retired_sherri

v. Neuchatel Xamax

Platts came in on the left wing for this game, but I left the rest of the team largely unchanged. Another large crowd had turned up to watch the mighty Lancaster as 3311 souls were to be dazzled by our ineptitude. We held Neuchatel goalless up until the 21st minute when danger man Doudin rose above Yeomans, for what should have been a routine catch, to head home. Preisig, Mayer and Vogel all added their own before the break to put us 4-0 down at the break. I truly was lost.

After the break we didn’t fare much better, Preisig took his second well and Doudin made the most of some awful defend in our own box by Platts as he took the ball, nipped away and side footed home. Doudin then ran clear to score his hattrick just a few minutes later. Yeomans looked like he was ready to get some rope and hang a noose up on his crossbar so I subbed him for Spence who fared slightly better only letting in one, a 30 yard screamer no less, in the last 20 minutes. The stats spoke for themselves, we hadn’t had a shot all game and they only managed 9 on target of which all but one went in. It painted a picture of a thousand words, well 18 actually: our keepers were not up to scratch and I couldn’t wait for the two new boys to arrive.

Neuchatel Xamax (8) Lancaster City (0)

retired_sherri

Game 6 – St Gallen, Switzerland

Despite having lost 8-0 spirits were still high. When I say spirits were still high, I mean the spirits in our shot glasses at the bar Chris and I had found were fairly high. We found it best not to talk about football given our growing dislike for the game that this adventure was bringing and so the topic of conversation was a slightly drunk take on our better halves we had left at home.

“That blonde one you almost married, now she was a looker”,

“Chris I did marry her, that’s my wife, and watch what you are saying… you’re married to my sister remember”,

“It’s a shame she got all the looks, you’d have been fine otherwise, she also got all the personality, that’s probably why you’re so rubbish at holding onto women, I mean you remember that one with that perfect bum and all those legs….”, Chris tailed off as he stumbled towards the toilets, I decided it wasn’t worth trying to tell him again that I was ‘happily’ married and had never had problems with the ladies, at least that’s what I tell myself. Bed was our best bet and I was looking forward to the travelling.

I awoke early to find everyone ready to go and quickly showered threw some clothes on and jumped on the coach. The scenery in Switzerland is breathtaking, valleys with picturesque villages dotted about them, ridges where you could see for miles, this was what travelling was supposed to be about, not being stuck on a coach with a rowdy bunch of young blokes who resembled more of a club 18-30 tour than anything else. At least Wayne our physio appreciated it, he was telling me all about how him and his wife love to walk in the peaks and dales, I successfully tuned him out, only throwing in the odd “oh right” to pretend I was interest, allowing me to admire the vista.

We arrived at a football field on the edge of St Gallen having negotiated most of Northern Switzerland in a very long morning, I was first off the coach but the lads soon jumped off as well after Dave had shouted at them for leaving the bus such a state.

“So where’s the hotel gaffer?” Jordan King enquired,

“What hotel, I didn’t say anything about a hotel” I replied as Dave opened the coaches storage compartments and started unloading the tents.

“Noooo way” came the almost rehearsed chorus.

“Yep… way” I replied sarcastically, “How many footballers does it take to put up a tent?”

On the far side of the field two grown men were having a kick around with some local kids, I wandered over and they introduced themselves. Sam Ashton a keeper on loan from Bolton and Clarke Bradie another keeper snapped up on a free. I kept the niceties short and sweet telling them to go help put up the tents as the team were obviously either having great difficulty or were just messing about. I suspected the latter as Zico had been tied up with guy ropes and was being rolled up in a ground sheet to be dumped in the drainage ditch.

retired_sherri

v. St Gallen

It was a Saturday evening as the team ran out at Espenmoos. I had renewed hope with Ashton going straight into the side between the sticks. This was arguably our biggest test yet and while I didn’t expect miracles I was hopeful of at least our first goal since we had left England.

We were down inside 5 minutes though, Ashton received no protection from his back and despite pulling off a super save it fell at the feet of Pittet who couldn’t miss the open goal. We defended resolutely for a period with Ashton doing all that was asked of him. Uberschar hit a long range effort that just skimmed the bar. I was starting to feel pleased with our performance, until the ref decided to purposefully annoy me. Malenovich burst into the box and Kelly fairly used his body to lever the ball off Malenovich, but the ref blew for the penalty and yellow carded Kelly. Like a true toddler I threw my toys out the pram, but this didn’t stop Garat planting the ball past Ashton. Our upper hand had slipped and Agouda punished us more as he ghost past the defence to score. 3-0 at half time and I felt sorry for the boys.

The second half started well again with Ashton making some terrific saves but the fourth came on 74 minutes when Malenovic converted an easy chance. Our misery was compounded when Kelly recived a second yellow for a shove and immediately Andrey had plunged the ball into the back of the net. The final whistle came not a moment too soon and despite a heavy loss again, the performance was far better.

St Gallen (5) Lancaster City (0)

retired_hern1001

Not having much luck so far

retired_sherri

Game 7 – Balzers, Lichtenstein

The short trip south to Lichtenstein allowed us time to actually train in the morning. I worked on defensive drills whilst Chris taught the strikers what a goal net was and how to put the ball into it. We looked tired but I guess travelling takes it out of you, however sparks of brilliance were starting to shine through and as the persistent rain gave way to bright sunlight peaking through the clouds I once again had renewed optimism, especially given our opponents were arguably our worst yet.

Plotting our way forward was starting to get difficult, the options were to cross the alps towards Italy, as Palin had done on the Orient Express to Venice, or to carry on Eastwards. The decision was made when a return call from Heinz Reiter, the manager of Austrian side Wattens, meant we once again had a route plotted ahead of us.

Our arrival in Balzers was obviously big news, a huge banner was hoisted onto the side of FC Balzers main stand announcing “FC Balzers v. Lancaster City FC – England’s Finest”, either something had been lost in translation or this was actually the highlight of the century for this sleepy towns semi-professional team. Either way the welcome was as warm as any club so far and we were ushered into the tea room to have some food and drink. There we met the groundskeeper, Besian, who was also a local farmer, and he presented us with an offer that was too good to refuse, his cow field to camp in that night. I couldn’t help but feel we would disappoint the locals with our footballing skills, but at least there was some enthusiasm about the place.

JyNx

I love the tone, keep it up!

retired_sherri

Cheers Jynx

v. FC Balzers

The game started rapidly and it had barely got underway when we managed our first goal on the continent. Ashton saved smartly from a low shot and had the presence of mind to quickly release to ball to Payne. Payne made some excellent running down the wing, got to the byline and whipped in a cross where Ben Jones towered above the defender to power a header into the net. The relief was evident and I hoped this would give some renewed confidence. Just before half time a good passing move through the middle of the park found Baxter in acres of space, he had time to look up pick his spot and lash a shot into the bottom corner of the goal from just outside the area. 2-0 at half time and I was getting giddy.

I told the boys to keep it tight and look for the counter attack, but our lack of pace at the back was exposed again on 73 minutes as Venker spun the last man to coolly slot home. I was praying for the win and the remaining 17 minutes seemed to go by at a snails pace. I was screaming to keep it tight but the inevitable came on 90 minutes when a cross found Balzers’ Dikel in space and he made certain it was going nowhere except in the net. Upon the restart there was just enough time for Baxter to fluff a golden opportunity to win the game, but a draw is better than a loss, and it was at least a step in the right direction.

FC Balzers (2) Lancaster City (2)

retired_sherri

The route so far

retired_sterlingprianna

This is my favourite story doing the rounds so far. Conceptually it is a work of genius. Congratulations.

retired_wowie

Great Story - My FC Baden would have given you a game on the way through! That would have been interesting!