retired_sherri

v. Folkestone Invicta

Yeomans was inexcusably poor in the last match and so was replaced by youth team keeper Spence. Swan replaced Taylor in defence and Elderton came into to sure up the middle of the park after Lally proved he was no Makelele.

The match started quietly, a few wayward shots from both sides, but it was a marked improvement on the last showing. The game spluttered into life on the 39th minute when some shambolic defending let Folkestone striker Rankin run through onto the through ball, round the keeper and slot into the net. Just before half time Folkestone once again caught us napping at the back and a counter attack saw another ball sail past our defence and land at an unmarked strikers feet, another gift of a goal. 2-0 down at the break and I was left to contemplate my tactics.

Chris’ half time rant to keep the defence tight, watch the through balls and look to use the wings more, seemed to do the trick, unfortunately the defence found another way to be inept. Beale waltzed into the 18 yard box, unleashed a drive which deflected off Swan and looped into the net. Just to add insult to all round misery in the last minute a goal scramble ended when Taylor managed to hoof the ball into our own net. There was still time for a consolation though as Dodgson cut in from the left wing ran at the 18 yard box and curled a right footed shot into the top right corner, all very well and good, but when you can’t defend for toffee wondergoals are meaningless.

The result left me and Chris contemplating the squad, we had less than 24 hours before the team left the country but it was clear this team just wasn’t going to cut it. On a shoestring wage bill with no transfer funds we were going to have to pull in some pretty big favours to be able to get some players in who could do a job.

Folkestone Invicta (4) Lancaster City (1)

retired_gabachitalinda

Loving this idea

retired_sherri

Cheers Lads – This idea has been knocking around my head for ages, only just got round to getting something down.

That night I picked up the phone to get onto my scout Mike Thompson, he had good news and bad. The bad news went along the lines of there were no wonderkids just waiting for a club to come pick them up, the good news was there was one experienced forward he had seen who could shoot, plus he was in London so could make it for the ferry crossing in the morning.

Grant Payne was sceptical, his first reply was “I’m too old to fall for these kind of pranks”, he was right, at 30 he was no spring chicken who just wanted to go out and have fun. Having convinced him that I wasn’t joking, “No seriously we’re going on a world tour, you’ll be famous, well kind of”, he agreed to come along for a couple of weeks and if he enjoyed it he might stay. He didn’t know I was going to refuse to pay his return fare if he did try to flee.

retired_sherri

Game 3 – Calais, France

So it was I found myself in the passenger lounge at Dover ferry port holding a placard with Grant Payne written on it. Luckily I had checked everyone had brought along their passport as otherwise that would have been another disaster waiting to happen. The channel was like a mill pond, and I wondered just how long it would be before I saw these shores again.

On the ferry I picked up a copy of the Independent. Flicked to the back page and saw the usual rubbish, Mourinho this, bungs that, the FA investigates so and so only to fine him 60p and a mars bar. I flicked some more and noticed a small article in the footballing shorts, ‘Lancaster City World Tour’. I read on:

‘Lancaster City chairman, Charlie Moore, has announced his team have been sent on a world tour with manager Martin Taylor. An anonymous financial backer has agreed to pay the expenses and Lancaster City, who lost to Folkestone Invicta 4-1 last night, are expected to play Calais tonight. Chairman Moore said, “If anyone wishes to make financial contributions, or just add their support they can contact our Fans Trust through our website.”’

Well any publicity was good publicity, however small.

Having arrived in France it was fairly underwhelming. Calais doesn’t have the romance of Paris, the quaintness of the French Riviera or the climate of the Med. Instead it had industry aplenty and a pretty big Tesco dedicated solely to alcohol. Seemed as good a place as any to start, Dave the coach driver worryingly agreed.

That afternoon as I sat in an internet café next door to the hostel we were shacked up in. I received an email from Mike who had managed to agree a deal with a new left winger. Mark Platts could cross, dribble and finish, and sounded like a fine addition. I was told Charlie Moore and Platts had signed the paperwork and he would be on the last ferry out tonight and would meet us in the hostel bar. Hopefully I was forming team who could compete.

retired_sherri

v. Calais Racing UFC

The game against Calais was always going to be our toughest test so far. Calais had gone on a rampant cup run a few years ago, far better than anything Lancaster had achieved. I kept the same team, hoping that the new signings would be able to see us in action to see where they would fit into the system. The writing was on the wall as shots rained in on our goal, but it took until the 30th minute for Andre Martin to peal away at the back post and head across goal to put Calais ahead. The second came courtesy of a trip in the box by Winne, with Martin converting the penalty for his second. Just before half time Calais bagged another when some good defending from Winne was unfortunate to fall at the feet Dembele. 3-0 at half time.

On 54 minutes Calais midfielder Puydebois scored a 30 yard screamer and the trouncing was completed when Darras found himself one-on-one with Spence, chipping over the keeper as he went to ground. I don’t know what I was expecting but I thought things were starting to get better not worse. Chris agreed that some new signings were a must and he would quite happily pay for their flights to wherever we may be.

Calais Racing UFC (5) Lancaster City (0)

retired_jgirl87

Intriguing idea - I'll be following your progress. :thup:

retired_sherri

Game 4 – Reims, France

Platts had turned up after I had retired to bed so I went down to breakfast to gladly find he had already made acquaintance with some of the boys. I went over and sat down, chatting about where we planning on heading. It turned out two Swiss teams, Neuchatel and St Gallen had heard about our exploits and had offered us games if we were passing. The offer seemed too good to turn down, and after all we did say we would go where the games took us. I finished off my croissant and orange juice and went to round everyone onto the coach.

Reims was not too far to drive, but this coach made it seem miles. Trains would rush past at twice the speed and you didn’t have to stop on them every time a 22 year who should be able to control his bladder needed to go to the loo. At one stop Elderton obviously couldn’t hold it in any longer and as he leapt from the coach managed to pull a hamstring.

We arrived in Reims and found the cheap hotel Chris had booked for us, the lovely lady at reception was adamant that we would dine in their restaurant as their chef was a keen football fan and wanted to cook for footballers, but she didn’t seem to understand we had a football game to play this evening. I hoped the players wouldn’t get used to these hotels and cooked meals, I still hadn’t told them we had packed the camping equipment.

retired_lacandy

What other countries are in line for a visit? Europe's shutting down for the holidays now, even some of our playing surfaces here are out of bounds for training! (Croatia)

retired_sherri

You'll just have to keep reading, but I'm sure we'll trudge through the cold!

v. Reims

With Spence down-heartened by his recent record between the sticks Yeomans came back into the side and I handed a debut to Payne as the spearhead of our strike force. We were playing in front of our biggest crowd yet as 2119 locals sat in the 9000 seater stadium, this was more like it.

The game started predictably enough when 9 minutes in Reims played a long ball which found its way to Zola who coolly slotted home. The lead was doubled a few minutes later as Lally failed to break down a forward run, the resultant ball finding De Castro in acres of space with only one outcome. Zola made sure it was going to be a bad day as he rose above Dodgson to head home, 3-0 Reims. Our most notable chance of the game came just before half courtesy of a wonderful bit of skill from young winger Baxter who jinked past the defender only to smash his shot over the bar.

A despairing half time talk pleading for the score line to be kept to a minimum was to no avail. Three second half headers made me realise that not only could we not defend on the floor, we weren’t to proficient at defending in the air either. Nogueira outjumped everyone, Zola rounded off his hattrick and Michel compounded the misery. 6 goals against no goals for left me head in hands, things were getting worse.

Reims (6) Lancaster City (0)

retired_sherri

Game 5 – Neuchatel, Switzerland

“Chris, do you think we’re playing against opposition who are out of our league, in terms of quality I mean”

“Yeah like Hampton & Richmond Borough, what a spectacular team they were”

“Granted that was poor, but Reims have won things, Neuchatel have won the Swiss league three times, Calais were giant killers in the French cup”

“Well Martin I think it will get easier when we start going to countries where the league structure isn’t so professional and football isn’t as popular”

“I bloody well hope so”

With this Chris once again went to his mobile and started speaking to people in varying languages. Obviously Dutch football keeps you well connected. Upon finishing one conversation in German he triumphantly announced he had got us a game against a team as unprofessional as us, Balzers from Lichtenstein. I think we would be able to make hard work of a game against their under 11 side at the moment, let alone their first team. My hope, however, was renewed at the news that not one but two keepers had agreed to fly out and join us tomorrow.

Neuchatel was just over the Swiss border and the border crossing was quick, painless and efficient, just as I would expect the Swiss to be. The heavy schedule was getting to the lads as most of them were sleeping on the coach. I don’t even want to begin to contemplate what had kept them up last night, but it was my understanding that some of them may have entertained some of the local ladies, not exactly the kind of responsible behaviour that will keep you fit for the next match.