retired_bxterror29

Technical details.

FM 2007 version 7.0.2. running a large database of 7 nations, England, France, Ireland, Italy, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Spain, giving a total of 26 playable leagues with all players from Germany and Wales added.

I decided to play with fictitious players as I can be quite forceful with my opinions and I have no wish to upset any readers by trashing his idol in public.

I elected to start as an unemployed ex-Semi Professional player in June 2006.



June 2006.

One of the many facets of Army life that I enjoyed was how easy it was to participate in all sports. Like many young men I elected to play football, initially for my unit and eventually for my Regiment then Corps as my skills improved and I was perceived to possess some talent for the game.

After about two years playing for the Corps, but never the Army Team, I wasn’t that good even on a good day; my discharge was purchased by Huddersfield Town who saw me as an excellent prospect for the future.

To improve my raw talent I was loaned out to different non-league clubs where it soon became obvious to my Huddersfield mentors that whereas I had an excellent football brain my feet couldn’t deliver the brain’s instructions and I was eventually released by the club.

Fortunately for the remaining years of my football life I had no trouble in performing adequately for an assortment of non-league clubs ending my career at Highland League Fort William.

The latter years of my career I had spent attending as many courses as I could fit in gaining all my Coaching Badges in the process. I wanted to remain in football and hopefully give something back to the game I loved.

I finally hung up my boots at 35 years of age and moved south to Ayrshire in Scotland to take up a Coaching position with Irvine Meadow a non-league club and there I have remained for the past three years.

Although not a particularly ambitious club I have been happy with my lot and well satisfied that my brain has managed to improve most players and even seen one or two progress to be regular first team players with top clubs.

Late June 2006.
Visits from Scouts were a fairly frequent occurrence at Irvine with even the odd Coach showing his face every so often. We once had a League Club Chairman as a guest on one occasion. Naturally we formed an exclusive club with a common interest and I became good friends with a few.

One of those friends went back even further than my coaching days. Fraser Mooney had played Army football and we had often traded stud marks on the pitch. No quarter was given or asked by either of us.

It was no surprise then when he called me one evening at home.

“Hello Jim, Fraser here.”

“You mean Loony Mooney don’t you” I replied thereby setting in motion a customary period of friendly banter and reminisces of past times.

After a while Fraser’s tone changed and he became very businesslike.

“You know that I’m starting on the 30th as a part time coach with Montrose don’t you?”

“Well I had heard a rumour of such a move.”

“It’s no rumour my friend – it’s a fact.” “My Chairman, Ryan Hutchison wants to talk to you, can’t think why you were never that good a player and you’re a bit old and stiff now.”

“Look who’s talking, but look here I am hardly likely to travel all the way up to Montrose not knowing why now am I?”

“Look Jim I know that it is a lot to ask and, as much as I want to, I can’t help you with the why quite simply because I don’t know but all I can say is that all travel expenses will be met, First Class all the way, and you are booked into a rather nice hotel, Four Stars, The Links, Best Western Group.”

“Well I could pretend that it is a holiday from a grateful fan I suppose.”

“Seriously Jim what do you say?”

I was silent for a while as I thought it over. Fraser knew me well enough to let me think and not interrupt.

“OK what’s the plan?”


“Great it’s all been cleared with your club and they don’t expect you back before 1 July – if you do return that is.” “A car will pick you up tomorrow morning about nine and that’s it, just go with the flow Jim.”

We chatted for a little while longer with no hints of why I was required back in the Highlands then agreed to meet at the hotel the following evening.

‘The car’ turned out to be a full blown Bentley Limo which, if it was designed to impress me, it succeeded.

I was even more impressed by the suite I was given at the hotel. I couldn’t help but wonder why Montrose warranted a hotel of this standard. Not your problem Jim, just enjoy it.

Fraser and I really did enjoy the excellent facilities and I had to admit that the food was the best I had eaten for a long time. It certainly beat the local Irvine takeaways that’s for sure. The big plus point was that it was all free.



Tuesday 27 June 2006.
A bright start to what would become a very pleasant sunny day helped with my early morning walk to clear my head and aid my digestion of a typical Scottish Breakfast comprised of thousands of calories. No wonder we Scots were famous for our heart attacks and large waist lines.

As it happened the hotel was only about 100 or so metres from Montrose’s Football Ground officially known as Links Park Stadium and unofficially as The Gable End so I managed a sneak preview of the exterior which, in some respects, was pretty much what I expected from a Scottish Third Division Club albeit superior, but not by much, to Irvine’s ground.

Ryan Hutchinson arrived at The Links bang on 1 p.m. as arranged and after our initial self introductions and a “let’s get to know each other” drink in the bar he suggested adjourning for lunch.

During lunch, which equalled the previous evenings dinner in quality, we talked about everything except football. I found him to be a fairly jovial type and suspected that he was an honest man who was not afraid of speaking his mind. Apparently he was Montrose born and bred, had lived there all his life, had married a local girl and had two grown up children who had long since moved on to greener pastures, had a very successful business in town – and he loved Montrose Football Club.

He had obviously done his homework on me and had only one question – why had I never married? I answered simply by saying that although I had come close a couple of times I had never really met the right woman. He seemed satisfied with that and made no further comment.

We left in ‘the car’ just after two for the ground and I almost wondered out loud how much fuel was wasted on that short easily walked trip.

At the ground I was introduced by Ryan to what appeared to be a host of people, all staff, from Managing Directors down to Grounds men. By now I was beginning to be a bit restless as I still didn’t know why I was there but kept my council during the inspection of the ground and all facilities. I did think that checking out the Public Toilets was a bit unnecessary.

After what seemed like forever Ryan and I made ourselves comfortable in the Boardroom initially just sitting there sipping a rather good coffee.

“Jim you’ve had the grand tour and I now want your opinion of what you’ve seen and your first impressions of the club.”

As usual I took my time in replying.

“Without knowing anything about your players it can only be a partial assessment.” “I find the phrase neat and tidy to be appropriate with everybody, and everything, appearing to be ‘comfortable’.” “There seems to be a decided lack of ambition or urgency about the place and as far as training facilities are concerned the polite description would be minimal.” “To be brutally honest a better description would be crap.” “That area in particular reeks of a decided lack of ambition.” “I don’t know how many players are on the books but you have enough staff to run not only Montrose but also Irvine and field a team of admittedly no hopers.” “Why you feel you need a grass cutter, a white line marker, and a net man is beyond me.” “Much as I can admire your loyalty to your employee’s football clubs are a business and should be treated like any other business venture.” “Employing three people to do one man’s job just doesn’t make sense to me.” “Without going into too much detail I’m sure, no I know, that there are other areas where the odd sacking or enforced retirement would not make a blind bit of difference to the day to day running of the club.”

During the silence that followed I thought that maybe I had gone too far in my critique of his baby. He pursed his lips, made a steeple of his hands and thought for a while.

“OK Jim thanks for your honesty.” “You are correct in your assessment.” “You reached the same conclusions I did but you did it in two hours – it took me three months.”

“That ability is one of the reasons you are sitting here talking to me.”

Another period of silence.

“I have been in charge here for a number of years now but it is only in the past year that I have decided to make the effort to improve this club and really put it on the football map.” “The objective may be unobtainable but I believe in this club and the supporters who have been unfailing in their attendance in all weathers and irrespective of whether we were playing good football or merely going through the motions and kicking the ball around the park.”

“In short I’d like to try and give Montrose a club they can be proud of not just make up the numbers in our league system.

Silence descended yet again as he topped up our coffee cups and sat there seemingly gathering his thoughts.

Whatever was on his mind I had the feeling that the reason for my presence was about to be revealed.

Eventually he spoke.

“Jim during the introductions today the one person you didn’t meet was our Manager.”

“The reason for that is we don’t have one as I sacked him last week and I want you to be our new Full Time Manager.”

retired_bxterror29

Evening Tuesday 27th June 2006.
That evening back at the hotel with Fraser as company (he was staying there also but not in the grandeur of a suite) the brain had a lot of serious thinking to do. Fraser seemed happy enough just to be a sounding board and to chip in his two penny worth when he thought necessary.

Although I had suspected a job offer as the day had progressed I was slightly stunned to be offered a job as Manager. Although it was a position I had considered at times, and even had been aware of a couple of ‘sniffs’ during the past year, I had never even considered applying for any vacancies as they occurred. The problem was that I was happy with my lot at Irvine.

After his stunning statement Ryan and I sat mainly in silence with the odd piece of conversation here and there. He did not expect, nor would he have got, an answer straight away much preferring a considered reply rather than a bite your hand off acceptance. We parted agreeing to meet the following day.

After dinner Fraser and I adjourned to the Bar where I sipped a pint of Heavy and Fraser, doing likewise, watched the brain in action. We did discuss the club a bit as Fraser had been in Scotland for a few years now and understood the situation better than I. He had no compunctions discussing Montrose as he was not yet an employee and further more was not in a position to give away any confidences or secrets – not that he ever would. He quite simply expressed his opinion about the club, the personnel and the ground facilities.

By 10 p.m. I had virtually made up my mind.



Wednesday 27th June 2006.
After my breakfast consumption of a few more thousand calories I headed not for the Ground but turned 90 degrees and headed west to the sea front. I took a meandering route checking on the town as I progressed. A few people wished me Good Morning probably thinking I was a tourist on holiday and wishing to put me in the mood to part company with the contents of my wallet.

I did stop at a Newsagent and purchased some of the local and national newspapers. Finding a suitable bench on the front I perused my purchases and decided that the Daily Record and Daily Express had never heard of Montrose. The Scotsman was a bit more forthcoming containing a few lines on the recent staff changes at the club while The Montrose Today offered a bit more and seemed to be more in touch, as befits a local newspaper, with events at the Football Club by stating that, in their opinion Chairman Ryan Hutchison was awakening from his slumber. I wondered what Ryan’s reaction to that would be. I was also curious as to the source of this information. As far as I was aware only Ryan knew of the reason for my presence and, although he had been the go-between Looney knew no more than I did until last night. I suspected that somebody somewhere was not being as loyal as they professed to be.

The Chairman arrived at The Links in time for lunch during which football was again a taboo subject.

After lunch we moved not to the Bar but to a small conference room capable of seating about a dozen but on this occasion only had two occupants.

“Right Jim I am understandably anxious to hear your reaction to my proposal. I won’t insult you by talking terms and contracts right now as, judging from your comments yesterday, I believe you may have some issues that you would like resolved before that stage of the proceedings.” “I would however like to hear your initial opinion, or gut feeling if you like, to the proposition.” “I believe I would need to know that before any serious discussions could take place.”

He was all business and, as I suspected during our first meeting, a man who spoke his mind. I was looking at the serious side of Ryan Hutchison.

“Firstly Ryan thank you for considering me for the position.” “Your offer made me realise that, like Montrose FC, I had become complacent and comfortable in my coaching job at Irvine.” “Your offer provided me with the impetus and realisation that I needed to look for a more challenging role.”

“I am therefore pleased to accept your offer provided we can satisfactorily reach agreement over your correctly perceived issues.” “I do not anticipate any contractual difficulties,”

He walked round the table to me with a beaming smile on his face and grabbed my hand in both of his. I have not seen a happier man in a long time.

“Great Jim, great,” “Welcome to the club.”

He stood there for a good minute or so shaking my hand in both of his until I thought he was going to tear my arm off. I don’t think he was aware of his own strength.

Eventually he returned to his chair and buzzed for “a celebratory drink” which we both enjoyed in silence.

His beaming smile was replaced with a rather wicked looking grin. “Well then Mr Manager of Montrose Football Club what issues do you have foe me.” “I’m sure most of them are easily fixed,”

“I certainly hope so Boss.”
“I like that Jim; Boss has a nice ring to it.”

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retired_bxterror29

Afternoon Wednesday 28th June 2006.
Having seen the serious side of my new Chairman, Ryan Hutchison, I thought it was time he saw mine and the brain in action.

“Mr Chairman, my first problem is the staffing levels at the club.” “I’m talking about administrative staff here not football staff. “Apart from three Ground Staff doing the work of one I have seen several ‘secretaries’ sitting on their backsides painting their finger nails in the clubs time and drawing wages for the privilege.” “If it is the case that they are working in the clubs space for any of your, or anybody else’s, outside business interests then that is OK by me provided they are not draining on club funds.” “Irrespective of the reason for their presence I don’t want them cluttering up my space.” “Either they leave the club’s premises to their proper place of employment or they are declared surplus to the requirements of the club and leave either voluntarily or forcibly.” “I only see a need for three secretaries at the most.” “One for the Board, a second for the Director of Football, and a third for me.” “The first two could even combine into one as I do not see the Board meeting all that often and the Director of Football would be at that meeting in any case.”

“On the same topic I only see the need for one Kitman, one Groundsman, and, if one exists, one Commercial Agent who would not necessarily have to be in an on-site office.

Ryan’s face gave nothing away during my speech although I did see the odd flicker in his eyes. What the hell I thought; in for a penny in for a pound.

“I have no issues with the Board.” “Apart from anything else I firmly believe that it is not the place of any manager at any club to interfere with the working of that institution.” “It should not be in my, or anybody else’s, remit.” “Similarly the Board should not interfere in purely football matters.” “If I decide to hire or fire a certain player or member of the coaching staff then that is my decision and I would expect the full support of the Board.” “One thing I will not tolerate is any ‘back door’ interference via leaks to the press or unattributable comments.” “I would expect you to handle very firmly any such goings on within the board.”

Still silence and no visible reaction.

“I believe that Managing Director Garry Kerr is the Financial Director?”

“Correct.”

“It is the responsibility of the Board to set season’s expectations and the budgets available to me to achieve that aim.” “Provided that Garry and the Board, and particularly you. are aware that I will occasionally exceed those budgets even though temporally then I am content and can foresee no problems with the Board.”


Still no reaction but he was listening intently and furiously scribbling notes as I spoke.

“Stevie McKeown the Director of Football is a different issue.” “Hopefully there will not be a problem and a lot will depend upon the contents of his contract with the club.”

“In my experience most Director’s of Football are employed to offer advice to the Manager/Board unfortunately the majority see themselves as God’s chosen representative on Earth to dictate their personal football theories to what they see as inferior beings.” “I’m not saying that there is no place for a Director of Football just make sure that he understands, if necessary within the terms of his contract, that all football matters are my responsibility and not his.” “I decide who comes and goes and when, I decide who plays and who does not, I decide what tactics we use, and, in conjunction with my coaching staff, I decide on who does what training.” “I have no objections to him negotiating new contracts, extensions to contracts, or even termination of contracts, booking team travel arrangements including overnight stays, but nothing happens that I do not know about beforehand.”

“To use an American expression this Director of Football business could be a deal breaker.”

“Finally, should we agree a contract; I would want all the staff, both administrative and football to be informed prior to any public announcement.” “At the same time either you or I if I am present, should assure the football staff in particular that unless they are an absolute toss pot their jobs are safe in the short to medium term.”

“End of tirade.”

After a short silence Ryan giggled and said “Well you certainly know what you want and pull no punches.”

“Right then Jim lets start ticking some boxes.”

“The Admin staff I do not see as a problem.” “I can assure you that they are all club employee’s and perhaps I have been a bit lax in allowing us to accumulate so much excess fat.” “The only difficulty I can foresee is one of time.” “It will be difficult if not impossible to terminate contracts in anything less than four to six weeks while most will probably move on quickly there is bound to be someone hanging on to the death.” “If you can tolerate that then I’d appreciate it.” “We are bound by various Employment Laws those days so we can’t really pick and choose as to who goes and who stays although we could exert some influence on their decision making process.” “Some are obviously better than others – we will try and keep the good ones.”

“OK Boss one box ticked.”

“The Board are a slightly different matter in that whereas I can guarantee no interference in purely football matters I can’t control, just as you can’t control your staff or players. anyone who wants to leak whatever to the press.” “All I can do is making them fully aware of the serious consequences that any such action would entail.” “Whatever actions you care to take against your staff will be up to you but I assure you that whatever punishment they receive it will be a lot less than that which I dish out.”

He said this with such venom that I almost felt sorry for any culprits. “Accepted.”

“Stevie McKeown, the Director of Football could be a much more difficult matter.” “He has only been with us for a few months and I haven’t heard of any interference by him with any managerial decisions.” “If there was any then if I were him I wouldn’t advertise the fact considering our poor displays last season.” “As you say it all depends upon the contents of his contract.” “We could be lucky there as the original document was drawn up by Allison one of our better secretary’s – we will try and keep her as one of the two – before it went to the lawyers.” “I don’t remember much, if any, of that particular document being bandied back and forth.” “All I can do at the moment is to assure you that your terms regarding the Director of Football will be met in full, hopefully fairly soon but it could be a while even if it means that Stevie loses his job eventually.” “In the meantime should he try to enforce any football decisions upon you I am sure that, with my backing, you are perfectly capable of ignoring him.”

“With your backing – yes.”

“Regarding informing everybody of any contract I would not do it any other way.” “Like you I abhor pre-emptive announcements in the press.”

“I think I have answered all your questions Jim, anything else before we move on?”

“Yes, I’d like Allison as my secretary.”

Ryan’s sense of humour broke through again as he burst out laughing at my request. In between the bouts of mirth I caught a few expletives at my attempt to hijack the best secretary at the club.

“For your cheek – if we can keep her – she is yours.”

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retired_bxterror29

Mid Afternoon Wednesday 28th July 2006
At this stage Ryan suggested a quiet stroll through the Hotel grounds and Afternoon Tea on the terrace. Who was I to disagree?

As we strolled enjoying the warm sun fanned by a cooling sea breeze Ryan began to outline his hopes for the club. I knew this to be part of a pre-contract preamble so listened intently. Ultimately his hopes were a bit of a pipe dream. In the Scottish Premier Division – yes, as a serious rival to Celtic and Rangers – no. The area just did not have a large enough population to seriously challenge the Scottish big two. Even as I disagreed with him I could still see the dream in his eyes.

He soon returned to reality though pointing out that if the club even got to Scottish Division 1 I would be long gone having been poached by bigger clubs than Montrose. I pointed out that by then it would not matter where I was as the club itself would have earned a reputation that attracted quality Managers and Coaches and, in any event, I was not a short haul man.

He then spoke about installing Astroturf or something similar at the Links Ground. Again we disagreed as I suspected that earlier flirtations with plastic pitches had only served to increase a squad injury list to nobody’s obvious benefit.

By now Afternoon Tea was almost gone. The scones deserved a Government Health Warning on them – more calories than a bag of chips.

Back in the Conference Room Ryan quickly ran through his proposed contract which didn’t take too long. There is only so much you can include in a contract of this nature.

“What I propose Jim is a three year deal starting this coming Saturday, 1 July 2006, expiring 30 June 2009. “We are offering a Standard Full Time contract with wages at £100 per week, full use of a company vehicle, the club to pay all accommodation and living expenses which can be a Hotel Suite of The Links standard with you having sole responsibility for all football matters within the club. With regard to our expectations all we want this year is for you to improve the squad and to achieve this are offering a Transfer Fund of £3k and a wage budget of £2904 per week. All of this is of course subject to us satisfying the proposals you mentioned earlier today but we cannot achieve this by Saturday as you probably realise.

“Thank you Mr Chairman.” “First off I will not sign a three year deal.” “I only want one year and this is as much for your protection as mine.” “I am totally untried as a Manager with only Coaching experience, and that at a level considerably lower than what you want to achieve.” “I could prove to be the world’s worst manager, so it is one year or nothing.”

“Secondly I was initially a bit perturbed at the low wage being offered for a Full Time contract but when I consider that the money is virtually pocket money I am fairly happy.” “Be warned however that come 30 June 2007 if we are both happy I will want substantially more – and still keep the perks.

This brought forth another chuckling session.

“With regard to the rest I am fairly content with the expectations and budget levels set.” “They are no more or less than I would have expected from any Scottish Third Division club.

“How far below my wage budget is the current wage level?”

“£560 not a lot in monetary terms but if you consider that we are a Semi Professional Club paying Part Time wages that is still a good few players.”

“With regard to my earlier conditions I do appreciate the time element involved but would like some realistic deadline included in the contract.

“I’ll have to check that out Jim.”

“End of tirade – again.”

“Great, you’ve got a one year deal with all conditions met – subject to an acceptable deadline for our part of the deal.”

Once again I was attacked on my side of the table as he grabbed my hand in two large paws and proceeded to attempt to rip my arm off at the shoulder.

Almost immediately he ordered a celebratory drink but this time drank with one ear cemented to a telephone.

“Allison – Ryan here.” “Draw up the contract we spoke of and get it over to the legal eagles rapid.” “I don’t care if they have to sit up all night but I want it ready for signing by Friday.” “One year term with no other changes other than a deadline for the club to carry out certain conditions.”

He then rattled off my conditions then asked her how long it would take the club to comply.

“About three to four months?”

I held up four fingers.

“Right then four months it is Allison.” “I’ll be with you in about 30 minutes so in the meantime I want all the Board in tonight about 7 and every contract we have on my desk when I get there.”

“I also want to see all employees and the board again on Friday night again about seven and I mean everybody – all admin and football staff.” “Let it be known that anybody not there is job hunting.”

I was impressed at his speed of action and strength of will. Allison must really be something special to earn plaudits from this man.

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retired_rahalbob

this is a good read. Im enjoying it Jim. KUTGW

retired_bxterror29

Thanks for the thought Coolmoose. It's good to know that someone is enjoying my effort. While I'm on and 'out of character' I'd like to record my thanks to Donners for his assistance with the intricacies and pit falls of posting here. If it wasn't for him I'd probably have screwed up the whole forum.

retired_bxterror29

Thursday 29th June 2006.
After Tuesdays travelling and yesterdays meetings today was definitely a rest day.

I slept late and barely made breakfast in time but nobody seemed too bothered and I was allowed a leisurely breakfast with no waiter clucking at my shoulder because of my occupation of one of his tables.

I bumped into Looney in the lounge and joined him in becoming immersed in the free newspapers supplied by the hotel. Needless to say the Sports pages and football in particular were my main preoccupation but once again Montrose was not on the sporting map. Hopefully I could change that.

Looney was making much of his “last day of freedom” before starting at the club tomorrow. He wanted to know if I wanted him to do anything specific prior to my arrival on Saturday.

“No thanks mate, just do what you are good at – which is nothing.”

Strictly speaking that wasn’t quite correct. Looney was an excellent highly motivated, determined Goalkeeping Coach with good tactical knowledge and an eye for players with that extra something that marked them out from the herd. If he hadn’t already been hired by the club I’m sure that he would have been on my wish list.

After lunch we strolled through the town again enjoying another pleasant day. I was under no illusions about the weather though. Being on the coast I knew that we would see more than our fair share of extremely cold gale force winds, lashing rain, and snow up to the armpits. Well perhaps not literally but it would feel like it.

Another excellent meal and a couple of hours TV rounded off my day and I was tucked up in bed sound asleep by ten.

Friday 30th June 2006.
With Looney off to enjoy his first day in his new job I was looking forward to what I thought would become a rare commodity in my life – a peaceful stress free day. How wrong can you be?

The first blimp on the horizon was a hand delivered invitation to attend The Park Hotel function rooms to be introduced to all the club staff, the supporters club and the press. Bang goes my quiet evening I thought.

The second blimp developed into a thundering black cloud spitting lightening that went by the name of Ryan Hutchison.

I had no sooner read the invitation when I was called to the desk to receive a phone call.
Ryan was livid.

“Have you seen that local rag of ours today?”

“No.”

“Well you are the lead story in their Sports Section.” “It appears that our mole has struck again.” “After describing me as a slumbering but slowly awakening giant he has plastered you all over Page 1 likening you to some sort of Messiah.” “You don’t need pressure like that before you have even started the job.”

“OK Boss I’ll go off now and read the article.” “Who knows this may well work out to our advantage?” “See you tonight.”

Strangely enough I felt no pressure at all and was very calm even after I had read the article as I wandered off down town.

Evening 30th June 2006.
I arrived at the Park Hotel about ten minutes early and was directed to the Function Room which, although far from empty, was not bulging at the seems either. A finger buffet with tea and coffee was set up at one end while at the other was the inevitable bar. I was glad to see that most of the young males were at the finger buffet – obviously playing staff.

Most of the people seemed intent on making a night of it with most of the women wearing if not their best dress at least some kind of a party frock. Most of us thirty something’s and above were appropriately booted and suited – with ties!

Although I spotted Ryan fairly quickly I headed for the finger buffet where, having grabbed a coffee, I managed a few minutes chat with some of the lads. Nothing heavy and definitely no football. Just a light casual chat.

After about 20 minutes Ryan came for me and directed me to a small stage occupying a central position along a back wall upon which was a small table supporting a microphone with two chairs behind it. The area in front of this stage was laid out with several rows of chairs facing the stage. I don’t know how many chairs there were but there appeared to be more than enough to seat all those present.

After the inevitable squeaks and fizzes from the microphone Ryan finally called upon everybody to be seated and stressing the informality of the occasion by emphasising that there was no particular pecking order and people should sit where convenient. Most seemed to appreciate that, I know that I certainly did.

“Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to this informal extraordinary meeting of the Montrose Football Club staff, fans and press.”
“The sole purpose of tonight’s meeting is to welcome Jim Thomson as our new club manager and, in a few minutes I will ask Jim to sign his contract in front of you all.”

“Firstly, and somewhat inevitably, I want to say a few words.” “Good managers do not grow on trees and unless you just want somebody to occupy the seat it takes time and a lot of effort and research to get the right man to do the particular task you want him to carry out.” “Jim did not appear here overnight.” “We have been looking at him for weeks whether he knew it or not and while he has earned many plaudits for his coaching abilities we had to ascertain whether he possessed the right qualities to be a successful manager at this club.” “I firmly believe that he fits the bill admirably and would formally invite you Jim to sign this new contract.”

At this stage Ryan flipped open a leather bound folder on the desk and handed me a pen. Looking at the contents of the folder I saw a headed sheet of notepaper which was otherwise totally blank!

Looking at Ryan he winked at me with his off stage eye as he handed over the pen. I made a great show of signing a blank sheet of paper followed by Ryan who was equally studious in signing. The folder was closed and Ryan invited me to say a few words.

I confined myself to thanking Ryan for his kind words, the audience for attending, and promising them nothing except my best efforts for the club.

Ryan then invited any questions.

“Andy Sound, Chairman of the Montrose Supporters Club.” “It is a pleasure to meet you Mr Thomson.”

“And I you Sir.” I replied.

“How do you see the future for our club Mr Thomson?”

“Judging by last seasons results and finishing in tenth spot you could say that there is no future.” “But that is not my belief.” “While we are certainly in for a transitional year, if not two years, I would expect you to see some improvement by about Christmas.” “While I do not anticipate a promotion this year I’ll still take it if it comes.”

That brought a few laughs to the proceedings but I did notice that Sound seemed impressed by my reply.

“While on the subject of the future I want to take this opportunity to assure all the staff that I am not arriving with a swinging axe.” “While it is inevitable that some changes will be made I do not anticipate massive changes in the short term.” “Unless you demonstrate to me that you are a complete fool or possess no skills at all then your jobs are safe in the short to medium term and by then we will be talking new contracts anyway.”

“Charlie Anderson, Chief Sports Reporter, Montrose Today.” “It is good to meet you at last Mr Thomson.”

“Ah! Mr Anderson – don’t you mean sole reporter as every football story I see in your newspaper has your by-line on it?”

More laughter.

“I’m glad you are here Mr Anderson as it presents me with an ideal opportunity to say something to you in public rather then in the privacy of your or my office.” “I would also address my remarks to a nameless person that I do not know but who is almost certainly in this room as I speak.”

I could feel Ryan tensing up beside me. I could almost hear him saying what on earth is he going to say?

“There is a mole within the organisation of Montrose Football Club who, either through some perverse pleasure, or for cash, or because of some ulterior motive, takes a delight in revealing secret and/or confidential club matters to the press.” “Mainly I might add to you Mr Anderson.” “I spent a long time in the library today checking past sports pages of your newspaper and every so often you have published some outrageous scoop that could only have come from within the club.” “Mainly those scoops have been relatively harmless but on two occasions have caused the club to lose good players by them moving on when nobody wanted to lose them.” “In one instance it is not much of a stretch to directly attribute such a loss to the club being relegated from Division 2.” “I find such actions to be intolerable and despicable to say the least and I say to whoever this mole may be that if it transpires that you are involved in the football side of this club then I will make it my personal mission in life to ensure that not only do you never kick another ball at Montrose but at any other club either.”

“Finally Mr Anderson I do not take over here until midnight tonight so I cannot meet with you officially before then but I would like us to meet formally and will make myself available to you at any time convenient to you.”

With a grin on my face I looked at a paler faced somewhat less confident looking Anderson and said, “Now I don’t suppose you would like to tell me the name of the mole would you?”

My grin and a few giggles from the audience managed to disguise the mauling by implication that I had given Anderson and the proceedings petered out from then on.

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retired_gabachitalinda

your only problem now is, by law, he doesn't have to reveal his source...

even if you took him to court! :eek:

retired_bxterror29

Evening 30th June 2006.
As the crowd broke up into their pre-meeting groups of either beer or coffee drinkers Ryan explained the blank sheet of paper as simply a replacement for the non-arrival of the contract from the club’s solicitors. He had been assured, just as he assured me, that there were no problems with the contents and that he expected to have it in his hands if not later this evening then certainly by tomorrow morning.

We decided to leave it for tonight and agreed to meet tomorrow morning for the signing.

I spent the next hour or so meandering between the two groups renewing acquaintances and meeting new people – mainly wives and girl friends. Ryan’s wife was a total contrast to him. A small almost frail looking woman, slim with greying hair and eyes that seemed to penetrate straight into your inner soul. Her physical appearance belied an inner strength that would defend her man and family to the death. I certainly would not like her to be an enemy. For a first meeting I thought we rubbed off each other pretty well.

A few words with Looney and the other staff were confined to social chit chat and a few ‘remember when’s’. The odd attempt to bring up work was sidestepped by me reminding whoever that I was not ‘on the books’ until midnight and we would have plenty of time to discuss whatever from tomorrow on. One concession to work was my arranging to meet them all in my office at 9 a.m. the following day.

Having missed dinner due to my searching through the library archives my stomach was beginning to wonder if my throat had been cut and I started drifting towards the exit. I was about six steps from freedom and the nearest Chinese Restaurant when Ryan appeared and grabbed me by the arm. At least he didn’t appear to be inclined to rip it off this time.

“I think it is about time you were formally introduced to your new secretary or personal assistant – whichever title you want to bestow on her.” “Allison Grant meet Jim Thomson.” “Jim – Allison.”

He turned and as he carried out the introductions I found myself looking at a fairly tall woman probably about my age attired in a dark trouser suit with white blouse and matching shoes with not overly high heels. She had close cropped blonde hair surrounding an oval face with large penetrating blue eyes that were studying me just as I was her.

“Having done my duty I’ll leave you both to it” and with that parting comment Ryan carried on circulating.

Once we had established that it would be Allison and Jim from now on and had exhausted the normal polite party talk I broke my ‘not before midnight rule’ and asked her which title she preferred.

“Well you may not have brought a swinging axe but you were certainly instrumental in a massive staff decrease so I think Personal Assistant might be preferable as it may get me a higher redundancy package then Secretary would.”

The laughter in her voice and eyes belied any implied sting in her words.

“Perfectly true and while I can’t guarantee a larger package because I simply don’t know the rules I can guarantee that a Personal Assistant is not a 9 to 5 job unlike a Secretary.” “I’m afraid that, as my assistant you will not be on a 5 day week either, certainly 6 and every so often 7.”

“Still want to be my Personal Assistant?”

Although like her I had spoken with a smile she could see straight away that I was perfectly serious.

“Well my weekends can be a bit boring at times and I think I could be in for some exciting times in the future so yes – I accept the title.”

“Excellent Allison welcome on board my personal bandwagon, and I hope it proves to be as exciting and fulfilling as you believe.” “I can make no promises yet but I’ll see what I can do regarding a pay increase as befits your new position.”

While not exactly profuse in her thanks for the offered but not promised pay rise I could tell that she appreciated my effort on her behalf by making an offer I didn’t have to. I was no fool and realised that I would need at least one friend in the camp if I was to be successful. While Ryan was almost a friend his responsibilities were to the club and not me. Looney was a very good friend but one totally without influence outside of the training ground. So far I thought that all told I had achieved something from tonight’s meeting.

As we talked I managed to convey to Allison the thoughts of my stomach and I bowed to her local knowledge by agreeing to turn right outside The Park and not left. The resultant Chinese Restaurant was a far superior one to that I had spotted on my way here.

With that we parted company and I said my goodbyes and headed off for an eagerly awaited meal.

As I ate, and very good it was too, I mulled over whether I should have invited Allison to join me. It would have been an ideal opportunity to get to know each other a bit better but in the end decided that I had done the right thing. Apart from being perceived as me possibly hitting on her I really had to consider an agenda and plan for tomorrow and I could do those better on my own.

As I strolled back to The Links I realised that having arranged to meet Allison at the office at 8 a.m. I would need to order an early breakfast which I proceeded to do when I arrived. While my rather late request probably caused havoc elsewhere in the hotel the receptionist didn’t turn a hair and I mentally congratulated her on her composure.

Sleep did not come as easy as it had done the past few nights. The brain was full of football, Allison, moving from Irvine, where to stay in Montrose etc.

The next thing I knew was the telephone dragging me awake with my wake up call.

retired_bxterror29

Saturday 1st July 2006

As I walked through the main glass swing door entrance in the centre of the Main Stand at the ground I found Allison waiting for me. She started talking before the door closed behind me. Wishing me good morning she informed me that Ryan was already here and wanted to see me in the Boardroom as soon as I arrived.

As she started to lead the way I stopped her with a motion of my hand. I stood there and surveyed what I assumed to be the club reception area. I was not too impressed. There was a dusty neglected atmosphere about the room not that it was dirty. Apart from arrowed signs pointing to various doors leading to the named department there was a club whose who board bang in the centre of the facing wall. Someone had either been working very late or very early or had carried out a pre-emptive strike as my name was up there alongside the title Club Manager. I stood there for a couple of minutes then motioned Allison to lead the way and we headed for the top floor, street side, of the stand.

Ryan was all business. I was there, he thought, purely to sign the contract. As she held the door open for me Allison made to leave but was stopped again by me. Ryan said nothing.

After I read the contents and the formal signing of the contract there was the usual bout of welcomes and congratulations from Ryan.

“Right then Jim – What’s up?”

I told you he was no fool.

I moved to a position where I could address my remarks to both Ryan and Allison together.

“Allison you are my Personal Assistant – not my Secretary.” “That means that when I am not here you speak for me with my authority on all club matters within my remit except football.” “That also means that wherever I go you go within this complex, to attend with me or on my behalf any meetings etc. that require my presence.” “At those meetings you will make notes, record the conversation if necessary, just to keep me on the straight and narrow as I act, or not, on any decisions made and to ensure that I have the full facts at my disposal should I have to decide on any course of action.” “And all of that is above and beyond your ‘normal’ secretarial duties.” “One thing you never do is leave me alone in a room with any member of staff or visitor unless I particularly specify otherwise.” “Are we clear on that?”

A somewhat sheepish looking Allison agreed.

“Allison I am not wrapping your knuckles I am only outlining what I expect from you in front of the Chairman.” “Duties to which I trust he will give his seal of approval here and now.”

“You certainly have that Jim.”

“Excellent.” “Then perhaps you would consider, in view of the title and additional duties, a substantial pay increase for Allison effective from today.”

“God almighty Jim, I certainly walked into that one – I didn’t see it coming!”

We grinned at each other and even Allison looked happier now. I don’t think seeing Ryan having one put over him is an everyday occurrence.

Ryan and Allison agreed to get together early next week to discuss a new contract which Ryan intimated was a done deal apart from the numbers.

“OK Mr Chairman. Unless you have anything for me, if you will excuse my new rich Personal Assistant and myself we have a mountain of work to get through.” “Don’t expect to see me on a football field for at least a week.”

That got a raised eyebrow.

I have to admit I felt really good as we headed to my office. I think Allison did too.

My office was separated from the Boardroom by a corridor which in one direction led to a street side lift and in the other to the Hospitality Suites.

My office was not as spacious as the Boardroom but was large enough to be fit for purpose and it did include en suite facilities which were suitable to be also used as a changing room and a connecting door to Allison’s office. Both offices’s had separate access to the corridor so we could be as public or as private in our movements as we wished.

A quick inspection of the bathroom showed it to be totally empty while switching on the computer on my desk revealed similar contents. Obviously my predecessor had the time to completely clear out anything and everything from the office that he considered to be of value.

Allison produced some coffee then sat down opposite my desk with notepad and pen at the ready.

“OK Allison let’s get to it.”

“I have a meeting with the coaching staff scheduled for 9 a.m. They, or nobody else for that matter, come straight in here.” “Everybody reports to you first.”
“I want, prior to that meeting, any files, and reports, etc. that we have on each of them.”

“After the meeting I want all files on all players.”

“I also want a report on how the redundancy among the admin staff is progressing.” “I particularly want to know about any hold outs and whether they are any good or not plus the names of any good employees that we are losing purely through time served or Employment Laws.”

“ I also want you to contact Charlie Anderson of the local rag and invite him over at his convenience but no clashes with any other appointments.”

“Finally a report on the situation so far with the Director of Football.”

“Off you go – there will be more later.”

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