BarryLFC

I say "promising professional", but whilst deliciously alliterative, that phrase may be somewhat misleading. In truth I have never been paid to play football, nor has anybody ever considered that I may have the ability to do so. I am nobody, but that's the way I like it.

That said, I am a football man. My weekends revolve around sport, much to my wife's chagrin. "Why," she asks, often, "do you feel the need to waste every other Saturday standing in that godforsaken hellhole they call a stadium watching eleven wee men chase a ball around?"

It struck me that she had no concept of the tactical side of the modern game.

BarryLFC

As hobbies go, following a football team is as standard as it gets in the West of Scotland. So, how did I come to be manager of my beloved Ayr United? It's simple!

As a close, close personal friend of the chairman, I had the inside track already. I had played for the club before of course, albeit in a charity match, and to be quite frank, I wasn't the other guy. You know, the one who had underachieved with a talented squad and who had failed to win promotion for three straight years now. Yes, not being him was a big advantage.

Sure, that had to be weighed against my lack of competence, my lack of a relevant work history and the fact my wife didn't let me out the house until the chores were finished, but on balance it was felt I was the best guy. At least, I felt I was the best guy, I never heard that anyone else had applied though, so I have no idea who I was in competition with.

It promised to be a thrilling adventure.

BarryLFC

Out of the Blue, I Received a Phone Call

Ciao! Meester Bartholomeueuew! I-a have-a a-a player you-a may-a be-a intersted in?

Who is this, and why are you phoning me at stupid o'clock?

My name is-a Mario! Mario Benedettini. I am a big-a calcio agent-a here in my native San Marino.

San Marino?

Yes. You like-a my player?

You only have one?

Just-a one, yeeees.

Name?

Stefano Gioia, he a moi bueno midfieldero. Five caps for his-a country.

Bueno? Isn't that a Spanish word?

*click*

Nevertheless, the boy showed up for training, so perhaps I hadn't been conned after all.

retired_shaneltolbert

Sounds good HD :thup:

retired_christschild918

I love the unashamed start with 2 of the 3 most common lines that we "shouldnt" start a story with...hahaha I love it. Keep it up.

shannon2007

Thats the end of this story you know, he only did it break the 'rules' he's not actually playing a game :p

retired_shaneltolbert

I think he deserves a yellow.

retired_bbcarr

Banned, to be honest.

retired_w0lfpack1

Got my vote for "Story of the Year"

BarryLFC

Hang on! It's not finished, ffs. :p