retired_sherri

Praise indeed! Thanks wesleysonck and mametz, glad you're enjoying it

Game 8 – Wattens, Austria

I was woken early in the morning with an almighty fright. A yelp followed by an Anton Lally shaped lump causing your tent to cave in is not the most pleasant way to come to, I tend to find a good coffee far more effective. Anton had stepped in a cow pat, slipped, tripped over our guy rope and just couldn’t hold his balance, at least that’s the story that went round camp that morning. Besian very kindly allowed everyone to trapse into his farm house for the toilet and a spruce up and his wife, who had also given the three kits a much needed wash the evening before, cooked Chris and I a fantastic breakfast with all sorts of sausages. If we found people as kind as this for the rest of the trip we will have no problems, though I do think Besian dined out on the story for many months to come, probably using poetic licence and making our team out to be far better than we actually were.

Dave had slept in his bus and so as everyone packed their things into the bus there were snide remarks about the wafting smell. The rest of the journey was indeed uncomfortable but the breeze through the sky lights provided just enough airflow. Wattens is just beyond Innsbruck and as we travelled East through Austria again the countryside was nothing less that extremely pleasant. We arrived in Wattens to a festival of some sort, in the centre of town pretty girls gathered and danced in the street. I gave the lads the afternoon off and Chris and I headed to the Swarovski Crystal Works and Museum. I decided to buy a beautiful necklace to send home to ‘er dans la maison as I thought it would at least sweeten her up for a while meaning I wont be reprimanded for “prancing off around the world playing silly games” as she so delicately put it.

retired_sherri

v. WSG Wattens

90 people packed into the 5200 capacity Alpenstadion which, for its beautiful location nestled at the foot of some spectacular mountains, was distinctly underwhelming due to its uninspiring concrete stand, at least it was covered. I kept the same starting eleven as the previous game in a hope to build on our draw and the first half was very promising. Although Wattens had much of the play and looked the better side we soaked up the pressure well and neither side had too many chances to make an impact. A 0-0 bore draw was fine with me and I went in at half time content.

The game spluttered to life on 59 minutes when Wattens forward Maderthaner spun Swan on the spot and chipped past Ashton to put us 1-0 down. We then had a spell with a few chances, but Wattens still looked in control. The breakthrough came on in the 79th minute as Moss played a ball inside to Kelly who thumped a 20 yarder into the far corner. An equaliser we perhaps didn’t deserve but no one was complaining, especially not Chris who had jumped out of his seat and hit his head on the low dugout roof. The defence didn’t hold out long though as only minutes later a long ball left Bayliss static and Math calculated his angle just right to push the ball home for Wattens. Another late lapse in concentration that cost us. Chris, who obviously was a bit cranky because of the bump on his head, had a good shout in the dressing room and everyone left a little more wary of the Dutchman.

WSG Wattens (2) Lancaster City (1)

retired_sterlingprianna

"Math calculated his angle..." Beautiful writing, enjoying this immensely.

retired_sherri

“So where next then Chris?”

“I thought you were arranging the next game?”

“Nope, I remember I specifically left this to you”

“Well, Martin, you didn’t tell me about it!”

“Right so we haven’t got a game nor a destination…”

“No, but I have been in touch with Charlie and I have got some players, and seen as we’ve got a few days at least spare now they should be able to get here and train with us before the next game”

“If there is a next game, go on then who have we picked up?”

“Five players from blighty. Jamie Burns a left winger and Matt Blinkhorn a striker have both been snapped up for nothing from Blackpool, Thomas Harban from Barnsley and Daniel Cunningham who was unattached are both strong defenders and I’m told they should stable our back four, oh and Russell Fry an attacking midfielder is on loan for 12 months from Hull”

“Bloody hell Chris, did you get a group discount from EasyJet or something?”

“Yeah summat like that… oh and there is one more, after last nights game this lad came up to me, his names Paul Baines, was in the crowd, without wanting to relay his life story as he did to me basically he’s never played professionally or even semi-professionally before but is bored of life out here in Austria so asked if he could tag along. Before you say it yes I did give him a trial and he looks pretty nifty down the wing, got a good cross on him, these extra players will mean we can shed the really young ones like Moss and Baxter, maybe even Winne as I hear he’s not exactly enjoying life on the move, kids and their playstations and whatnot.”

“Well sounds promising.”

“I also spoke to Charlie and he says the media are cottoning on to our exploits, we’re a regular feature in the local press and a few fansites have been set-up by friends and family, apparently the boys have been emailing back updates, we’ve also got our first sponsorship as Carling have agreed to pay off the coach fee”

“Well all I hope is that they don’t include a tip for Dave. Anyway ever been to Munich? I hear the beers pretty good!”

retired_sherri

Game 9 – Munich, Germany

The coach heaved into Munich just as the evening rush hour began. We were heading for a hostel and the relative comforts of a warm showers and toilets that didn’t involve traipsing through a field of cows to a farmhouse. Our luck was in as the 5 new signings from home had managed to fly across that afternoon and they were already sat in the communal lounge watching a German soap opera.

Our idea was to get up early the next morning and just turn up at some football grounds hoping to blag our way into a game after our potential opposition’s morning training session. But for the time being there was more pressing issues, such as relaxing with a few beers. Chris had a few friends in living in Munich and after a few frantic minutes, by few I mean the best part of an hour, spent getting our bearings we found them in a beer garden.

Chris walked up to the small gathering and after a short conversation in German one of the group, a middle aged man with gaunt features, stood up, looked me up and down and extended his hand.

“Hallo, I am Gerhard, nice to see you!”

“Good to meet you too Gerhard, how do you know Chris?”

“Me and Chris go vay back, old football rivals, Chris says you also know each other a very long time, ya?”

“Yep since we were kids, and now I’m dragging him around the world with me, though we seem to be at a loose end now”

“Vell it just so happens you have stumbled upon some luck, I may be able to get you a game here in München”

“Bayern or TSV 1860?” I asked with increasing excitement.

“Spielvereinigung Unterhaching, Not so good, nein? I am friends with the manager fritz, he sometimes sends me to scout players”

“We’ll take any game we can get, not to mention I’m sure with Bayern or 1860 the gulf in quality would have been far too great, thank you Gerhard, I think I owe you a beer.”

The beer flowed and the good times continued until the early hours. Stories of football, and women were swapped and by the time I decided it was best to stagger back to the hostel I felt I had made a friend for life in Gerhard.

The next morning I woke feeling worse for ware, and just to add to my woes as I climbed out of the bottom bunk I managed to smack my head on the wooden frame of the bed. After several seconds of being dazed and confused, including tripping over the shoes I had left in the middle of the room, I noticed a memo had been slid under the door. I picked up the piece of paper and it read as follows:

‘Match arranged for 3pm at Stadion am Sportpark, Unterhatching. Take the A8 South and you will come to Unterhatching. See you later today, Gerhard’

We had fallen on our feet once more, and whilst it wasn’t a glamour tie, I had high hopes that we could build on the performance of the last two matches.

retired_sherri

v. SpVgg Unterhatching

Gerhard was there in the stand just behind the dugout, he gave me a big smile and nodded his head. I couldn’t help but think that once he’d seen our football he would be laughing at me rather than just smiling. My instructions to the team were to keep it tight at the back and look for the counter. All but Fry, who was complaining of a thigh strain, of the new additions were handed starting places, I just hoped they’d gel quickly. I knew Unterhatching had cemented their place in the Second Bundesliga so I assumed their side were of a reasonable quality.

It didn’t take long to realise that my assumption was a bit of an understatement. One minute fifty seconds in and Pereira found space to meet a cross and head easily into the net. Some awful keeping from Ashton as he rushed off his line and failed to collect left an open goal for Roth to stab home their second. Leitle then bounded through out rigid back four twice in three minutes both times slotting the ball with some venom into the left then right bottom corners respectively. 4-0 at half time, and it was back to the Lancaster City of old, at least we’d managed two shots on target.

The second half started positively as we kept play tight as I had asked originally. It took Adler to break the deadlock and extend Unterhatchings lead with a well placed freekick which curled in at the near post. Nevertheless we continued to battle well and ended up with some good spells of possession in the closing stages of the game.

At the end of the match Gerhard came up to me, still smiling as he had been throughout the match.

“You are crazy taking them on a vorld tour, rather you than me”

“Yeah” I replied “I’d rather it was you than me at this moment in time too”

“If you like, I can get you another game…”

“A replay, no thanks, I think one 5-0 defeat is enough”

“Nein, against an Austrian team, Linz, I know their manager, and I would happily arrange it for you”

“That would be great Gerhard, football needs more people like you”

And with that I trudged off the pitch down heartened with our performance, but more determined than ever to carry on and start grinding out some good results.

SpVgg Unterhatching (5) Lancaster City (0)

retired_amandabooth

Wonderful stuff, Chonner. You've managed to flawlessly blend the footballing element with storytelling that's not too long-winded yet interesting enough to keep the reader hooked. Love it.

retired_sterlingprianna

Have to agree with flaneur. This story strikes the perfect balance, and is excellent in both concept and execution.

retired_sherri

Cheers lads, much appreciated, i just hope I can live up to expectations!

Game 10 – Linz, Austria

Linz is a vibrant city. Everywhere you turn you can see arts, crafts and beautiful architecture. The whole city oozes a sense of culture, hardly surprising Mozart saw it fit as inspiration for some of his work. On the banks of the Danube the wonderful mix of industrial heritage combined with the grandeur of a provincial city warmed Linz to me. I wandered down to the Lentos art museum hoping to either forget about our woes on the pitch or preferably come up with some inspiration as to what I could do. Unfortunately neither occurred though my time spent aimlessly wondering was more than pleasant. I did however decide that our best bet was to head southwards towards Greece if possible, that would provide ample opportunity for games but also start us off on a definite path rather than just drifting around Europe.

After a phone call home, I decided it would be best to touch base with the club again. I rang Charlie and Liz the secretary put me through.

“Hi Charlie, we’re in Austria, how’s everything back in Lancaster?”

“Alright lad, I’m happy you’re having fun, though I can’t say I’m too impressed with the results. I’ve been having to make excuses to the press about why we haven’t won a game a yet, they seem to take the whole expedition in some jest though, which I suppose is best for us.”

I could tell by Charlie’s voice that his enthusiasm was starting to wane for this whole tour idea and it was then I became more determined than ever to start getting some results, even if that meant playing some pub teams. I went and sat outside a café for a coffee and got chatting to the waiter, he told me that the Bruckner Orchestra were playing at the Brucknerhaus concert hall that night. All I was hoping was that the scoreline would be music to my ears come the end of 90 minutes.

retired_sherri

v. LASK Linz

I stuck with the same side that had been demolished by Unterhatching, I was hoping consistency in team selection would not bring consistency in results. However from the off it was one way traffic, and only the linesman’s offside flag kept us from going a goal down. The inevitable happened on 25 minutes, Ashton managing to parry a stinging shot only for it to fall at Linz’s veteran striker Vastic. Moser added a second 10 minutes later and once again it was the same old script. We managed to hang on until half time, how I’m still not sure.

The second half, much the same as in Unterhatching, showed a marked improvement. Though our status as potential world beaters really took a beating when a forty yard wayward backpass from Harban found Ashton sunbathing on the edge of the area only for it to zip past the stricken keeper and into the net for an own goal. Another game, another performance without a shot on target, not good enough.

LASK Linz (3) Lancaster City (0)