dipping it below the crossbar, the goal machine had scored again! Half-time and we were looking better than we ever had.

Keep it tight and look for the counter is what I asked, and it’s exactly what I got. Teuta found Clarke in superb form for much of the second half, and both sides had chances go sailing the past the woodwork. The clock was ticking down and I was hoping that we might be able to nick a final goal. It was on 86 minutes that the goal to separate the teams came, only we were not the beneficiaries of it. Harban was found napping at the back post as a corner was whipped in for Ymeri to rise and head home. All that hard work was gone in a flash. I was disheartened. I truly believed we deserved to get something out of the game but it was not to be.

KS Teuta Durrës (3) Lancaster City (2)

retired_sherri

Game 17 – Kicevo, FYR of Macedonia

The ball skimmed off the surface slowing down just as it reached the winger’s nimble feet. Driving towards by-line he shrugged off the challenge of the defender and whipped in a vicious cross. I saw the ball curving slightly in the air and sprinted towards the front post leaping up to meet the ball with my head. I glanced the ball goalwards, it had all the pace just needed the direction. Everything was in slow motion as I turned my head to watch the ball glide past the keepers outstretched hands and nestle in the back of the net. I flung my arms up in the air…

I awoke with a crash and pain immediately fell upon my knuckles as they slammed in to the headboard of the bed. It seemed not winning was affecting me more than I was consciously aware of, I was dreaming of that elusive victory. Unfortunately the divine inspiration of playing myself upfront was not going to help our plight. So it was that Chris and I found ourselves back on the coach heading towards Macedonia with Dave whistling happily as he drove. We had got word of a team called Vlazrimi Kicevo who were looking for a friendly and so that was our destination.

As we wound through the valleys and around the mountains of western Macedonia I started to feel homesick for the first time. The thought of not being able to just wander down to the pub and see a host of familiar faces, the constant travelling, the empty bed or sleeping bag I had slept in every night (with the exception of one slightly frightful experience when Chris had a sleep walked across our twin room and attempted to climb into bed with me), it was all starting to get to me. So it was that I decided before we left the continent Chris and I would meet up with the family in Greece, which gave us both something to look forward to.

Kicevo is a city nestled beneath Mount Bistra. Overlooked by a monastery the 30,000 inhabitants seemed docile and calm as we drove down a wide boulevard lined with green trees. The whole valley is covered in greenery and it was a small clearing just behind Vlazrimi’s ground where we were permitted to set up camp. Having set up the selection of tents several times this trip already we were like a well oiled machine, if only we could be this organised on the football field.

retired_bclanders

Superb idea mate! :thup: I guess you will play in Bulgaria too...Hope that's so!